I've never cared for Greek cuisine,
though I adore their pi.
But any lass of foreign tongue
need only breathe a sigh
to make me stumble o'er my own
while mumbling deep desires
to conjugate our tongues in such
relations she inspires.

©2011

Crisp and witty. I have spent about five minutes trying to sharpen the final line which to me, sounds slightly awkward, but no luck. I had hoped to work in 'declension' somehow, but it will have to wait a day of its own -- when the Passive, the Supine, the Middle, the Aorist will all march hand in hand with some Gerunds and Deponents and Jussives, down Penge High St.

I am of a generation for whom the word 'conjugation' was not thrown around lightly; it is almost as though you were cheerfully burning pages from the Good Book. It has only now occurred to me, that our weary masters were perhaps trying to inure us boys to the delights, and burdens, of things conjugal, with the emphasis on the burdens.

(07-22-2011, 02:54 AM)ICSoria Wrote:  I've never cared for Greek cuisine,
though I adore their pi.
But any lass of foreign tongue
need only breathe a sigh
to make me stumble o'er my own
while mumbling deep desires
to conjugate our tongues in such
relations she inspires.

©2011

i love the 2nd line and the wit that runs throughout. i can't give any constructive feedback apart from saying i thoroughly enjoyed it.
thanks for the read.

sid

nicely done

I've never cared for Greek cuisine,
though I adore their pi.
But any lass of foreign tongue
need only breathe a sigh
to make me stumble o'er my own
while mumbling deep desires.......meter is off here, mum bl ing...maybe lose deep.
to conjugate our tongues ....meter again at least to me.
in such relations she inspires.

Enjoyed this slice of pi

David

(07-23-2011, 12:21 AM)critical mass Wrote:  sid

nicely done

I've never cared for Greek cuisine,
though I adore their pi.
But any lass of foreign tongue
need only breathe a sigh
to make me stumble o'er my own
while mumbling deep desires.......meter is off here, mum bl ing...maybe lose deep.
to conjugate our tongues ....meter again at least to me.
in such relations she inspires.

Enjoyed this slice of pi
David

David,
I thank you for reading and commenting, as I genuinely respect your poetry skills.
I don't know why I posted this as one stanza. It was originally written as as two but I left it alone after posting. The enjambment that bothered you is purposeful. When I first came up with the rhyme a few years ago, another poet I respect critiqued this and helped me after suggesting I eliminate some extraneous words by re-writing this as Ballad Meter: “…i.e., alternating lines of iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter, with the last words of the second and fourth lines rhyming, an xbyb rhyme scheme.” *

Sid

*Reference: Bob's Byway

Excellent title. The use of pi is inspired in its double entendre.

Oh, the allure of accents . This was a really fun piece

I find it really hard to go past a pun or three

This is wonderfully good fun. The meter is spot on, and you use assonance and alliteration throughout to send this trippingly off the untangled tongue.

Thank you all for commenting.

Sid

i agree with leanne on the meter, here we say mum bling, so for me the line is nigh on perfect.

Sid

Sorry about my mum bl ing.

David

mumb ling to himself

(07-23-2011, 08:31 AM)critical mass Wrote:  Sid
Sorry about my mum bl ing.
David

mumb ling to himself

Not a problem (...pro b lem?)
Around here, I always heard it both ways and figured it was one of those words that would be interpreted either way, so if it tweaks the meter ever so slightly or not, it's fine with me.

Sid