(05-18-2025, 12:51 AM)DaveAshley Wrote: Spring brought forth the dusting of grandeur see below about "the"
The blossom exploding from baring bud, "baring bud" is good
Showering lawns with lilac dander. the image comes across well - unexpected choice of word
A benediction bound in nature’s love. this line is an example of iambic pentameter (see below). Combine (enjamb) with previous line?
Branches laden, heavy with flowers
Sweet adulation in perfumed repose,
Beauty distinct fragrant overpowers line needs a little work
Consuming the senses is manic throes. perhaps "in" for "is" - these two lines could fit together well with a bit of work
Then it fruits, its summery shift
To languish berries bright bursting red perhaps "brightly" for "bright?"
For us to pick as the seasonal gift
Before the tree starts to Autumnal shed. "its" for "to" perhaps
Start again your sleep encrusted with snow
Until the awakening when winter goes. maybe lose "the" here
Thought i'd try a sonnet
In Basic critique, two general comments first (and don't take any of the advice too much to heart).
First, while I don't mind, many will object to capitalizing the beginning of each line when not grammatically required (that is, when it doesn't begin a sentence). It looks old-fashioned. More practically, lack of a capital letter is easier to spot than a missing period at the end of the line before.
Second, use of "the." It looks and sounds more poetic to either not use "the" or (better) replace it with a more specific, descriptive word. A rule you can follow is to save "the" for a unique example -
a bishop,
the Pope. True, people don't talk that way, but this is art, not conversation (unless you're trying to convey conversation in your poem).
You have some amusing near-rhymes, which is fine, and in general don't seem to have twisted your writing to force rhymes. That's good - shows skill and vocabulary.
I have trouble reading this with a repeating beat or meter. Traditionally, English sonnets are written in "iambic pentameter," that is, each line has ten or eleven beats starting with unstressed and alternating with stressed. Your
[a]
ben e
dic tion
bound in
na ture’s
love
is a good example. Meter (like this) seems to go with rhymed poetry - you might try practicing; tapping your foot in time to your own poetry is permitted, when you're alone
. A trick: shifting between adjectives, adverbs, and so forth is handy for managing syllable count and beat; so is changing word order.
Not too basic, I hope. It's a good theme, worth playing with for practice.
