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03-17-2025, 02:19 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2025, 08:24 PM by CRNDLSM.)
Clock in, clock out,
zone in, zone out,
new tables, same worries,
same tables, new stories.
Each day begins.
Clock in again.
New friends, same places,
same names, new faces.
No one sees sun.
Clock out, days done.
Same ways, new worries,
new ways, same stories,
zone in, zone out,
clock in, clock out.
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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(03-17-2025, 02:19 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: Clock in Clock out
Zone in Zone out
New tables, <-- Here same worries
Same tables, and here new stories
Each day begins
Clock in again
New friends same places
Same names new faces
No one sees sun
Clock out days done
Same ways new worries
New ways same stories
Zone in zone out
Clock in Clock out
I think if you use commas in those instances, then you need them after 'friends', 'names', 'out,' etc. Either no commas or a whole bunch. Choose one. Other than that, I love it. Everymanish.
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(03-17-2025, 02:19 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: Clock in Clock out
Zone in Zone out
New tables, same worries
Same tables, new stories
Each day begins
Clock in again
New friends same places
Same names new faces
No one sees sun
Clock out days done
Same ways new worries
New ways same stories
Zone in zone out
Clock in Clock out
I love how this one's repetition adds so much to the theme. It really
feels like what you are trying to portray. Good work.
Posts: 470
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Joined: Dec 2017
(03-17-2025, 02:19 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: Clock in Clock out
Zone in Zone out
New tables, same worries
Same tables, new stories
Each day begins
Clock in again
New friends same places
Same names new faces
No one sees sun
Clock out days done
Same ways new worries
New ways same stories
Zone in zone out
Clock in Clock out
This is quite brilliant. Captures the essence of a retail / service job without being gimmicky.
More please.
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(03-17-2025, 02:19 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: Clock in Clock out
Zone in Zone out
New tables, same worries
Same tables, new stories
Each day begins
Clock in again
New friends same places
Same names new faces
No one sees sun I loathe to suggest it, but adding a 'the' might be appropriate before 'sun'
Clock out days done
Same ways new worries
New ways same stories
Zone in zone out
Clock in Clock out
Yes, well done. Nice "same shit, different day", new/old duality of life.
Posts: 952
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Joined: Aug 2016
Thanks friends!, I added them commas, back to work now
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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03-17-2025, 08:58 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2025, 08:58 PM by RiverNotch.)
welp, this is in misc, so
i mean, i would think of the tv series Friends, too, but this one---as others have already noted---is too retail, too lower or middle middle class, for that show xD also i've barely watched that series, whereas i've listened to this song dozens of times....
i do like it punctuated more than not
