FRIENDS

"Do you ever develop feelings 
for your friends?"

Co-Worker asked casually,
folding up bags of coffee
at a productive pace.

Being a bi man, it's not
too tough to avoid
binaries within friends.

"Yeah, it's funny you mention it
I've...... 
been feeling a little heart break since
my best friend

(coworker heard her name
an immeasurable amount since 
my friend moved back.)

moved back home
to spend time traveling."


FEELINGS

Wearing feelings
like handmade beanies
she made me
for watching her black cat:
The King of Shadows.

Folks compliment every hat

"Thanks,
my best friend made it."

After she left. 
These handmade gifts
became relics of a time
gone.

Her old apartment was
blocks away from
my trailer:
"The Liberty".

My friend is
A reminder,
love is not always a thing
felt after a kiss,

or under the sheets 
of a room
hardly been in.

When she saw
crying on her last night

She hugged me twice.
Leaving....laughing....loving me
until we meet again.

Hey Bunx, this is lovely. One thought I had is there are lots of short sentences, some of which might be smoother if they were combined together.

For sure! I wrote this at my favorite coffee shop on my phone. Been catching lil edits to fix! I'll keep that in mind and see what I can do.

Thanks alot for the read and feedback

(04-22-2024, 01:40 AM)Bunx Wrote:  FRIENDS

"Do you ever develop feelings 
for your friends?"

My co worker asked casually 
folding up bags of coffee
at a productive pace. ... I like the 'productive pace' 

Being a bi man, it's not
too tough to avoid
binaries within friends.

"Yeah, it's funny you mention. I've 
been feeling a little heart break since
my best friend Sarah

(They heard her name
an immeasurable amount since 
she moved back.)

moved back home
to spend some time traveling."


FEELINGS

It's strange how I wear ...not sure about 'it's strange'
these feelings 

like the handmade beanies
she made me for watching
her cat. ...nice little detail

Folks compliment every hat
she made for me.

"Thanks,
my best friend made it."

Evidence people see things
you could never buy. ... I don't see the paradox here, but it's an ok line

After she left. 
I grew to like the things
she made even more.

When she moved here
she chose an apartment 
close to mine, ...this and the previous strophe are spread over 6 lines....maybe economise? the content is not compelling enough for 6 lines

everyday I can see her old front 
door on my drive to work.

A reminder that
love is not a thing
felt after a kiss,

or under the sheets 
of a room you've 
hardly been in. .....this and the previous strophe sound preachy

Love is something you choose,
a place you want to be. 

Someone that wants you to be there.

When she sees
me crying on her last night
in town,

she won't let me go
without a second long hug.

Leaving me better off 
for being there.

Nice one...maybe a little tightening needed

Update: I did a quick edit and took out and condensed some ideas. I added "always" to hopefully make those lines seem to be less preachy or exclusionary.

Thanks aton for the feedback Busker. I deleted a whole reply on accident explaining were "strange" from in the second part the poem, why is relates to the two stanzas you mentioned were preachy or potentially exclusionary.

The subject is coming to terms with their feelings they're having outside of the idea of love without romance, within a close friendship.

Hey Bunx. Good to see you. I just wanted to jump in with a boring edit for you to think about. I will only tackle the first section.
Punctuation is so hard to master and I'm still a student. I think the first bit should be punctuated thusly...

"Do you ever develop feelings 
for your friends?",

my co worker asked casually,
folding up bags of coffee
at a productive pace.

Otherwise "My co worker asked..." sounds like a new and incomplete idea. 
I'm not the expert on punctuation but it does matter and editing one poem improves the next. 
Duke is really good with grammar and punctuation. He's kindly corrected me several times. 

(04-22-2024, 01:40 AM)Bunx Wrote:  FRIENDS

"Do you ever develop feelings 
for your friends?"

My co worker asked casually 
folding up bags of coffee
at a productive pace.

Being a bi man, it's not
too tough to avoid
binaries within friends.

"Yeah, it's funny you mention. I've 
been feeling a little heart break since
my best friend Sarah

(They heard her name
an immeasurable amount since 
she moved back.)

moved back home
to spend some time traveling."


FEELINGS

I wear these feelings
like the handmade beanies
she made me for watching
her cat.

Folks compliment every hat
she made for me.

"Thanks,
my best friend made it."

After she left. 
I grew to like the things
she crocheted even more.

I look at her old apartment,
blocks away from mine
Everytime I drive to work.

A reminder,
love is not always a thing
felt after a kiss,

or under the sheets 
of a room you've 
hardly been in.

Love is something you choose,
a place you want to be. 

Someone that wants you to be there.

When she sees
me crying on her last night
in town,

she won't let me go
without a second long hug.

Leaving me better off 
for being there.

Hey tiger! Thanks for the edit!
I admittedly am hesitant to post in the workshop forums
because I've have had some less than helpful feedback
in the past. I write for fun, though I love getting workshop and edit
suggestions. I just remember a few folks ripping apart my
writing to the point where I was like "why am I even on here :/"

(04-22-2024, 01:40 AM)Bunx Wrote:  FRIENDS

"Do you ever develop feelings 
for your friends?"

bunx's co worker asked casually 
folding up bags of coffee
at a productive pace.

*bunx is*
Being a bi man, it's not
too tough to avoid
binaries within friends.

"Yeah, it's funny you mention it Kaley.
I've...... 
been feeling a little heart break since
my best friend Sarah

(Co Worker Sarah and Kaley heard her name
an immeasurable amount since 
Sarah moved back.)

moved back home
to spend time traveling."


FEELINGS

Bunx wears these feelings
like the handmade beanies
Sarah made me for watching
Bear.
The King of Shadows.

Folks compliment every hat
Sarah made for Bunx.

"Thanks,
Sarah made it."

After my best friend, Sarah left. 
Bunx grew to like the things
Sarah crocheted more.

Bunx looks at Sarah's old apartment,
blocks away from Bunx's spot "the liberty"
Wherever Bunx drives to work.

Sarah is Bunx's best friend.

Sarah Is
A reminder,
love is not always a thing
felt after a kiss,

or under the sheets 
of a room Bunx has 
hardly been in.

Bunx Love Sarah
Bunx chose Sarah's couch
for over two years.
an obvious choice....For Bunx.

When Sarah sees
bunx crying on Sarah's last night
in town,

Sarah won't let bunx go
without a second long hug.

Leaving bunx better off 
for being there.

(04-23-2024, 01:11 AM)Bunx Wrote:  Hey tiger! Thanks for the edit!
I admittedly am hesitant to post in the workshop forums
because I've have had some less than helpful feedback
in the past. I write for fun, though I love getting workshop and edit
suggestions. I just remember a few folks ripping apart my
writing to the point where I was like "why am I even on here :/"

Someone wripping your writing apart only matters if you agree with them, then it's useful so you can improve it.

If you disagree, it's irrelevant. I might cook a meal I love and my friend might hate it - wouldn't bother me at all because it's what I like to eat.

after almost dying im seeing through the reason i joined this site
to write childrens poems
ill figure it out

to be frank people have been none stopped worried that im not passive it is so insulting, i just dont care much.
i sick of faking normal, you almost die from medication you just stop caring

im just seeing the world as a pissed 18yo forcing drugs down
and just going with, i got prescribed geodon and it drove me literally manic
i just need to be flushing my system doing art it is what it is
what is so down is the stigma and urgency just feeds itself
you can treat your body without getting addicted to whatever

all these poem will make sense to the kids in my life