embittered winter
pisses slush on our parade--
such a sore loser

(03-26-2024, 05:23 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  embittered winter
pisses slush on our parade--
such a sore loser

Great imagery. Is *embittered* needed, as the final line is expressing the same thing? I love the middle line-really original. In the name of haiku succinctness and last line punch I might write it thus:


winter
pissing slush on our parade     
  - sore loser

Hello Tiger -

A nice shorty - succinct and punchy,

Not so sure about the last line - perhaps overstating things and a bit twee...
maybe-

embittered writer
pissing slush
on our parade

Good insight here - all us poets can relate.................N