It could be a tumor or it could be demons,
your symptoms will still be the same.
Can't say which is worse, a malignance or mystery,
or which one is worse for the brain. 

Pale entrails in cauldrons, wild pine nuts divining,
or oracle bones cloaked in smoke,
would shame all the blood draws and blood sugar panels,
the blitheness of shrugging white coats.

They quibble insurance while specters still linger 
behind every negative test.
With questions unanswered and answers unquestioned,
we hold each breath tight to our chests.

(08-01-2023, 01:29 AM)O. M. Geezersnaps Wrote:  It could be a tumor or it could be demons,
your symptoms will still be the same.
Can't say which is worse, a malignance or mystery,        "a possession" ?
or which one is worse for the brain. 

Pale entrails in cauldrons, wild pine nuts divining,
or oracle bones cloaked in smoke,
would shame all the blood draws and blood sugar panels,     I know nothing about medicine, but I think something more invasive than a blood sugar test would be involved; "blood draws and MRIs"?
the blitheness of shrugging white coats.

They quibble insurance while specters still linger 
behind every negative test.
With questions unanswered and answers unquestioned,
we hold each breath tight to our chests.

I don't have much to suggest aside from the above; it's a strong poem and already seems pretty polished.  Last line left me puzzling why it's "we" and "our", but I have my guesses.

TqB

(08-01-2023, 01:29 AM)O. M. Geezersnaps Wrote:  It could be a tumor or it could be demons,
your symptoms will still be the same.
Can't say which is worse, a malignance or mystery,         doesn't seem like quite the right word, demony enough.  I like the sonics though
or which one is worse for the brain. 

Pale entrails in cauldrons, wild pine nuts divining,     this also seems too mild though it reads well
or oracle bones cloaked in smoke,
would shame all the blood draws and blood sugar panels,
the blitheness of shrugging white coats.           also get stuck here, doesn't really role off the tongue

They quibble insurance while specters still linger 
behind every negative test.
With questions unanswered and answers unquestioned,   I like this line.  sums up both sides of navigating the health system.
we hold each breath tight to our chests.

Hi OMG,
Glad to see you posting.  I like what you've done here.  I feel you have given a poignant peek at illness.  I would like to see you use the title to add something rather than just the first line.  One title that came to mind (I don't like it that much) as an example is "Protoplasm or neoplasm".  something like that, maybe.  My only other comment is stylistic  in that there are parts that are a little conversational and could be tightened but certainly not a deal breaker for this reader.
Thanks for the read,
Bryn

(08-01-2023, 01:29 AM)O. M. Geezersnaps Wrote:  It could be a tumor or it could be demons,
your symptoms will still be the same.
Can't say which is worse, a malignance or mystery,
or which one is worse for the brain. .... the repetition of 'worse' sounds off

Pale entrails in cauldrons, wild pine nuts divining, .... 
or oracle bones cloaked in smoke, .... the 'or ORACLE' makes me stutter, even in the head
would shame all the blood draws and blood sugar panels,
the blitheness of shrugging white coats. .... a great line

They quibble insurance while specters still linger 
behind every negative test.
With questions unanswered and answers unquestioned,
we hold each breath tight to our chests. 

I like the slant rhymes of same / brain, smoke / coats, test / chests. Cleverly done.
Overall, a wonderful poem

Does O. M. stand for Ontological Mathematics?

Getting rid of every It/it and your would make the They and we and our spookier.

Hello snapper-

The meter and rhyming are well executed and I can only offer a few suggestions:

It could be a tumor; it could be demons,
your symptoms will still be the same.  'demons/symptoms' is a cool internal near-rhyme
Can't say it's malignance or mystery,
or which one is worse for the brain.

It' either pale entrails in cauldrons, wild pine nuts divining,  Thrown off here everytime I read it.
and oracle bones cloaked in smoke,
or blood draws and blood sugar panels,
and the blitheness of shrugging white coats.

This quibbling about insurance while specters still linger
behind every negative test.
With questions unanswered and answers unquestioned,
we hold each breath tight to our chests. 

The slight changes I inserted are merely suggestions- this one is an overall successful write.

By the way, welcome to the Pen,
- Mark

Thank you for the feedback, everyone. Seems like there's some bumps in the road -- gotta get out the old steamroller. 
Shall be back with a rewrite as soon as I can manage.

---

(08-01-2023, 12:40 PM)rowens Wrote:  Does O. M. stand for Ontological Mathematics?

Obstetric Mycology