3am
doorstep
- astronomy

or (thanks to Duke)

3am
doorstep
- seeing stars

or even possibly

3am
doorstep
- constellations

or 

drunk
         doorstep
- constellations

and also (thanks to Mark)

3am:
drunk, doorstep,
      seeing stars

(05-20-2022, 10:54 PM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:  3am
doorstep
- astronomy

Yeah, good time to see stars, until you pick yourself up and have a look at the ones up in the sky instead.  (Why do they put that pesky step there, anyway?)

(05-24-2022, 04:07 AM)dukealien Wrote:  Yeah, good time to see stars, until you pick yourself up and have a look at the ones up in the sky instead.  (Why do they put that pesky step there, anyway?)

You gotta have a doorstep - or else I might have nothing small and mundane to juxtapose with the solar system/galaxy/local galactic group

Although thanks for the alternative view of the poem - i like it - it could be changed to 

3am
doorstep
- seeing stars

and it might cover both options better

(05-24-2022, 04:11 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:  

(05-24-2022, 04:07 AM)dukealien Wrote:  Yeah, good time to see stars, until you pick yourself up and have a look at the ones up in the sky instead.  (Why do they put that pesky step there, anyway?)

You gotta have a doorstep - or else I might have nothing small and mundane to juxtapose with the solar system/galaxy/local galactic group

Although thanks for the alternative view of the poem - i like it - it could be changed to 

3am
doorstep
- seeing stars

and it might cover both options better

HA! - I love the latest version, and thanks to Duke for getting ya on to it- gives a whole different spin to early morning stars. I don't think it's what you originally intended, but it does open this one up to interesting interpretations.

(05-24-2022, 07:09 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  HA! - I love the latest version, and thanks to Duke for getting ya on to it- gives a whole different spin to early morning stars. I don't think it's what you originally intended, but it does open this one up to interesting interpretations.

Thanks Mark, I'm loving it too, I've posted both versions up top - plus another thought

I was just trying to be as minimal as possible so I'd be lying if I said it was my original intention - but hey we're all poets here so...

It was most definitely my original intention 

Hey- you could easily go completely 'syllabic', with three, three syllable lines, with commas for the tripped up effect, with a little indent at the third line to add to it. I also threw in a colon after 3am, for separation (hesitation). I'm fascinated by what a bit of punctuation, and nine simple syllables can do... 

3am:
drunk, doorstep,
      seeing stars

(05-24-2022, 10:16 PM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  Hey- you could easily go completely 'syllabic', with three, three syllable lines, with commas for the tripped up effect, with a little indent at the third line to add to it. I also threw in a colon after 3am, for separation (hesitation). I'm fascinated by what a bit of punctuation, and nine simple syllables can do... 

3am:
drunk, doorstep,
      seeing stars

I like it Mark
It has been added to the list. I'm pleased with the way this one has evolved