The computer has stolen my hands again
and the clock just smoked my last cigarette,
these are tough times for us all
so we lean forward and practice our spitting:
boredom is illegal like the river at our backs
and none of us have a knack for squealing.

Though the blind can read our banknotes,
changing the time with wound up whistles,
it’s all invention, even the ending,
swallowed down into a hollow beginning,
dancing in the shoals on the backs of turtles.

(05-11-2022, 06:37 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  The computer has stolen my hands again
and the clock just smoked my last cigarette,
these are tough times for us all
so we lean forward and practice our spitting:   These lines are amazing, metaphors so clear.
boredom is illegal like the river at our backs
and none of us have a knack for squealing.

Though the blind can read our banknotes,
changing the time with wound up whistles,      love the alliteration.
it’s all invention, even the ending,
swallowed down into a hollow beginning,
dancing in the shoals on the backs of turtles.

As you know, I am new at this.  I like the rhythm and imagery of the rest of the poem, but I have to admit I'm not sure what you are trying to say.  Maybe that's the point!
Thanks.

(05-15-2022, 12:19 PM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  As you know, I am new at this.  Wouldn't have guessed that 

I like the rhythm and imagery of the rest of the poem, but I have to admit I'm not sure what you are trying to say.  Maybe that's the point!

Thanks.

Thanks for giving it a read and responding. I am not setting out to be obscure, this is just how it comes out in my attempts to communicate in an unfiltered way the strangeness of the world as I feel it at a particular moment. For me, these lines and images do connect and tell a story, but if you asked me to explain it, I couldn't.

Tim!

The first 4 lines are simply outstanding!

Also, “boredom is illegal” !!

Love yer style, brother.

More like this, please…

Thanks!
Mark

(05-15-2022, 06:31 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  

(05-15-2022, 12:19 PM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  As you know, I am new at this.  Wouldn't have guessed that 

I like the rhythm and imagery of the rest of the poem, but I have to admit I'm not sure what you are trying to say.  Maybe that's the point!

Thanks.

Thanks for giving it a read and responding. I am not setting out to be obscure, this is just how it comes out in my attempts to communicate in an unfiltered way the strangeness of the world as I feel it at a particular moment. For me, these lines and images do connect and tell a story, but if you asked me to explain it, I couldn't.

No need to explain.  Thanks for a peek under the hood of your V6 turbo charged imagination!