Here’s a poem, just in case:

Sub-Five

Of swift foot running fleet across,
the hills and woods on asphalt tread
Gazing down deep shaded moss,
a burning solar plexus bed

Of burning cold upon the cheeks,
the head stretched up towards the sun
The cutting wind in sideways peaks,
left Reason at foothills to run

Of swift foot running flying kiss, 
leaps from the asphalt to concrete
Shoots warm the tiny squirt of piss
The earth extends to catch the feet.

(08-25-2020, 09:49 AM)Valerie Please Wrote:  Sub-Five

Of swift foot running fleet across,
the hills and woods on asphalt tread
Gazing down deep shaded moss,        a syllable short, but forgivable.
a burning solar plexus bed

Of burning cold upon the cheeks,
the head stretched up towards the sun
The cutting wind in sideways peaks,
left Reason at foothills to run          we had some partial meter until here. the sudden spondee sent me spinning.

Of swift foot running flying kiss,
leaps from the asphalt to concrete        I'd rather see consistent meter until the leap. At this point, I'd accept a spondee or caesura without question.
Shoots warm the tiny squirt of piss
The earth extends to catch the feet.

Haven't actually done any for a while. Had to read it many times before I was able to put anything together. Man I am far out of practice.

Simply, I see someone running. I'd like to see something in a straight trochaic meter, to give the sense of speed. An occasional slip is acceptable, if also mentioned in verse.
The leap does have a small disruption, but not to the desired effect.

Quote:What did nobody post anything today?!?!

Life gets in the way lately.