I heard a father toad sigh to the string of black pearl children
notions of the deepest toad love,
parting notions.
He dare not look upon them once the wriggling started
    -lest the tongue-
  (It need not be said. It had happened to other toads.)

He sighed, “Treasure the tails my darlings.
Suckle the stones.
But if the puddle dries up,
you sprout legs quick.  Your warts will protect you now.
You’ll find you must piss in a mouth or two
if you want to string your own puddle-shined necklace
down the depths
of evolutionary time.”

Hey Acappella,
You picked an original image to center your poem on. My biggest suggestions would have to do with the wording and possible subtext. I'll go into more detail below:

(07-26-2018, 12:11 PM)Acappella Wrote:  I heard a father toad sigh to the string of black pearl children -I like the phrase "black pearl" children" as describing the tadpoles. It made me stop and think about the line, which is a good thing in my opinion.
notions of the deepest toad love, -The repetition of "toad" here isn't needed. The same is true of the next line with the word "notions". I would suggest compacting the two lines to read something like: "parting notions of deep love"
parting notions.
He dare not look upon them once the wriggling started -I would suggest compacting these three lines as well into something like: "he dare not say as he looked/ upon their wiggling beginnings".
    -lest the tongue- -Others might disagree, but I think the word "lest" is too old fashioned, so I  would suggest using a different word if you plan on keeping this line.
  (It need not be said. It had happened to other toads.)

He sighed, “Treasure the tails my darlings. -Is the repetition of "sigh" intentional?
Suckle the stones.
But if the puddle dries up,
you sprout legs quick.  Your warts will protect you now.
You’ll find you must piss in a mouth or two
if you want to string your own puddle-shined necklace -There is a lot of use of "you" here, so I would suggest thinking of rewording these lines a bit.
down the depths
of evolutionary time.” -I feel like you need to play around with this dialogue a bit more. What is said here should carry some metaphorical weight, so he is addressing the tadpoles and the reader. Right now, I think it's clear he's talking to the tadpoles, but it doesn't connect to the reader enough. I hope that makes sense.

I hope what I said here was helpful, and I look forward to seeing where you take this piece from here.

Cheers,
Richard

Hi Acapella,
must admit, this one's grown on me.

Some comments and suggestions.

From the ditch by the concession stand
I don't think this does enough, it doesn't
seem to relate to the poem at all.


I heard a father toad sigh
(maybe describe the sigh? Deep as...
then you could repeat 'sigh' at the start
of L2)
to the string of black pearl children
(great line)
notions of parting, of the deepest
'notions' is a bit weak, given what
is being conveyed.
toad love, [of how h]e dare not look
upon them once the wriggling started[.]
(It need not be said. It had happened
to other toads.)

“Treasure th[os]e tails my [gleaming?] darlings.
Suckle the stones. But if the puddle dries,
sprout legs quick. Your warts will protect you
now. [Y]ou must piss in a mouth or two
if you want to string your own
can you find a better alternative to
the repetition of 'string'?
puddle-shined necklace"
(The title says 'ditch', where'd the
puddle come from?)


Hope this is of use.


Best, Knot.

(07-26-2018, 12:11 PM)Acappella Wrote:  I heard a father toad sigh to the string of black pearl children
notions of the deepest toad love,--- dont need to say toad again here, it's a little redundant
parting notions.
He dare not look upon them once the wriggling started
    -lest the tongue-
  (It need not be said. It had happened to other toads.)

He sighed, “Treasure the tails my darlings.
Suckle the stones.
But if the puddle dries up,
you sprout legs quick.  Your warts will protect you now.-- too many "you's"; take out the one before sprout and maybe "your warts are your protection now"
You’ll find you must piss in a mouth or two
if you want to string your own puddle-shined necklace
down the depths
of evolutionary time.”

(07-26-2018, 12:11 PM)Acappella Wrote:  I heard a father toad sigh to the string of black pearl children     Obvious sexual imagery is refreshing and blunt
notions of the deepest toad love,
parting notions.              This rejoinder is logically necessary and formally constructive
He dare not look upon them once the wriggling started
    -lest the tongue-         The punctuation helps to accentuate and define the toad anatomy of the poems anatomy,
  (It need not be said. It had happened to other toads.)  The paranthetical comment shows, again, that this is just as much story, if not more so, than poem

He sighed, “Treasure the tails my darlings.
Suckle the stones.                                    This line is properly poetic as it is odd, peculiar and alliterative
But if the puddle dries up,
you sprout legs quick.  Your warts will protect you now.
You’ll find you must piss in a mouth or two           I like the strength and impoliteness of this line
if you want to string your own puddle-shined necklace
down the depths
of evolutionary time.”

It strikes me that this is more of an anecdote of imaginary story-telling than it is properly a poem.   However, that being said, there is the early denomination of the toad's own off-spring as "black pearl children."   It is quite possibly this transformation of self-reflected ideation and identification which makes the vignette a poem.  There is that and also the general demonstration that frivolity plays in a not so delicate way against the sobering and sombering length of evolutionary time which all life in its many forms must contend with.