Long Ago

Long ago on a warm summer day 
There sat a young boy
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be high up on the wall
His parents were worried about him
His parents tried to move him
The young boy remained motionless

Long ago on a mild fall day
There sat a man
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be in the middle of the wall
His parents tried to stop him
His relatives tried to ignore him
The man remained motionless

Long ago on a cold winter night
There sat an old man
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be on the bottom of the wall
Children were told to play away from him
His family had given up on him
The old man remained motionless

On that cold winter night
A child went up to the old man
First the child looked at the wall
Then looked at the old man's hand
The child reached out and gave the old man's finger a tug
The ground shook just a little
And a fowl smell filled the room
The old man looked up and said, "Thank you."
__________________________________________

This is a piece of work I wrote in 2006 when I was still in high school.  It has been a long time since I have written creatively as all I do is technical writing when I have to. Recent events in my life reminded me of this poem and I was compelled to update it to reflect them.  For those "Adults" in the room who think this is just a fart joke, I would hope that take another look as the intention was to show a child's innocence and how society tries to tell us what is acceptable.  For those who care I will post the original below.  
__________________________________________

Long Ago - Original

Long ago on a warm summer day 
There sat a young boy
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be high up on the wall
Children tried to play with him
Adults tried to move him
The young boy remained motionless

Long ago on a mild fall day
There sat a man
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be in the middle of the wall
Children tried to play around him
Adults tried to ignore him
The man remained motionless

Long ago on a cold winter night
There sat an old man
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be on the bottom of the wall
Children played away from him
Adults had forgotten him
The old man remained motionless

On that cold winter night
A child went up to the old man
First the child looked at the wall
Then looked at the old man's hand
The child reached out and gave the old man's finger a tug
The ground shook just a little
And a fowl smell filled the room
The old man looked up and said, "Thank you."

This is a good fart joke. I was thinking so critically about the slow progression, the parallels between strophes (kinda like we will rock you by queen) then I was about to complain about the last strophe when the child pulled his finger and a terrible stench filled the room. I loved the ending, I would t know what else to say

Hello DS. I think you could cut some words and repetition without really losing anything. I will try to demonstrate below without making a mess.

(08-16-2017, 03:48 AM)DS85 Wrote:  Long Ago

Long ago on a warm summer day 
There sat a young boy
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be high up on the wall
His parents were worried about him
His parents  (and) tried to move him
The young boy  (but he) remained motionless

Long ago on a mild fall day similarly in the remaining strophes
There sat a man
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be in the middle of the wall
His parents tried to stop him
His relatives tried to ignore him
The man remained motionless

Long ago on a cold winter night
There sat an old man
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be on the bottom of the wall
Children were told to play away from him
His family had given up on him
The old man remained motionless

On that cold winter night
A child went up to the old man
First the child looked at the wall
Then looked at the old man's hand
The child reached out and gave the old man's finger a tug
The ground shook just a little
And a fowl smell filled the room
The old man looked up and said, "Thank you."
__________________________________________

This is a piece of work I wrote in 2006 when I was still in high school.  It has been a long time since I have written creatively as all I do is technical writing when I have to. Recent events in my life reminded me of this poem and I was compelled to update it to reflect them.  For those "Adults" in the room who think this is just a fart joke, I would hope that take another look as the intention was to show a child's innocence and how society tries to tell us what is acceptable.  For those who care I will post the original below.  
__________________________________________

Long Ago - Original

Long ago on a warm summer day 
There sat a young boy
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be high up on the wall
Children tried to play with him
Adults tried to move him
The young boy remained motionless

Long ago on a mild fall day
There sat a man
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be in the middle of the wall
Children tried to play around him
Adults tried to ignore him
The man remained motionless

Long ago on a cold winter night
There sat an old man
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be on the bottom of the wall
Children played away from him
Adults had forgotten him
The old man remained motionless

On that cold winter night
A child went up to the old man
First the child looked at the wall
Then looked at the old man's hand
The child reached out and gave the old man's finger a tug
The ground shook just a little
And a fowl smell filled the room
The old man looked up and said, "Thank you."

The other issue I have is with "the wall." What wall? You don't tell us. Any descriptor would help... a stone wall, a brick wall, the Berlin wall, the great wall of China... 

Thanks for the read,
Paul

the old finger pulling fart joke

with joke poetry the timing has to be spot on as does the lead up; while it got a smile from me i sort of knew what was coming. there were lot's of excess baggage which could be removed. the poem also needs more poetic devises such as alliteration, simlie/mataphor, consonance and/or others. just pick a few and the joke will improve. was the man an old goat or fat pudding, was his finger cigar shaped or twig-like, did he have a glass marble in one socket...add something new to the joke, nonetheless, thanks for the smile.

Long Ago

Long ago on a warm summer day 
There sat a young boy
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be high up on the wall
His parents were worried about him
His parents tried to move him
The young boy remained motionless

Long ago on a mild fall day
There sat a man
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be in the middle of the wall
His parents tried to stop him
His relatives tried to ignore him
The man remained motionless

Long ago on a cold winter night
There sat an old man
Sitting as still as he could be
His hand seemed to be pointing at something
Something that appeared to be on the bottom of the wall
Children were told to play away from him
His family had given up on him
The old man remained motionless

On that cold winter night
A child went up to the old man
First the child looked at the wall
Then looked at the old man's hand
The child reached out and gave the old man's finger a tug            -only thing that stuck out is I would swap "The child" for He.
The ground shook just a little
And a fowl smell filled the room
The old man looked up and said, "Thank you."



I like how each stanza starts out in the title, changing each beginning line mildly to fit the time, and is appropriately omitted in the last.
Cute poem.


nibbed