Sweet Themmes, run softly
for the day is not long
to close, and she
not among 
those thronging your banks,
though the hour draws near
when I end my song.

(07-08-2017, 01:00 AM)Achebe Wrote:  Sweet Themmes, run softly
for the day is not long
to close, and she
not among
those thronging on your banks,
though the hour draws near
where I end my song.

Hey Achebe. With a little patience I found the original, which was new to me. So thanks for that. There is a subtlety to the rhymes that I really enjoyed. Especially the slanted "among" dead in the middle.
Cheers for the read. 
Paul

Thanks, Achebe, I never heard the word prothalamion nor read Spencer's poem, he sure can run on. I had to look up whilom, too.

"There whilom wont the Templar Knights to bide, " What a line.

I like:
Not among
those thronging on your banks
but "where" in the last line sounds a bit off, seems like "when" would be right to my ear, maybe I'm missing something.

Thanks for the read(s).

(07-08-2017, 01:00 AM)Achebe Wrote:  Sweet Themmes, run softly
for the day is not long
to close, and she
not among
those thronging on your banks,
though the hour draws near
where I end my song.

thanks, Tiger, Ella.
I have half a mind to throw in a 'shadows' to half-rhyme with 'close' at the expense of 'thronging'....there, I've done it.
@ella - I thought the near / where combo would sound ok, but I guess when / end is more pleasing to the ear.

(07-08-2017, 04:02 AM)Achebe Wrote:  thanks, Tiger, Ella.
I have half a mind to throw in a 'shadows' to half-rhyme with 'close' at the expense of 'thronging'....there, I've done it.
@ella - I thought the near / where combo would sound ok, but I guess when / end is more pleasing to the ear.

Shadows is nice sonically, but throngs painted more of a wedding picture for me. You might be able to have your cake and eat it too with "those shadows that throng..." or something like it.