I've never tried poetry like this before and wouldn't if it weren't for Richard. Thank you for inspiring me and giving me some good pointers!

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Edit 1:

A prince of the sky;
Self-proclaimed.
Soaring through the heavens,
a celestial throne.
No contempt for balance,
When goals are in reach.
A middle ground in air,
Was hard to be found
and had resulted in
a grieving father.
Who witnessed light falling,
with tears of melted wax.
A crashing yellow sun
kissing a blue heaven farewell,
birthing green pastures below,
where sheep merrily roam,
confined like dreams.


Original;
The flight of Daedalus,
soaring.
No other can deny
the fall of Icarus.
A grieving father,
Witnessing a falling light.

Tears made of melted wax.
A crashing yellow sun.
kissing the blue heavens farewell,
birthing green pastures below.
where sheep merrily roam,
confined like dreams.

(06-20-2017, 07:10 AM)The Four-Eyed Cat Wrote:  The flight of Daedalus,
soaring.
No other can deny                              why would Daedalus deny the fall of his son?
the fall of Icarus.
A grieving father,
Witnessing a falling light.

Tears made of melted wax.
A crashing yellow sun.
kissing the blue heavens farewell,
birthing green pastures bellow.           bellow or below?
   in what sense did ikarus (or the sun or whoever was in labour) give birth to green pastures?    should the green pastures allude to Christianity? (as opposed to greek mythology?).  
where sheep merrily roam,             
confined like dreams.                  if I stretch a bit here I could think of comparing the seemingly content and merry sheep to Icarus who died for being too bold ..( if that even was your idea) but I don´t get which view the poem wants to value more. considering the title it seems to be important though, so maybe you could make it clearer.

(06-20-2017, 09:14 AM)vagabond Wrote:  

(06-20-2017, 07:10 AM)The Four-Eyed Cat Wrote:  why would Daedalus deny the fall of his son? 
He wouldn't

bellow or below? Below, my bad - edited it straight away! 
   in what sense did ikarus (or the sun or whoever was in labour) give birth to green pastures?    should the green pastures allude to Christianity? (as opposed to greek mythology?).       If you mix Blue (The sky) and the sun (Yellow), you get green (the pastures). It was more a play on that, besides, Daedalus was confined to an inescapable island.

if I stretch a bit here I could think of comparing the seemingly content and merry sheep to Icarus who died for being too bold ..( if that even was your idea) but I don´t get which view the poem wants to value more. considering the title it seems to be important though, so maybe you could make it clearer.

Daedalus and Icarus symbolize our wildest dreams, whereas the pastures symbolize the banilities of a normal life. Some wish to break free free from it and achieve great goals. Those who are too bold, pass away like Icarus. Those who do not try, are confined there forever.

Thank you for your feedback!

why would Daedalus deny the fall of his son?
He wouldn't
ah, so what is the significance of "no other can deny the fall of icarus"? the other items seem clear now after the explanation (although I don´t quite understand why the play on yellow, blue and green has a meaning in the poem. 

(06-20-2017, 08:50 PM)vagabond Wrote:  why would Daedalus deny the fall of his son?
He wouldn't
ah, so what is the significance of "no other can deny the fall of icarus"? the other items seem clear now after the explanation (although I don´t quite understand why the play on yellow, blue and green has a meaning in the poem. 

The main idea behind this was that the fall of Icarus is what scares others into living out their dreams. The fact that noone would deny his fall, is what keeps them (the confined dreams) all grounded - they are afraid they may share a similiar fate to Icarus.

I've decided to drop both direct references for Daedalus and Icarus as they unjustly hold the attention of the poem.

That being said, here's the first edit.

A prince of the sky;
Self-proclaimed.
Soaring through the heavens,
a celestial throne.
No contempt for balance,
When goals are in reach.
A middle ground in air,
Was hard to be found
and had resulted in
a grieving father.
Who witnessed light falling,
with tears of melted wax.
A crashing yellow sun
kissing a blue heaven farewell,
birthing green pastures below,
where sheep merrily roam,
confined like dreams.

On another note, if a mod could please swap this to either basic or moderate critique for workshopping (whichever thread would be better), i'd greatly appreciate it. I would love to get some feedback on how i could better myself with freeverse.