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Histories
Victors’ history, chock-full
of grand self-serving lies
is true as any die
compared to stories losers tell.
Non-practicing atheist
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"True as any die" is a lovely line, with just enough ambiguity for a short piece like this. I'm not so keen on "grand self-serving" but that's most likely because I've heard it so often lately -- and I suppose that's important in the context.
It could be worse
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(05-04-2017, 05:59 AM)Leanne Wrote: "True as any die" is a lovely line, with just enough ambiguity for a short piece like this. I'm not so keen on "grand self-serving" but that's most likely because I've heard it so often lately -- and I suppose that's important in the context.
Valid observation on "grand self-serving," which sort of is, itself  . ("True as a die" is a Texas-ism, though whether it refers to craps or machine-shop is unclear.)
Considering replacing "stories" with "whoppers," though it's more humorous than the original inspiration for the poem
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(05-04-2017, 05:27 AM)dukealien Wrote: Histories
Victors’ history, chock-full
of grand self-serving lies
is true as any die
compared to stories losers tell.
dukealian,
any die? or any dye?....I'm not sure how to take L3. Maybe omitting the conjunction at the beginning of L3 could enhance the read as well. anyway, I like it and hope my suggestions help.
Luna
In your own, each bone comes alive
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....
(Chris Martin)
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(05-14-2017, 12:05 AM)LunaDeLore Wrote: (05-04-2017, 05:27 AM)dukealien Wrote: Histories
Victors’ history, chock-full
of grand self-serving lies
is true as any die
compared to stories losers tell.
dukealian,
any die? or any dye?....I'm not sure how to take L3. Maybe omitting the conjunction at the beginning of L3 could enhance the read as well. anyway, I like it and hope my suggestions help.
Luna
To possibly alleviate confusion (though no reading is *wrong* - just what I was thinking when I wrote L3),
Good suggestions, all. Edit may result.
Non-practicing atheist
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For only 4 lines I think this poem is pretty effective. You seem to suggest that most of the history which we are exposed to comes from those of the 'victors' with their own interests in mind. A bold but interesting statemet all the same. I really struggle with 'as true as any die'. The ambiguity really obscures all the lines that follow it. Perhaps you could clear this line up a little bit. Even though I don't completely understand the last line, it is still effective.
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(05-14-2017, 10:51 AM)dukealien Wrote: (05-14-2017, 12:05 AM)LunaDeLore Wrote: (05-04-2017, 05:27 AM)dukealien Wrote: Histories
Victors’ history, chock-full
of grand self-serving lies
is true as any die
compared to stories losers tell.
dukealian,
any die? or any dye?....I'm not sure how to take L3. Maybe omitting the conjunction at the beginning of L3 could enhance the read as well. anyway, I like it and hope my suggestions help.
Luna
To possibly alleviate confusion (though no reading is *wrong* - just what I was thinking when I wrote L3),
Good suggestions, all. Edit may result. I liked that expression as well and I agree with you about bolt production.
Found this:
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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