Dealing with Sanity

Staggering through your adult life;
with illness, hardship, and psychotic strife.
Losing friends left and right,
to things assumed by blurred sight.

Can't even trust the radio,
dialing-in delusions on the stereo.
Wishing one can wave a wand,
ending this dance of delusion.

When eyes and ears,
breached by thoughts unclear.
Hear the voice that is sincere.
Help me back, persevere.

Seek help from those dressed in white.
Pills, apologies with technology within sight.
Things settle and are what they once were.
An individual with dreams of a future. 

Years go by working constantly to survive.
Keeping friends tight protecting ones mind.
Welcome back to now get ready to stay.
How do you know what one is after life's manic fray.

Dealing with being sane is better than insanity.
One can push beyond their limits forward is the strategy. 
Recognizing the past with all it's tragedy.
Your are stronger now smile blissfully in reality.

(04-06-2017, 02:34 AM)Bunx Wrote:  Dealing with Sanity

Staggering through your adult life;
with illness, hardship, and psychotic strife.
Losing friends left and right,
to things assumed by blurred sight.

Cannot even trust the radio that's on,
or the words to a favorite song.
Wishing one can wave a wand,
to end this dance with distractions.  Maybe change "distractions" to "distraction" so that the rhyme flows better, or rework the sentence so it can easily end with "distraction". 

Self identify that your eyes and ears, 10 syllables
are being deceived by thoughts unclear. 9 syllables
Hear the voice that is so sincere. 8 syllables
Help me back on the path, please persevere. 10 syllables, etc... 

Pills, plus apologies with technology, a narrow corridor.
Explaining morals, horrors, and a past restored.  
Things settle and one are what they once were.
An individual with dreams of a future. 

Years go by, working constantly to get paid.
Keeping friends tight, a working cogs refrain.
Welcome back to now, be here for a stay.
How do you know what one is after life's manic fray.

Dealing with being sane, is better than insanity.
One can push beyond their limits, forward is the strategy.  
Recognizing the past with all it's tragedy. The commas in the rest of these lines only work together when there is an interruption in every matching line. Besides that, they're just interruptions to the flow.
Your are stronger, now smile blissfully in reality.

Notes:
The flow in the stanzas could be more effectual if there was a semi-constant rhythm with syllable count. It's a little conservative, but I find the technique can really help. Notwithstanding, your use of alliteration is excellent, and I can only recommend more of it. 

(04-06-2017, 02:34 AM)Bunx Wrote:  Dealing with Sanity

Staggering through your adult life;
with illness, hardship, and psychotic strife.
Losing friends left and right,
to things assumed by blurred sight.

Cannot even trust the radio that's on, I think we'll know the radio is on. I think I noticed a meter from the first stanza. Right here, you could say: "Can't even trust the radio", or some other way to lessen word-usage. 
or the words to a favorite song.
Wishing one can wave a wand,
to end this dance with distractions. Dance of distractions? Dance on distractions? I'm sure you already went through and tried different preps, but for some reason I don't like with.

Self identify that your eyes and ears, Even though the next line mentions "thoughts unclear", I don't understand this line too well. What does "Self identify that" mean? I think you're expressing your self-image. On a smaller note, is the comma necessary? It's not a huge deal, since you must have reason for it.
are being deceived by thoughts unclear.
Hear the voice that is so sincere. I don't think you need the word so. Two reasons: This line will flow better without the word, and sincerity is strong enough by itself.
Help me back on the path, please persevere. "Help to guide this perseverance"? I think you can take some words out, make this less obvious.

Pills, plus apologies with technology, a narrow corridor. What does it mean to corridor? Nouns are not verbs, and poets are free to bend the rules, but it's best to really think why you want to bend the rules in the first place.
Explaining morals, horrors, and a past restored. I like this line because the consonance rolls the relationship between these three things well.  
Things settle and one are what they once were. I'm not sure what you're saying. One what? I see "Things are", but then "settle and one" confuses the meaning. Maybe this is your intention.
An individual with dreams of a future. Dreams often shatter and stab into your soul where your heart once was. I wrote a poem about shattered dreams and being hung by a noose. Maybe I should post it here.

Years go by, working constantly to get paid. Obviously, we will get paid for work.
Keeping friends tight, a working cogs refrain.
Welcome back to now, be here for a stay.
How do you know what one is after life's manic fray. 

Dealing with being sane, is better than insanity. Is it? Some people just want to let loose and be the best crazy they can possibly be.
One can push beyond their limits, forward is the strategy. 
Recognizing the past with all it's tragedy.
Your are stronger, now smile blissfully in reality. Good, positive spin. I read another one you wrote that did not end positively. I like that you brought this one to a more optimistic light.

I know you just posted this in "Poetry for Fun", but I wanted to critique more of your work. Thanks for writing.

Went through and made some smallish changed to this one! Thanks so much for the feedback, this poem deals with severe mental illness and the reflection of the past.

the poem is very impactful and depicts the dreariness of adult life,very good!

Oh!, this poem has a little depressive point of view about life. I think this is the way some young people feel.
It describes a kind of vicious circle, a prision for the free souls. "Always the same", "No future", "Nothing has sense".