A hard tide rubs raw
the knuckled bones of a beach
Fish heads poke through
mackerel eyes.
Where white hands haul a wrecking mist
I wash my mouth in sea-green,
a leaky man crocked and fuddled,
in a reeky mizzle.
Beyond the stone clumping town,
a swinging ark of a tavern
slops its grog over clinking mugs.
Crows ballyhoo in its rafters
gulls scarf a sloshing brine.
Nest me there on a mast of sky,
coddle me loose and snoring
on these off-shore banners.
For I have left the sea,
a rusty buoy now knells in me,
and it wallops in my dreams.

Lots of cool stuff in here. 

(11-24-2016, 02:31 AM)Sparkydashforth Wrote:  A hard tide rubs raw
the knuckled bones of a beach
Fish heads poke through
mackerel eye’s. -- Why is there an apostrophe?
Where white hands haul a wrecking mist
I wash my mouth in sea-green,
a leaky man crocked and fuddled,
in a reeky mizzle.
Beyond the stone clumping town,
a swinging ark of a tavern - swinging ark in a tavern? or swinging tavern ark?
slops its grog over clinking mugs. --  The tavern is slopping grog or are the sailors in the tavern doing it?
Crows ballyhoo in its rafters
gulls scarf a sloshing brine.
Nest me there on a mast of sky, 
coddle me loose and snoring
on these off-shore banners.
For I have left the sea,
a rusty buoy now knells in me, -- I guess buoys swing back and forth, so they can metaphorically knell.
and it wallops in my dreams. - I like the l sounds.

I think there are some cool lines. My suggestion would be to delete prepositions and make sure subject/verbs align if you think that may be an issue.

(11-24-2016, 06:10 AM)Brownlie Wrote:  Lots of cool stuff in here. 

(11-24-2016, 02:31 AM)Sparkydashforth Wrote:  A hard tide rubs raw
the knuckled bones of a beach
Fish heads poke through
mackerel eye’s. -- Why is there an apostrophe?
Where white hands haul a wrecking mist
I wash my mouth in sea-green,
a leaky man crocked and fuddled,
in a reeky mizzle.
Beyond the stone clumping town,
a swinging ark of a tavern - swinging ark in a tavern? or swinging tavern ark?
slops its grog over clinking mugs. --  The tavern is slopping grog or are the sailors in the tavern doing it?
Crows ballyhoo in its rafters
gulls scarf a sloshing brine.
Nest me there on a mast of sky, 
coddle me loose and snoring
on these off-shore banners.
For I have left the sea,
a rusty buoy now knells in me, -- I guess buoys swing back and forth, so they can metaphorically knell.
and it wallops in my dreams. - I like the l sounds.

I think there are some cool lines. My suggestion would be to delete prepositions and make sure subject/verbs align if you think that may be an issue.

Thanks for the feedback Brownlie,
Good suggestions and prompts from you.
Red-faced about the apostrophe.

Prost!

Overall some very good imagery

(11-24-2016, 02:31 AM)Sparkydashforth Wrote:  A hard tide rubs raw
the knuckled bones of a beach I love this image from the first two lines
Fish heads poke through
mackerel eyes. Suggests the fish's heads are coming out of their eyes
Where white hands haul a wrecking mist I'm not clear about what your trying to say with this line
I wash my mouth in sea-green,
a leaky man crocked and fuddled,
in a reeky mizzle. Great image of infirmity
Beyond the stone clumping town,
a swinging ark of a tavern
slops its grog over clinking mugs.
Crows ballyhoo in its rafters
gulls scarf a sloshing brine.
Nest me there on a mast of sky,  Good parallel of the bird to the man in this line
coddle me loose and snoring
on these off-shore banners.
For I have left the sea,
a rusty buoy now knells in me,
and it wallops in my dreams. Great image of old age and how his memories of the sea still affect him in his sleep

(11-26-2016, 11:36 PM)Mark Cecil Wrote:  Overall some very good imagery

(11-24-2016, 02:31 AM)Sparkydashforth Wrote:  A hard tide rubs raw
the knuckled bones of a beach I love this image from the first two lines
Fish heads poke through
mackerel eyes. Suggests the fish's heads are coming out of their eyes
Where white hands haul a wrecking mist I'm not clear about what your trying to say with this line
I wash my mouth in sea-green,
a leaky man crocked and fuddled,
in a reeky mizzle. Great image of infirmity
Beyond the stone clumping town,
a swinging ark of a tavern
slops its grog over clinking mugs.
Crows ballyhoo in its rafters
gulls scarf a sloshing brine.
Nest me there on a mast of sky,  Good parallel of the bird to the man in this line
coddle me loose and snoring
on these off-shore banners.
For I have left the sea,
a rusty buoy now knells in me,
and it wallops in my dreams. Great image of old age and how his memories of the sea still affect him in his sleep

Many thanks Mark!