Perhaps the season has long since past for this poem to be relevant, but I think it shows a bit of promise. With a bit of revision and tinkering, it should turn out just fine. Also, I haven't been to the forum for a while, so I am a bit rusty.

How I love to hear the song
Of the passing ice-cream truck-
Vending all its frozen treats
In the sweltered summer muck.

It seems to echo languidly
Through our quiet little street.
The drowsiness would melt us all,
Before we had our treat!

But now some different songs begin
And our little street surround,
As the youth of our fair neighborhood,
Cry and shriek and sound.

O! How I love to hear the children,
with crumpled bills in hand,
Of this joyous vendor-
Their sweets they quick demand.

And as they come about their prey,
Their laughs- they fill the air!
And fill our quiet neighborhood
With a child’s thoughts and cares.

So every day of every June,
In the swelter of the afternoon,
We dance and sing the merry tune
Of the passing ice-cream truck.

I don't think seasons matter for words really, put us in season.

(10-29-2016, 12:59 AM)John1865 Wrote:  Perhaps the season has long since past for this poem to be relevant, but I think it shows a bit of promise. With a bit of revision and tinkering, it should turn out just fine. Also, I haven't been to the forum for a while, so I am a bit rusty.

How I love to hear the song
Of the passing ice-cream truck-
Vending all its frozen treats
In the sweltered summer muck.starting off like a nursery rhyme

It seems to echo languidly
Through our quiet little street.
The drowsiness would melt us all,these 3 lines make it a little more sophisticated echo languidly, but the last line is all cheese.
Before we had our treat!

But now some different songs begin
And our little street surround,
As the youth of our fair neighborhood,I had to reread this for youth to be the down beat, too many syllables for reading
Cry and shriek and sound.cries and shrieks are sounds?

O! How I love to hear the children,
with crumpled bills in hand,
Of this joyous vendor-
Their sweets they quick demand.quickly? Awkward stanza

And as they come about their prey,the vendor or the creamscent are the prey?
Their laughs- they fill the air!
And fill our quiet neighborhood
With a child’s thoughts and cares.

So every day of every June,
In the swelter of the afternoon,
We dance and sing the merry tune
Of the passing ice-cream truck.some Rhymes are perfect, some are odd, some it seems you just couldn't decide where to put them.  

As far as a nursery rhyme song goes this is pretty good, you can say just as much with less but I couldn't tell you where to make cuts.  Good luck!

(10-29-2016, 12:59 AM)John1865 Wrote:  Perhaps the season has long since past for this poem to be relevant, but I think it shows a bit of promise. With a bit of revision and tinkering, it should turn out just fine. Also, I haven't been to the forum for a while, so I am a bit rusty.

How I love to hear the song
Of the passing ice-cream truck-
Vending all its frozen treats
In the sweltered summer muck.

It seems to echo languidly
Through our quiet little street.
The drowsiness would melt us all,
Before we had our treat!

But now some different songs begin
And our little street surround,
As the youth of our fair neighborhood,
Cry and shriek and sound.

O! How I love to hear the children,
with crumpled bills in hand,
Of this joyous vendor-
Their sweets they quick demand.

And as they come about their prey,
Their laughs- they fill the air!
And fill our quiet neighborhood
With a child’s thoughts and cares.

So every day of every June,
In the swelter of the afternoon,
We dance and sing the merry tune
Of the passing ice-cream truck.

Hi, John. I live in a four season climate. Yesterday we hit high 60's and the music of the ice cream truck was still there. Appropriate any time, methinks, and fun knows no limitations.

The sing-song rhyme of the lines works up to a point. (truck/muck = trying too hard). Also, limiting this to June boxes in the scope of the entire summer.

I always point to one of my favorites "maggie and millie and molly and may" for an example of a child/adult poem that swings both ways, as a children's poem with an adult POV. If you are happy with limiting your audience, okay. You are on your way.

I would make the POV a bit more clear. Is it from a child or adult? Your poem seems to have a nostalgic feel in the beginning, but then gives off the essence that the narrator too still chases after the ice cream truck. I love that you chose to write about ice cream trucks, and even how you mentioned the season might be off now- maybe incorporate that into your poem? You could add in something about fall rolling around and the ice cream truck's visits parseling out until it doesn't come around anymore? Just a few ideas. I really enjoyed this

(10-29-2016, 12:59 AM)John5 Wrote:  Perhaps the season has long since past for this poem to be relevant, but I think it shows a bit of promise. With a bit of revision and tinkering, it should turn out just fine. Also, I haven't been to the forum for a while, so I am a bit rusty.

How I love to hear the song
Of the passing ice-cream truck-
Vending all its frozen treats
In the sweltered summer muck. Don't we all

It seems to echo languidly
Through our quiet little street.
The drowsiness would melt us all,
Before we had our treat!
No matter what you do, keep this stanza. It's whimsical and lighthearted.

But now some different songs begin
And our little street surround, 
As the youth of our fair neighborhood,
Cry and shriek and sound.

O! How I love to hear the children,
with crumpled bills in hand,
Of this joyous vendor-

Their sweets they quick demand. This isn't the best wording- maybe “To this joyous vendor- Impatient calls demand" or something of the like?

And as they come about their prey,
Their laughs- they fill the air!
And fill our quiet neighborhood Using “fill" twice here doesn't sound quite right.
With a child’s thoughts and cares.

So every day of every June,
In the swelter of the afternoon,
We dance and sing the merry tune
Of the passing ice-cream truck. Up until here, the rhyme scheme was ABCB DEFE (and so on). Diverting from that may not be the best option, unless you go for an AAAA stanza.

Overall, I like it. Lighthearted, whimsical, joyous. Makes me a bit nostalgic, thinking about when I was 7 or 8. Good times. But back to relevancy, I think only problems here are wording, and tbe rhyme scheme thing. 

Best, 
Alic