No One Thing Is Enough
 
 
No one thing is enough,
I said,
and left true love crying
in misunderstanding,
as if it was not made of many things;
 
and coming back, finding it
still there
but no longer warm,
 
I kept my shoes on for a night,
and later the next evening
went out on my own to try to find help.
 
Which only made it worse.
 


 

(10-06-2015, 04:15 AM)rowens Wrote:   
 
                   No One Thing Is Enough
 
 
No one thing is enough,
I said,
and left true love crying
in misunderstanding,
as if it was not made of many things;
 
and coming back, finding it
still there
but no longer warm,
 
I kept my shoes on for a night,
and later the next evening
went out on my own to try to find help.
 
Which only made it worse.
 


 

Hi Rowens
As always I find your poetry interesting because it makes me think of other things, tangents. This one comes across as those moments of madness after a break up, really like the shoes on line, its says a lot without being obvious....talking of obvious I am going to say the true love line takes away from rest, by just being bland. I would suggest that you find another way to say it, could I also suggest you chose another title, to avoid the repeated first line. I enjoyed this one and I think its worth the extra, just to tidy up. Best Keith

When I get done writing a poem I try not to read it anymore for awhile because it'll give me nightmares. I sometimes after a year or so look at things and change things here and there.

A person reading a poem these days is going to feel slightly embarrassed or even cringe when reading a line referring to true love as a generic pronoun. As if true love was a subject.

(10-09-2015, 12:53 AM)rowens Wrote:  When I get done writing a poem I try not to read it anymore for awhile because it'll give me nightmares. I sometimes after a year or so look at things and change things here and there.

A person reading a poem these days is going to feel slightly embarrassed or even cringe when reading a line referring to true love as a generic pronoun. As if true love was a subject.

Duly noted Rowens and in fairness you did post in Misc so......but I'm not really sure how to respond to your comment, would you prefer that I didn't comment on your poetry ?

I would say I personally didn't read true love as embarrassing or cringe worthy my comment would be the same "its bland" it gives the reader nothing to work with other than the obvious definition of what we perceive true love to mean.

I meant I believed people would find it generic and that some would find it lame. Because I didn't have in mind anything other than the obvious definition.

As for comments, I don't tell anyone what to think or say. They have opinions, beliefs and ideas. They're able to not like poems or parts of poems or to feel that poems are no good.

So there can be risks and failure. For me a poem isn't worth writing if it doesn't risk absolute failure.

(10-09-2015, 01:38 AM)rowens Wrote:  I meant I believed people would find it generic and that some would find it lame. Because I didn't have in mind anything other than the obvious definition.

As for comments, I don't tell anyone what to think or say. They have opinions, beliefs and ideas. They're able to not like poems or parts of poems or to feel that poems are no good.

So there can be risks and failure. For me a poem isn't worth writing if it doesn't risk absolute failure.

Rowens again I'm not quite sure what to say, I note that your feedback is always based on how a poem effects you, good and bad, and honest and I personally would always want that, after all I do post in an online forum so I care what readers think. You say sometimes after a year or so you come back and edit, what do you base the edit on?

However my main question is simple. Do you want to receive feedback (My opinion of your poems) or would you rather I didn't comment.
Best
Keith

I base the few changes I make on my own changing opinions. When I write something and finish it I don't give myself second chances. So I know that if people judge what I've written to not be good enough then I've failed. I like to have that tension. Otherwise I wouldn't write.

The feedback I give other people fits their desire to revise their poems. I revise my poems before I post them because when I do post them people can see what I wanted the poem to be. What I needed the poem to be. For good or ill.

What I get from your opinions is whether I've succeeded in anything or failed at anything. It's a win or lose situation. Your opinions are serious to me. I need to write exactly what I need to write. And if I'm the only person who thinks I've made a good poem then most likely I haven't. Good and bad are other people's judgments, I just have to write what I need to write.

(10-09-2015, 02:16 AM)rowens Wrote:  I base the few changes I make on my own changing opinions. When I write something and finish it I don't give myself second chances. So I know that if people judge what I've written to not be good enough then I've failed. I like to have that tension. Otherwise I wouldn't write.

The feedback I give other people fits their desire to revise their poems. I revise my poems before I post them because when I do post them people can see what I wanted the poem to be. What I needed the poem to be. For good or ill.

What I get from your opinions is whether I've succeeded in anything or failed at anything. It's a win or lose situation. Your opinions are serious to me. I need to write exactly what I need to write. And if I'm the only person who thinks I've made a good poem then most likely I haven't. Good and bad are other people's judgments, I just have to write what I need to write.

Thank you Rowens that's clear, you want to know what I thought about the poem not how I think you can change it. I will keep that in mind for future feedback on your work. Best Keith

Tell me what you would have done or what you would change, if that's the way you like to give feedback. But if you come back and find that I haven't made any changes, don't think it's because I simply didn't pay any mind to what you said. It's nothing like that. When one poem fails, I can use any feedback I got later when I start writing a new poem.