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There Is A Stranger In My Home

My family and I were disturbed,
We caught him eating our food
And drinking my tea.
I need my tea.
He sits at the table with us and
Nonchalantly chats about his day
In a downtrodden way,
Mother and Father were offended,
Witnessing a man with no respect.
Yet, I saw a man with nothing to protect
And nothing he could forget.
In those experienced eyes
I saw there was much on his mind.
Motives untold, on a distant island they lie
So he sits with us and pretends to dine.

The reason my parents never kicked him out
I insist: They hang on a bit of doubt
That this strange man may change.
To them, time doesn’t determine age.

He is the strangest man I have ever known.
I insist: He is the product of a boy who has grown.
What have I become?
A man-- A stranger in his own home

I can very much relate to this piece. I like your approach, although I think you're missing quite a bit of punctuation at the line breaks. I'm not sure if the hyphens work either. I could be wrong, but I used to write the same way in that I'd place a hyphen where a semicolon ought to go.

L5 and L6 don't sit right with me. It may be the lack of punctuation, but it seems it may be missing an 'and' or something to connect them if they're one sentence.

L12 also seems to be out of place. Its the only imagery surrounded by the abstractness of L11 and L13-14.

The last stanza also seems a little strange to me. Although the idea of referring to yourself in 3rd/1st in the same poem is already strange(unless you're describing a paranoid schizo) to do the switch so abruptly in the same stanza comes off as a bit forced. I might suggest rewriting the last stanza so it's entirely in first person, but that's completely up to you. I truly enjoy the twistedness of the switch in 3rd/1st though, it's like the narrators inner child battling with the fact he's now a man, and it's a very creative way to get the point across. Anyway,

Thanks for the poem!

I'll re-draft it soon. A side-note: I have been enjoying your poetry also. Thanks!

(10-05-2015, 02:15 PM)kefta4ever Wrote:  There Is A Stranger In My Home
 
My family and I were disturbed,
We caught him eating our food
And drinking my tea--
I need my tea…
He sits at the table with us
Nonchalantly chats about his day
In a downtrodden way,
My mom was offended
She saw a man with no respect
Yet, I saw a man with nothing to protect
And nothing he could forget,
Those experienced eyes…
There was much on his mind
Motives untold, on a distant island they lie,
So he sits with us and pretends to dine.
 
Why my parents never kicked him out
I insist-- they hang on a bit of doubt
That this strange man may change
To them, time doesn’t determine age.
 
He is the strangest man I have ever known
I insist-- he is the product of a boy who has grown,
What have I become?
A man-- a stranger in his own home.

So knowing fully well the emotions that come with growing pains and aging out of your parent's
household this definitely got me a little choked up. So you've definitely got the emotional aspect
working for you here.

But i have to say that at the beginning this was a little unclear, i thought you were addressing
a broken home, a distanced mother and father. I would attempt to solidify that you were speaking
of yourself maybe reference a father figure?

Overall an enjoyable write with an emotional impact.

An interesting examination of arrested development. The constant shifting of he/I in the narrative perspective referring to the same person- is this a device to communicate the uncertainty of new adulthood? The neurosis which causes a young man to view his adult self as "he" rather than embrace it as "me"

I really like the poem. Throughout the course, I was feeling some sort of conflict between the "I" and the "He." It especially become conspicuous with the "I need my tea" line.

The I seems to be an observer. Someone who conforms to the rules of his mother and father, someone with no identity.

The He seems to represent a growing individualism. Someone that lives according to the doctrines of his own self, and not the doctrines prescribed by the mother and father (thus why they got offended).

In a broader analysis, it could represent iconoclasm: the desire to not conform to all of society's principles and live by your own.

I relate. Really good job.