I authorize God to immediately
charge my credit card the total 
amount owed. I authorize God to 
charge my credit card an amount that 
reflects my average lifetime
usage. I understand and agree 
that such charges will continue
until my account is 
terminated or I revoke this 
authorization in blood. 
Should I fail to return my life 
or require a replacement,
I authorize God to charge my
credit card the appropriate amount incurred 
under the terms of my agreement.

(09-08-2015, 11:46 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  I authorize God to immediately
charge my credit card the total 
amount owed. I authorize God to 
charge my credit card an amount that 
reflects my average lifetime
usage. I understand and agree 
that such charges will continue
until my account is 
terminated or I revoke this 
authorization in blood. 
Should I fail to return my life 
or require a replacement,
I authorize God to charge my
credit card the appropriate amount incurred 
under the terms of my agreement.

Despite the rise of atheism, God is starting to generate a lot of interest...

(09-08-2015, 11:46 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  I authorize God to immediately
charge my credit card the total
amount owed. I authorize God to
charge my credit card an amount that
reflects my average lifetime
usage. I understand and agree
that such charges will continue
until my account is
terminated or I revoke this
authorization in blood.
Should I fail to return my life
or require a replacement,
I authorize God to charge my
credit card the appropriate amount incurred
under the terms of my agreement.

Where's the fine print that stipulates the interest
charged and the fee for late payments?

Read carefully, God's in the details.

(09-09-2015, 09:00 AM)Wjames Wrote:  Despite the rise of atheism, God is starting to generate a lot of interest...

Atheists seem to be more interested in God than most believers.
In my humble opinion, atheists and believers are pretty much
the same: They both pretend to know something they don't.
I believe in ice cream and kittens.

God wouldn't collect interest, would he? I thought that was Satan's department.

(09-09-2015, 11:58 AM)rayheinrich Wrote:  I believe in ice cream and kittens.

on the same plate.

(09-08-2015, 11:46 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  I authorize God to immediately
charge my credit card the total 
amount owed. I authorize God to 
charge my credit card an amount that  
reflects my average lifetime
usage. I understand and agree
that such charges will continue
until my account is 
terminated or I revoke this 
authorization in blood. 
Should I fail to return my life 
or require a replacement,
I authorize God to charge my
credit card the appropriate amount incurred 
under the terms of my agreement. These endings sound passive to me; sorta bothers me, this. Then again, this does make everything seem more humble, or more empty, which I guess is appropriate; only, authorizing God isn't really in the hands of the humble, or the despairing, or at least, I wouldn't imagine it to be so. Hum...

"I authorize God
to immediately charge
my credit card the total
amount owed. I authorize God
to charge it the amount
that reflects my average
lifetime usage.
I understand and agree
that such charges will continue
until my account is
terminated, or
I revoke this power
in blood. Should I fail
to return my life
or require a replacement,
I authorize God
to charge my credit card
the appropriate amount incurred,
under the terms of the agreement."

But I'm not really sure (especially in the sentence "Should I fail..." and so on). It all sounds pretty good to me, too, and I guess the ambiguity in tone fits the speaker's rather wonky theology. Now what I'd really want to see as a response to this is a User Agreement thing (or whatever it's called) from the heavens.

(09-09-2015, 09:00 AM)Wjames Wrote:  Despite the rise of atheism, God is starting to generate a lot of interest...

Atheism ain't rising; glue's just running out. People seem to be realizing that their mouths are shut with only water-soluble solvents.

Hello news-

I need more of a "turn" in this one for it to really grab me.

Seems like the perfect piece for Lucifer to make an appearance.

If ya make it into heaven, please try to save place. Take along my picture so the lord'll know my face... Also let me know how much was charged to your karmic kard (or did Luther really take care of that one?)

... Mark

(09-08-2015, 11:46 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  I authorize God to immediately
charge my credit card the total 
amount owed. I authorize God to 
charge my credit card an amount that 
reflects my average lifetime
usage. I understand and agree 
that such charges will continue
until my account is 
terminated or I revoke this 
authorization in blood. 
Should I fail to return my life 
or require a replacement,
I authorize God to charge my
credit card the appropriate amount incurred 
under the terms of my agreement.

(09-09-2015, 05:03 PM)billy Wrote:  

(09-09-2015, 11:58 AM)rayheinrich Wrote:  I believe in ice cream and kittens.

on the same plate.

If you don't watch your plate, they'll be on top of the ice cream in a second.

Kittens were made by God, Cats by Satan.

---

(09-10-2015, 05:22 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  ...
Seems like the perfect piece for Lucifer to make an appearance.
...
... Mark

When I read these lines:

I understand and agree
that such charges will continue
until my account is
terminated or I revoke this
authorization in blood.

I thought we were heading into Satan territory.
newsclippings: give a thought to working the dark force into it.
Credit cards and Satan are a natural match-up.

Thank you all for the comments and suggestions folks.

Also I'm pretty sure church is where the money goes here in America.

news- for you,
sometimes "Church" and "Satan" are the same thing, I'm afraid...

(09-10-2015, 11:50 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  Thank you all for the comments and suggestions folks.

Also I'm pretty sure church is where the money goes here in America.

America F*** Yeah! I see what you did there..

(09-09-2015, 11:58 AM)rayheinrich Wrote:  

(09-08-2015, 11:46 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  I authorize God to immediately
charge my credit card the total
amount owed. I authorize God to
charge my credit card an amount that
reflects my average lifetime
usage. I understand and agree
that such charges will continue
until my account is
terminated or I revoke this
authorization in blood.
Should I fail to return my life
or require a replacement,
I authorize God to charge my
credit card the appropriate amount incurred
under the terms of my agreement.

Where's the fine print that stipulates the interest
charged and the fee for late payments?

Read carefully, God's in the details.

(09-09-2015, 09:00 AM)Wjames Wrote:  Despite the rise of atheism, God is starting to generate a lot of interest...

Atheists seem to be more interested in God than most believers.
In my humble opinion, atheists and believers are pretty much
the same: They both pretend to know something they don't.
I believe in ice cream and kittens.

God wouldn't collect interest, would he?  I thought that was Satan's department.

That's awesome