for milo
il miglior fabbro

I will confess and tell my friend
but I will give to him in song
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Frogs sing bass, and crickets blend
their melodies - I’ll hum along,
then I’ll confess and tell my friend.

I've missed my turn, my aimless wend
has led me where I don’t belong
as frogs sing night unto its end.

I’ll meet him just around this bend,
on nights like this no turn is wrong,
I will confess and tell my friend.

But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long
as frogs sing night unto its end.

If he’s not in this marsh, well then
I’ll search beyond the wood and on.
I will confess and tell my friend
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Hi, true, I've been enjoying this. So melancholy in it's simplicity. The only crit I can come up with is the poem gives a lot of weight to a confession that is only mildly confessed. The only one I can find is L7, unless the confession is just not previously expressing the obvious love. That may just be a nit, the poem as a whole is full and haunting. Thanks for posting it.

(08-11-2014, 02:22 AM)trueenigma Wrote:  for milo

I will confess and tell my friend
but I will give to him in song
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Frogs sing bass, and crickets blend
their melodies - I’ll hum along,
then I’ll confess and tell my friend.

I've missed my turn, my aimless wend
has led me where I don’t belong
as frogs sing night unto its end.

I’ll meet him just around this bend,
on nights like this no turn is wrong, Love this line.
I will confess and tell my friend.

But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long
as frogs sing night unto its end.

If he’s not in this marsh, well then
I’ll search beyond the wood and on.
I will confess and tell my friend
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Oh dear god....I should know what form this is, and I just can't figure it out. Is it a villanelle? It's a villanelle isn't it?

At any rate, I love it...there's joy in repetition. I'm sure milo will love it too. <--oh ffs I just *got* it....milo's poem had the allusion to Dylan Thomas' Do not go gentle into that good night.

I'm so thick. I get it now.

Nevermind. that wasn't milo that was chris...so...bleh. Still thick.

(08-11-2014, 02:22 AM)trueenigma Wrote:  for milo

I will confess and tell my friend
but I will give to him in song
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Frogs sing bass, and crickets blend
their melodies - I’ll hum along, - I love the complexity of this stanza. Nicely done.
then I’ll confess and tell my friend.

I've missed my turn, my aimless wend
has led me where I don’t belong here you say you've made a wrong turn, but then in the next stanza, you say you can't make wrong turns. Is it supposed to be a "oh, wait, I can't make a wrong turn" sort of moment?
as frogs sing night unto its end.

I’ll meet him just around this bend,
on nights like this no turn is wrong,
I will confess and tell my friend.

But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long
as frogs sing night unto its end.

If he’s not in this marsh, well then
I’ll search beyond the wood and on.
I will confess and tell my friend
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Really nice poem. Nice rhythm and movement through the stanzas and I love the alternating repetitive line. If I understand the poem right, you have something good to tell your friend, but you're not in a huge hurry because you are living completely in the moment. So, the future is there in your mind, but is not pressing. I love it. I'm sorry about all the red. I couldn't seem to fix that. Mine is bold

fixed/mod

(08-11-2014, 10:07 PM)ellajam Wrote:  Hi, true, I've been enjoying this. So melancholy in it's simplicity. The only crit I can come up with is the poem gives a lot of weight to a confession that is only mildly confessed. The only one I can find is L7, unless the confession is just not previously expressing the obvious love. That may just be a nit, the poem as a whole is full and haunting. Thanks for posting it.

(08-11-2014, 02:22 AM)trueenigma Wrote:  for milo

I will confess and tell my friend
but I will give to him in song
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Frogs sing bass, and crickets blend
their melodies - I’ll hum along,
then I’ll confess and tell my friend.

I've missed my turn, my aimless wend
has led me where I don’t belong
as frogs sing night unto its end.

I’ll meet him just around this bend,
on nights like this no turn is wrong, Love this line.
I will confess and tell my friend.

But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long
as frogs sing night unto its end.

If he’s not in this marsh, well then
I’ll search beyond the wood and on.
I will confess and tell my friend
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Thank you very much ella. There is no confession. It may poke a bit of fun at confessionals, but that's not important, or the idea here. What's important is that part of the poem belongs to the reader, and it allows them to bring their own confession along for the walk. Duplicity. There is a space for the reader in the poem. Is the love that obvious?

---

(08-11-2014, 10:36 PM)bena Wrote:  Oh dear god....I should know what form this is, and I just can't figure it out. Is it a villanelle? It's a villanelle isn't it?

At any rate, I love it...there's joy in repetition. I'm sure milo will love it too. <--oh ffs I just *got* it....milo's poem had the allusion to Dylan Thomas' Do not go gentle into that good night.

I'm so thick. I get it now.

Nevermind. that wasn't milo that was chris...so...bleh. Still thick.

Don't fret. The meditative walk is a classical form. Milo enjoys classical figures. If there is an allusion it is probably virgil and dante and frost and thousands of other great poets and poems, but it's not a footnote poem, the problems are interpretive problems involving classical symbols more than allusion. The expression is outside the body of the poem and doesn't effect meaning or the text itself. You're not out of the loop.

Thank you for the comments. xo

---

(08-12-2014, 04:48 AM)aerickson Wrote:  

(08-11-2014, 02:22 AM)trueenigma Wrote:  for milo

I will confess and tell my friend
but I will give to him in song
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Frogs sing bass, and crickets blend
their melodies - I’ll hum along, - I love the complexity of this stanza. Nicely done.
then I’ll confess and tell my friend.

I've missed my turn, my aimless wend
has led me where I don’t belong here you say you've made a wrong turn, but then in the next stanza, you say you can't make wrong turns. Is it supposed to be a "oh, wait, I can't make a wrong turn" sort of moment?
as frogs sing night unto its end.

I’ll meet him just around this bend,
on nights like this no turn is wrong,
I will confess and tell my friend.

But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long
as frogs sing night unto its end.

If he’s not in this marsh, well then
I’ll search beyond the wood and on.
I will confess and tell my friend
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Really nice poem. Nice rhythm and movement through the stanzas and I love the alternating repetitive line. If I understand the poem right, you have something good to tell your friend, but you're not in a huge hurry because you are living completely in the moment. So, the future is there in your mind, but is not pressing. I love it. I'm sorry about all the red. I couldn't seem to fix that. Mine is bold

fixed/mod

Thank you very much for the comments. I'm glad you enjoy the poem.

(08-12-2014, 07:22 AM)trueenigma Wrote:  Is the love that obvious?

Poetry is in the mind of the reader.

Quote:But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long
as frogs sing night unto its end.

If he’s not in this marsh, well then
I’ll search beyond the wood and on.
I will confess and tell my friend
as frogs sing night unto its end.

This made me miss people no longer by my side, and I only miss the ones I love.

(08-12-2014, 08:44 AM)ellajam Wrote:  

(08-12-2014, 07:22 AM)trueenigma Wrote:  Is the love that obvious?

Poetry is in the mind of the reader.

Quote:But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long
as frogs sing night unto its end.

If he’s not in this marsh, well then
I’ll search beyond the wood and on.
I will confess and tell my friend
as frogs sing night unto its end.

This made me miss people no longer by my side, and I only miss the ones I love.

Thank you for coming back ella! It's very nice to hear that you connected with the poem.

(08-11-2014, 02:22 AM)trueenigma Wrote:  for milo
il miglior fabbro

I will confess and tell my friend
but I will give to him in song
as frogs sing night unto its end.

Frogs sing bass, and crickets blend
their melodies - I’ll hum along,
then I’ll confess and tell my friend.

I've missed my turn, my aimless wend
has led me where I don’t belong
as frogs sing night unto its end.

I’ll meet him just around this bend,
on nights like this no turn is wrong,
I will confess and tell my friend.

But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long
as frogs sing night unto its end.

If he’s not in this marsh, well then
I’ll search beyond the wood and on.
I will confess and tell my friend
as frogs sing night unto its end.

I thought that the contemplative walk worked on several levels. i saw later that you mentioned the walks of dante/virgil etc. It actually brought to mind (for me anyways), the friendship walks of:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frog_and_Toad

and not just because of the frogs but because of the easy manner of the poem. The words are simple but musical. The specific wordings on 1 or two of the lines threw me but not overly so.

As a dedication I think it's excellent and it us much appreciated.

Thank you milo. Of couse you would think of frog and toad! thank you very much for mentioning that, it is a fine thought.

It didn't mean so much of virgil or dante specifically so much as how many other poems remind me of them, like frost's woods on a snowy evening or woodpile etc.

I've read this a dozen times. I'm almost certain this isn't the case but it every time I read it I come to conclusion the speaker has a homosexual affection for his friend, but is unsure if his friend has the same feelings so he is putting off telling him.


The poem sounds very romantic to me.

These lines stand out to me especially..

"I've missed my turn, my aimless wend
has led me where I don’t belong"


"I’ll meet him just around this bend,
on nights like this no turn is wrong," << thats almost a romance/date/one night stand cliche


"But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long"

also, the

I will confess and tell my freind

Sorry, but I just couldn't keep coming into this thread with that thought in my mind and not posting it...

(08-20-2014, 10:30 AM)Qdeathstar Wrote:  I've read this a dozen times. I'm almost certain this isn't the case but it every time I read it I come to conclusion the speaker has a homosexual affection for his friend, but is unsure if his friend has the same feelings so he is putting off telling him.


The poem sounds very romantic to me.

These lines stand out to me especially..

"I've missed my turn, my aimless wend
has led me where I don’t belong"


"I’ll meet him just around this bend,
on nights like this no turn is wrong," << thats almost a romance/date/one night stand cliche


"But for right now I’ll just pretend
he’s walking by my side so long"

also, the

I will confess and tell my freind

Sorry, but I just couldn't keep coming into this thread with that thought in my mind and not posting it...

No need to apologize. Why does confess mean homosexual? It's legal now in most states.

No, its not that confess means homosexual, it's the poem as a whole. You can confess your feelings... confess your sins, confess your love. Why confess?

its more the other lines in the poem which i outlined in my OP.

The poem is very romantic.


I only said sorry, because i didn't want you to think I was just being silly.

---

confess - admit or acknowledge something reluctantly, typically because one feels slightly ashamed or embarrassed.

(08-20-2014, 11:17 AM)Qdeathstar Wrote:  No, its not that confess means homosexual, it's the poem as a whole. You can confess your feelings... confess your sins, confess your love. Why confess?

its more the other lines in the poem which i outlined in my OP.

The poem is very romantic.


I only said sorry, because i didn't want you to think I was just being silly.

---

confess - admit or acknowledge something reluctantly, typically because one feels slightly ashamed or embarrassed.

Oh it's ok. I didn't mean to laugh. You just reminded me how meaningless meaning can be since the consumption of poetry tends to be pretty subjective. Was that experience well crafted for you, and did you like it?

I rather like your version as it's quite pleasant, though apparently there is some tension, and there is the magical and wonderful romantic possibility that everyone will be ok.

p.s. the poem "as a whole" says nothing about the sex of the N for one. But the two reasons I laughed I guess are I don't know any gay men who are ashamed of it, and the apology that came after "i'm almost certain this isn't the case but I but I keep coming to this conclusion ... sorry ..." as if you thought I might think you were somehow doing my poem an injustice.

How would I know what the confession is? I just found the nature of the idea of a confession compelling for this walk. I hadn't considered your reading when I wrote it, simply for the fact that the sex or sexuality of the speaker and or friend has no bearing on what I intended for the poem (nor does the specific confession), and I hope it could workin all of its dimensions either way, though that being the confession seems unlikely(to me). It may fit into the "love" poem genre, but it's hardly amorous. It seems more likely that it could be viewed as a children's poem.

So while it is a possibility, I don't think it makes any difference one way or another.

Thank you for the comments.

Ok...


I think you are defending this a bit too much. I only had a thot. But lines like "but I will give to him in song " and "nights like this no turn is wrong" and "ill pretend he's walking by my side" are used in a lot of love songs/poems.


The confession isn't that he is gay, but that he has attraction for another person who might not share the same feelings for him.


But, it's your poem.

(08-21-2014, 04:07 AM)Qdeathstar Wrote:  Ok...


I think you are defending this a bit too much. I only had a thot. But lines like "but I will give to him in song " and "nights like this no turn is wrong" and "ill pretend he's walking by my side" are used in a lot of love songs/poems.


The confession isn't that he is gay, but that he has attraction for another person who might not share the same feelings for him.


But, it's your poem.

meh. that's just it. I'm not sure what you think I might be defending. If you think the poem can speak to people dealing with the difficulties of a possibly unrequited love, sounds good to me.

I don't understand what you're confessing (or particularly care but that's a different problem) in this poem and as a result I don't know why I'm reading this poem.

I also don't like the use of the word "wend".

(08-21-2014, 08:14 AM)bwasroy Wrote:  I don't understand what you're confessing (or particularly care but that's a different problem) in this poem and as a result I don't know why I'm reading this poem.

I also don't like the use of the word "wend".

hmm. I don't care either. but if you don't care, and I don't care, then it seems like it would be a waste to include a confession, right?

I'm not sure how to go about editing the poem so that you will know why you are reading it. why do you read any poem? Maybe I can cram that in there.

Thanks for the comments.

You use the word "confess" four times in this poem. It's not just that the reference of confession would be a waste, the poem's "confession" is the central part of the poem and you appear to have absolutely no reason why you mentioned it. So, you appear to have written a poem about a confession, which you aren't sure why you're making.

Editing right now would be cart before the horse. As the creator of these lines, why don't you try to actually figure out what you're even talking or why you're talking about it before taking things to an editing level?

I love the sing song rhythm and sensibility. The love is, yes burgeoningly apparent. When is love bad? But thats irrelevant. Like the word "wend". I've employed it meself with impunity. I find the piece wholly if not in part, accomplished. By the way, the ubiquitous sound of frogs croaking, and crickets cricking on a summer's night is very effective, quite loverly as it patterns the sing-song nature of the poem.

(08-21-2014, 08:38 AM)bwasroy Wrote:  You use the word "confess" four times in this poem. It's not just that the reference of confession would be a waste, the poem's "confession" is the central part of the poem and you appear to have absolutely no reason why you mentioned it. So, you appear to have written a poem about a confession, which you aren't sure why you're making.

Editing right now would be cart before the horse. As the creator of these lines, why don't you try to actually figure out what you're even talking or why you're talking about it before taking things to an editing level?

Actually the poem isn't about a confession. It's about a human condition and experience, one which I think applies to all of us, even yourself, unless you and everyone you know are immortal. It isn't the word confess that's irrelevant, it's the specific confession itself.