Flash your teeth and force a pose,
pretend you fit their upscale clothes;
this cost a lot of money, don’t complain.

Remember pictures not events,
so frame the thoughts that cast dissent
and eat the cheese they feed you off the floor.

i get that we often act for the camera, the dissent and cheese part though, seemed to come out of left field and for me needs a better transition, the title worked at first but by the end not so much. sorry i could help more.
oh...try and use a constant meter at present it reads a bit disjointedly.

(08-07-2014, 12:11 PM)Wjames Wrote:  Flash your teeth and force a pose, the opening line works well with the title
pretend you fit their upscale clothes;
this cost a lot of money, don’t complain.

Remember pictures not events,
so frame the thoughts that cast dissent
and eat the cheese they feed you off the floor. not sure where the last two lines connect to the theme of the poem.

Either this is a social commentary about pretending to be what you are not (happy, wealthy, etc.) or a lab rat. Works as both to me, but I can't Mr. Mouse in expensive clothes. Thinking it is the former----but still, might could use some fleshing out about the rat race to clue in the reader. I wish the star in "Of mice and men" had a name.

At any rate, I think if you add a stanza (and I RARELY suggest adding) it might help to convey your message.

Cheers and love

mel.

Thanks for the response guys, I think I was trying too hard to be clever, and it hurt the cohesion of the poem. Sort of like a guitar player going wild with solos and neglecting the melody of a song.