I play a game with my friend where we randomly pick words and or phrases then each write a poem with them.

This is mine for 'case' and 'buzz'


A rattling carriage bumps through town
With dusty blue and horses brown
And tucked inside, all knees and shins
A handsome moustached gentleman

His bowler bent towards his eyes
He smells of maple sugar pies
And something else, a curious nose
Of jimson weed and rubber hose

Between his feet, a case of hide
With trefoil stitch and buckles wide
And from a tag that hangs, a brand
An artful mystery monogram

He hangs a pipe down from his lip
And taps his teeth upon the tip
A lurch and lean, the coach winds down
The buzz, the bark, the flies, the hound

A raucous welcome, snaps a grin
Around his eyes, above his chin
He steps outside, with creaking bone
A ghost returned to hearth and home

Hi, swoon, this is a fun read.

I think you got off to a bad start with "horses brown", the rest of the poem shows that you can do better, and the meter seemed off to me in L5, I wanted to say "His bowler bent down towards his eyes", but that may just be me.

I don't know what you gain by letting me in on the case/buzz thing.

Great images, you addressed all my senses, all in all an enjoyable read.

(02-01-2014, 04:06 PM)Swoonjet Wrote:  I play a game with my friend where we randomly pick words and or phrases then each write a poem with them.

This is mine for 'case' and 'buzz'


A rattling carriage bumps through town
With dusty blue and horses brown
And tucked inside, all knees and shins
A handsome moustached gentleman

His bowler bent towards his eyes
He smells of maple sugar pies
And something else, a curious nose
Of jimson weed and rubber hose

Between his feet, a case of hide
With trefoil stitch and buckles wide
And from a tag that hangs, a brand
An artful mystery monogram

He hangs a pipe down from his lip
And taps his teeth upon the tip
A lurch and lean, the coach winds down
The buzz, the bark, the flies, the hound

A raucous welcome, snaps a grin
Around his eyes, above his chin
He steps outside, with creaking bone
A ghost returned to hearth and home

(02-01-2014, 10:44 PM)ellajam Wrote:  Hi, swoon, this is a fun read.

I think you got off to a bad start with "horses brown", the rest of the poem shows that you can do better, and the meter seemed off to me in L5, I wanted to say "His bowler bent down towards his eyes", but that may just be me.

I don't know what you gain by letting me in on the case/buzz thing.

Great images, you addressed all my senses, all in all an enjoyable read.

Cool. Thanks for reading.

I guess the L5 thing depends how you pronounce or stress the word "toward".

The case buzz thing was just context. Not that it matters. Wasn't trying to gain anything. All in all, glad you found it enjoyable.

Bravo