Solitude in Night

The streetlight caught the falling snow
giving the dark a dream-like ambiance
the flakes kissed the ground and were consumed
though fatigued, they cast a shy glow

on such a crisp perfect night
my companion chafed
their footsteps abused the soft white ground
their presence was a ghastly sight

I wanted to ponder the universe
an activity best done alone
but alone is something we never are
and with time it will only get worse

so we contemplated nothing
passing the same house again and again
“colony of parasites” I thought
that is the cynicism nighttime can bring

I am up, and everyone else is down
that is what conjures my superiority
I alone walk the streets at night
watching the snow cover the town

You really capture the setting very well. My only advice would be to add punctuation, depending on how your internal voice "reads" the poem....add commas, ellipses, periods depending on where your voice pauses. I don't want to tell you where, because that's entirely up to how you want others to read the poem. But strictly based on the writing, it's a beautiful piece. Well done

Hi,
It might just be me, but the word "dream-like" felt weak in the second line, followed by ambiance. Although, I can't currently come up with something better.
Thanks for the read.

I really like it! The rhyming scheme is nice and unobtrusive. My only nitpick is the second line; I think that "giving" in this context is a pretty weak verb. Can't really think of an alternative right now, but you should look into it.

Absolutely beautiful imagery. I am, however, I tiny bit confused about what the message of the poem is. I totally get where you're coming from with the feeling of coming alive in the night when no one is around. The personification of the snow was strong, too.

this poem need a dr grand. sadly. i am not that at all. i think the use of full stops would help me read this out loud. loved all the figurative imagery and metaphors dropped about this poem everywhere like a child throwing pedals of dandy lions. S4 is my favorite. "colony of parasites" i hope refers to humans at large. i once read a philosopher who said be the change. i anit no sage but im still talking
awesome poem

(06-07-2013, 07:09 AM)shekutarna Wrote:  Solitude in Night

The streetlight caught the falling snow
giving the dark a dream-like ambiance
the flakes kissed the ground and were consumed
though fatigued, they cast a shy glow
I dont know but without "the" it seems to read better.
on such a crisp perfect night
my companion chafed
their footsteps abused the soft white ground
their presence was a ghastly sight

I wanted to ponder the universe
an activity best done alone
but alone is something we never are
and with time it will only get worse

so we contemplated nothing
passing the same house again and againI would see how it reads without "and again"
“colony of parasites” I thought
that is the cynicism nighttime can bringI like this

I am up, and everyone else is down
that is what conjures my superiority
I alone walk the streets at night
watching the snow cover the town

I like the imagery it was a nice poem.

Hi, I'm new to this site, I'm not used to sharing critiques because I haven't been involved in any groups of like-minded people but ill do my best.
In the first stanza, I think it reading "dream-like quality" is a bit redundant after the next two lines, because those words alone create the dream like atmosphere you've described above. It needs no introduction.
I really like the realization of the grandeur you feel when no one else is there to compare yourself to.
Overall I think you did a wonderful job conveying the atmosphere one feels in this setting.

I really dig the personification you use. It kind of suggests the ambiance, or the night, a sense of influence/involvement. The whole thing has a really dark feel to it, which is cool because it's symbolic to nighttime. I can totally relate to the feelings the person expresses. I get a pretty vivid mental image of the snow, the ground, etc. Takes me straight there.

Also, this part is sweet:
" “colony of parasites” I thought
that is the cynicism nighttime can bring"

I can dig it, my friend. Very well done!

thanks a lot for all of the advice guys!