Senryu of a narcissistic male

You are beneath me
I eat coal, shit out diamonds
I am immortal

(05-24-2013, 02:57 AM)Ryan_w_r Wrote:  Haiku of a narcissistic male

You are beneath me
I eat coal, shit out dimonds
I am immortal

---

Hahaha is that even a true haiku ?

All haiku are true, so don't worry about that.
I like it for that fact that it packs a punch and says a lot in only 17 syllables. And for me that's one of the attraction to haiku, to say a lot with hardly any words, it is a lot more difficult than it sounds, and it sounds difficult.
Cheers for the read, it is good to see some more people writing in this forum.

(05-25-2013, 11:34 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:  

(05-24-2013, 02:57 AM)Ryan_w_r Wrote:  Haiku of a narcissistic male

You are beneath me
I eat coal, shit out dimonds
I am immortal

---

Hahaha is that even a true haiku ?

All haiku are true, so don't worry about that.
I like it for that fact that it packs a punch and says a lot in only 17 syllables. And for me that's one of the attraction to haiku, to say a lot with hardly any words, it is a lot more difficult than it sounds, and it sounds difficult.
Cheers for the read, it is good to see some more people writing in this forum.

Hey, thanks a bunch.. I didn't understand the point of a haiku until you just mentioned you have a very limited number of syllables. I hadn't thought of it that way.... I have a new respect for haiku's now. Thank you

(05-25-2013, 11:49 AM)Ryan_w_r Wrote:  

(05-25-2013, 11:34 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote:  

(05-24-2013, 02:57 AM)Ryan_w_r Wrote:  Haiku of a narcissistic male

You are beneath me
I eat coal, shit out dimonds
I am immortal

---

Hahaha is that even a true haiku ?

All haiku are true, so don't worry about that.
I like it for that fact that it packs a punch and says a lot in only 17 syllables. And for me that's one of the attraction to haiku, to say a lot with hardly any words, it is a lot more difficult than it sounds, and it sounds difficult.
Cheers for the read, it is good to see some more people writing in this forum.

Hey, thanks a bunch.. I didn't understand the point of a haiku until you just mentioned you have a very limited number of syllables. I hadn't thought of it that way.... I have a new respect for haiku's now. Thank you

Just realised what I wrote looked ambiguous, when I said "I liked it" I was referring to your haiku, but now I've just read it back it looks like I'm referring to haiku in general and that I just ignored your haiku altogether - so I'll try again

All haiku are true, so don't worry about that.
I like your haiku for that fact that it packs a punch and says a lot in only 17 syllables. And for me that's one of the attraction to haiku, to say a lot with hardly any words, it is a lot more difficult than it sounds, and it sounds difficult.
Cheers for the read, it is good to see some more people writing in this forum.

That makes more sense.

little typo in "diamonds".
I like it, but it is a senryuu. (same number of syllables, traditionally, but
"Senryū tend to be about human foibles while haiku tend to be about nature, and senryū are often cynical or darkly humorous while haiku are more serious." (quoted from wikiedia)

(05-24-2013, 02:57 AM)Ryan_w_r Wrote:  Haiku of a narcissistic male

You are beneath me
I eat coal, shit out dimonds diamonds
I am immortal

---

Hahaha is that even a true haiku ?

i'll second serge's two comments as to it being more senryu than haiku. a haiku would use a seasonal word besides the points mentioned.
good effort

(05-25-2013, 05:41 PM)serge gurkski Wrote:  little typo in "diamonds".
I like it, but it is a senryuu. (same number of syllables, traditionally, but
"Senryū tend to be about human foibles while haiku tend to be about nature, and senryū are often cynical or darkly humorous while haiku are more serious." (quoted from wikiedia)

Thank you for pointing out the typo, and educating me on the poem not being a haiku. I wasn't sure if it was... I read online that historically haiku's are usually about nature but as long as it was 17 syllables it was technically a haiku...But ya learn something new everyday! Thanks for the help.

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(05-25-2013, 06:30 PM)billy Wrote:  

(05-24-2013, 02:57 AM)Ryan_w_r Wrote:  Haiku of a narcissistic male

You are beneath me
I eat coal, shit out dimonds diamonds
I am immortal

---

Hahaha is that even a true haiku ?

i'll second serge's two comments as to it being more senryu than haiku. a haiku would use a seasonal word besides the points mentioned.
good effort

Thanks for reading billy! I'll give it another shot and come through with a real haiku