Whippoorwills
#1
Grandpa lumbers in his smoker's chair
and wonders at the telly, shifts and
scowls and grumbles at the telly.

It's spring soon and I find the
quiet comfort in my Lego blocks,
each piece connects so cleverly;
plastic molded playschool colors.

Is that the whippoorwills that
whispers drapes aside? To let
inside the jingle of a thousand metal
bootstraps as they chant along
the streetsides "on to war! On
To War!" as their chanted mantra
cadence breaks the curtains
of our household "on to war!
On To War!"

Gramps is struggling in a panic
with the lever of his chair as he
sees little Leidra gaping
at the curbside, gasping in surprise
at all the pounding soldiers
and the flags that they carry
and the hats that they wear
and the rifles that they carry
and the gripless consternation
at the faces that they wear
and hypnotic pounding
of the boots against the pavement
and the faces that they wear
that look a lot like Jimmy's
and the flags that they carry.

But Gramps has stumbled
to the window and he's forced
the outside out. He scowls
away the visage of his temporary
panic, mutters half-thought
stories of another zealot crazy
who is brought away to safety,
taken into custody to assure our
safety, not absconded in the night
like our sense of solitude.

The phone will ring soon,
Gramps will hush to answer
and he'll scowl away the panic.
The ring will sound like
whippoorwills that whisper
drapes aside.
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#2
You have solid poem here that could use a tidy and would stand up in one of the workshops forums. not sure why its in fun ?

The harbinger of death is very symbolic given the arrival of boots outside gramps window and the poem is atmospheric enough for the reader to sense the tension. Thanks S

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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#3
(05-11-2013, 06:29 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote:  You have solid poem here that could use a tidy and would stand up in one of the workshops forums. not sure why its in fun ?

The harbinger of death is very symbolic given the arrival of boots outside gramps window and the poem is atmospheric enough for the reader to sense the tension. Thanks S

The truth is, I just thought it was a fun poem. I am fine with the way it is (not that it is perfect by any means) but it is quirky and I wasn't really interested in work shopping it.

Thanks for the comments.

milo
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#4
(05-11-2013, 07:51 AM)milo Wrote:  
(05-11-2013, 06:29 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote:  You have solid poem here that could use a tidy and would stand up in one of the workshops forums. not sure why its in fun ?

The harbinger of death is very symbolic given the arrival of boots outside gramps window and the poem is atmospheric enough for the reader to sense the tension. Thanks S

The truth is, I just thought it was a fun poem. I am fine with the way it is (not that it is perfect by any means) but it is quirky and I wasn't really interested in work shopping it.

Thanks for the comments.

milo

Fairy Nuff agrees

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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