I hate my cat, my cat hates me.
He purrs at me sarcastically.
He lies in wait behind shut doors
and ambushes with sharpened claws.
He sniffs and sneers at food from tins
then rakes in neighbours' rubbish bins
(he relishes banana skins).

Fish-breath cat, I cannot see
why doting pharaohs worshipped thee.

I can relate to this, and it instantly put pictures in my head of my own cats. I think this poem is hilarious I would keep it just as it is

The best bit is the title.

My cat (a doggerel) - oh my.

I really enjoyed it, to start with. I don't have much critique for it because I find it to be a sound poem. I'm not sure however about '(he relishes banana skins)'. I think it interrupts the flow too much for it to be worth the content.

Although the first line is strong I don't know if the whole 'I hate you, you hate me' is a bit overdone. Perhaps 'It's evident my cat hates me.' or something similar?

(04-13-2013, 07:35 AM)UnicornRainbowCake Wrote:  The best bit is the title.

My cat (a doggerel) - oh my.

I really enjoyed it, to start with. I don't have much critique for it because I find it to be a sound poem. I'm not sure however about '(he relishes banana skins)'. I think it interrupts the flow too much for it to be worth the content.

Although the first line is strong I don't know if the whole 'I hate you, you hate me' is a bit overdone. Perhaps 'It's evident my cat hates me.' or something similar?

I don't really hate him.

they are bastards! ;-) they simply need sparring.
From a formal perspective I find no nits.
I only stumbled over "pharaohs" in the last line (is the second syllable pronounced as a diphthong carrying one accent on the first vowel in English, because in German it is: phAr-a-Oh-nen "pharaohs").
Is pharaohs pronounced like farrows*?
cheers
serge

----

* farrows: these little suckers you find in pig pens often, sucking on the teats of sows. German "Ferkel", dunno the Middle Egyptian word right now)

(04-13-2013, 07:43 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  they are bastards! ;-) they simply need sparring.
From a formal perspective I find no nits.
I only stumbled over "pharaohs" in the last line (is the second syllable pronounced as a diphthong carrying one accent on the first vowel in English, because in German it is: phAr-a-Oh-nen "pharaohs").
Is pharaohs pronounced like farrows?
cheers
serge

Fair - ohs

(04-13-2013, 08:02 AM)Crepuscule Wrote:  

(04-13-2013, 07:43 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  they are bastards! ;-) they simply need sparring.
From a formal perspective I find no nits.
I only stumbled over "pharaohs" in the last line (is the second syllable pronounced as a diphthong carrying one accent on the first vowel in English, because in German it is: phAr-a-Oh-nen "pharaohs").
Is pharaohs pronounced like farrows?
cheers
serge

Fair - ohs

Thank you, and you are so right about fish breath.

(04-13-2013, 07:41 AM)Crepuscule Wrote:  

(04-13-2013, 07:35 AM)UnicornRainbowCake Wrote:  The best bit is the title.

My cat (a doggerel) - oh my.

I really enjoyed it, to start with. I don't have much critique for it because I find it to be a sound poem. I'm not sure however about '(he relishes banana skins)'. I think it interrupts the flow too much for it to be worth the content.

Although the first line is strong I don't know if the whole 'I hate you, you hate me' is a bit overdone. Perhaps 'It's evident my cat hates me.' or something similar?

I don't really hate him.

But does he not really hate you?

Just kitten around. :-P

Thank you for the comments... I appreciate them.

the skins line messes with the rhyme scheme, i'd go for one more line to make it a 10 liner. no nits other than the above,

my addy would love this. she's a cat person

(04-13-2013, 07:19 AM)Crepuscule Wrote:  I hate my cat, my cat hates me.
He purrs at me sarcastically.
He lies in wait behind shut doors
and ambushes with sharpened claws.
He sniffs and sneers at food from tins
then rakes in neighbours' rubbish bins
(he relishes banana skins). if you said skin, or peel it would be a little different from tins/bins as a rhyme and adding a line would sort out the triple rhyme into two two-line rhymes.

Fish-breath cat, I cannot see
why doting pharaohs worshipped thee. Cap P

(04-13-2013, 07:19 AM)Crepuscule Wrote:  I hate my cat, my cat hates me.
He purrs at me sarcastically.
He lies in wait behind shut doors
and ambushes with sharpened claws.
He sniffs and sneers at food from tins
then rakes in neighbours' rubbish bins
(he relishes banana skins).

Fish-breath cat, I cannot see
why doting pharaohs worshipped thee.

This is an utterly brilliant poem, and I say that not just as a slightly mad cat fancier The final couplet is witty and precise in a way that closes the poem perfectly, though why does it need to be its own verse? The rhyme and rhythm flow beautifully and this is a funny, charming work. Thank you for the read.

(04-13-2013, 10:52 AM)Heslopian Wrote:  

(04-13-2013, 07:19 AM)Crepuscule Wrote:  I hate my cat, my cat hates me.
He purrs at me sarcastically.
He lies in wait behind shut doors
and ambushes with sharpened claws.
He sniffs and sneers at food from tins
then rakes in neighbours' rubbish bins
(he relishes banana skins).

Fish-breath cat, I cannot see
why doting pharaohs worshipped thee.

This is an utterly brilliant poem, and I say that not just as a slightly mad cat fancier The final couplet is witty and precise in a way that closes the poem perfectly, though why does it need to be its own verse? The rhyme and rhythm flow beautifully and this is a funny, charming work. Thank you for the read.

Thanks...

The last bit is by itself because I've switched from talking about the cat to addressing him. I don't know how effective this is, if at all.