Time cements and paralyses, through due consideration.
What once was impulse now is thought
and circumstance. Weighed, tested, tried then stamped…
approved. The assay mark says fit for use;
suitably bland, confirmed now good for public health.

Who cares a damn for what is clean or what is safe to swallow?
What once was new, now is clichéd or obscure.
Perhaps the silent thousands take offence; a hope, but not a prize.
They nonetheless obstruct us with their wounded, feeble fears.
So bandage up your weeping words , freedom is your write!

Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice.
What once was theory now is hard-edged fact,
so argue if you will; polemics push us to the edge
of new and fearsome heights. Some will fly as others
hurtle downwards:martyrs to their sweet, enlightened death.

Offend you? No, unless you think I can; but nor you, me.
What once was comment now becomes a slight against small souls.
Can we who speak say nothing anymore? What do you want,
you who slyly crave the bow and curtsy of respect?
Is there more of value than the naked truth? You would say, yes.

Wouldn't you?

tectak
2013

I will need to do some ruminating and distance myself from the immediacy of my response to the subject matter, which is very close to my own heart also. For now, I can offer little in the way of critique until I stop being impressed by an almost complete alignment of thought.

(03-18-2013, 04:15 AM)Leanne Wrote:  I will need to do some ruminating and distance myself from the immediacy of my response to the subject matter, which is very close to my own heart also. For now, I can offer little in the way of critique until I stop being impressed by an almost complete alignment of thought.

Marry me.
Best,
Tectak

If you could do it as a villanelle I'd consider it

(03-18-2013, 04:21 AM)Leanne Wrote:  If you could do it as a villanelle I'd consider it

Ahhh...you're all talk...and I am in love with Lana del Rey.In video veritas.
tectalk

(03-17-2013, 10:30 PM)tectak Wrote:  Time cements and paralyses, through due consideration.
Once what was impulse now is thought
and circumstance. Weighed, tested, tried then stamped…
approved. The assay mark says fit for use;
suitably bland, confirmed now good for public health.

Who cares a damn for what is clean or what is safe to swallow?
Once what was novel now but few delights,
or offends the many mild and voiceless;
who nonetheless obstruct us with their faint and feeble fears.
Bandage up your weeping words and walk your way to freedom!

Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice.
What then was theory now is hard-edged fact,
so argue if you will; polemics push us to the edge
of new and fearsome heights. Some will fly whilst others
hurtle downwards:martyrs to their sweet, enlightened death.

Offend you? No, unless you think I can; but nor you, me.
Once what was comment now becomes a slight against small souls.
Can we who speak say nothing anymore? What do you want,
you who slyly crave the bow and curtsy of respect?
Is there more of value than the naked truth? You would say, yes.

Wouldn't you?

tectak
2013

Hello there.

I like "Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice". THe rest has so much abstraction and not much imagery. Of course I am not a fan of didactic poetry but still:

time, consideration, impulse, thought, circumstance, health, many, theory, fact, polemics, freedom, etc. So many nouns so little to chew on if you know what I mean.

other than that, the "whilst" seems too archaic and the "nor" is if not grammatically incorrect at least awkward enough.

Thanks for sharing.

milo

(03-18-2013, 07:46 AM)milo Wrote:  

(03-17-2013, 10:30 PM)tectak Wrote:  Time cements and paralyses, through due consideration.
Once what was impulse now is thought
and circumstance. Weighed, tested, tried then stamped…
approved. The assay mark says fit for use;
suitably bland, confirmed now good for public health.

Who cares a damn for what is clean or what is safe to swallow?
Once what was novel now but few delights,
or offends the many mild and voiceless;
who nonetheless obstruct us with their faint and feeble fears.
Bandage up your weeping words and walk your way to freedom!

Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice.
What then was theory now is hard-edged fact,
so argue if you will; polemics push us to the edge
of new and fearsome heights. Some will fly whilst others
hurtle downwards:martyrs to their sweet, enlightened death.

Offend you? No, unless you think I can; but nor you, me.
Once what was comment now becomes a slight against small souls.
Can we who speak say nothing anymore? What do you want,
you who slyly crave the bow and curtsy of respect?
Is there more of value than the naked truth? You would say, yes.

Wouldn't you?

tectak
2013

Hello there.

I like "Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice". THe rest has so much abstraction and not much imagery. Of course I am not a fan of didactic poetry but still:

time, consideration, impulse, thought, circumstance, health, many, theory, fact, polemics, freedom, etc. So many nouns so little to chew on if you know what I mean.

other than that, the "whilst" seems too archaic and the "nor" is if not grammatically incorrect at least awkward enough.

Thanks for sharing.

milo

Hi milo,
Many thanks for the insight though I would argue Poe's corner in denying you the didactic definition I thought I was ranting rather than moralising...the heresy of the preacher Nonetheless, if you felt informed by the piece I guess it is an unwanted bonus for you and a revelation for me!
Nouny? Yes, I concur but many is one less. I could trawl through this and scoop up the red herrings but I think I may catch too many sprats....the bigger fish are usually adjectival; I over fished them long ago. Fuck these rubber metaphors, they won't leave me alone.
Sorry...sorry..what were we saying...ah yes....the whilst and the nor. Again, I can take your point, but what was it? The useage is correct but awkward? I will look to change both....a challenge...what to do? Incorrect but facile, perhaps
You have given me some great insight to my own failings in this one...thank you. I have no excuses...I disagree with you only on your understanding of what constitutes didactic verse....this piece is opinionated in my opinion but should in no way be considered informative! Do you write poetry, by the by?
Best,
tectak

(03-18-2013, 08:27 AM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 07:46 AM)milo Wrote:  

(03-17-2013, 10:30 PM)tectak Wrote:  Time cements and paralyses, through due consideration.
Once what was impulse now is thought
and circumstance. Weighed, tested, tried then stamped…
approved. The assay mark says fit for use;
suitably bland, confirmed now good for public health.

Who cares a damn for what is clean or what is safe to swallow?
Once what was novel now but few delights,
or offends the many mild and voiceless;
who nonetheless obstruct us with their faint and feeble fears.
Bandage up your weeping words and walk your way to freedom!

Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice.
What then was theory now is hard-edged fact,
so argue if you will; polemics push us to the edge
of new and fearsome heights. Some will fly whilst others
hurtle downwards:martyrs to their sweet, enlightened death.

Offend you? No, unless you think I can; but nor you, me.
Once what was comment now becomes a slight against small souls.
Can we who speak say nothing anymore? What do you want,
you who slyly crave the bow and curtsy of respect?
Is there more of value than the naked truth? You would say, yes.

Wouldn't you?

tectak
2013

Hello there.

I like "Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice". THe rest has so much abstraction and not much imagery. Of course I am not a fan of didactic poetry but still:

time, consideration, impulse, thought, circumstance, health, many, theory, fact, polemics, freedom, etc. So many nouns so little to chew on if you know what I mean.

other than that, the "whilst" seems too archaic and the "nor" is if not grammatically incorrect at least awkward enough.

Thanks for sharing.

milo

Hi milo,
Many thanks for the insight though I would argue Poe's corner in denying you the didactic definition Nonetheless, if you felt informed by the piece I guess it is an unwanted bonus for you and a revelation for me!
Nouny? Yes, I concur but many is one less. I could trawl through this and scoop up the red herrings but I think I may catch too many sprats....the bigger fish are usually adjectival; I over fished them long ago. Fuck these rubber metaphors, they won't leave me alone.
Sorry...sorry..what were we saying...ah yes....the whilst and the nor. Again, I can take your point, but what was it? The useage is correct but awkward? I will look to change both....a challenge...what to do? Incorrect but facile, perhaps
You have given me some great insight to my own failings in this one...thank you. I have no excuses...I disagree with you only on your understanding of what constitutes didactic verse....this piece is opinionated in my opinion but should in no way be considered informative! Do you write poetry, by the by?
Best,
tectak

yah, for nouns I just mean abstractions. I love nouns. Strong concrete nouns. There aren't a lot of those here. All of the abstraction makes it hard for me to relate.

I do write poetry, thank you.

milo

(03-18-2013, 09:24 AM)milo Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:27 AM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 07:46 AM)milo Wrote:  

(03-17-2013, 10:30 PM)tectak Wrote:  Time cements and paralyses, through due consideration.
Once what was impulse now is thought
and circumstance. Weighed, tested, tried then stamped…
approved. The assay mark says fit for use;
suitably bland, confirmed now good for public health.

Who cares a damn for what is clean or what is safe to swallow?
Once what was novel now but few delights,
or offends the many mild and voiceless;
who nonetheless obstruct us with their faint and feeble fears.
Bandage up your weeping words and walk your way to freedom!

Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice.
What then was theory now is hard-edged fact,
so argue if you will; polemics push us to the edge
of new and fearsome heights. Some will fly whilst others
hurtle downwards:martyrs to their sweet, enlightened death.

Offend you? No, unless you think I can; but nor you, me.
Once what was comment now becomes a slight against small souls.
Can we who speak say nothing anymore? What do you want,
you who slyly crave the bow and curtsy of respect?
Is there more of value than the naked truth? You would say, yes.

Wouldn't you?

tectak
2013

Hello there.

I like "Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice". THe rest has so much abstraction and not much imagery. Of course I am not a fan of didactic poetry but still:

time, consideration, impulse, thought, circumstance, health, many, theory, fact, polemics, freedom, etc. So many nouns so little to chew on if you know what I mean.

other than that, the "whilst" seems too archaic and the "nor" is if not grammatically incorrect at least awkward enough.

Thanks for sharing.

milo

Hi milo,
Many thanks for the insight though I would argue Poe's corner in denying you the didactic definition Nonetheless, if you felt informed by the piece I guess it is an unwanted bonus for you and a revelation for me!
Nouny? Yes, I concur but many is one less. I could trawl through this and scoop up the red herrings but I think I may catch too many sprats....the bigger fish are usually adjectival; I over fished them long ago. Fuck these rubber metaphors, they won't leave me alone.
Sorry...sorry..what were we saying...ah yes....the whilst and the nor. Again, I can take your point, but what was it? The useage is correct but awkward? I will look to change both....a challenge...what to do? Incorrect but facile, perhaps
You have given me some great insight to my own failings in this one...thank you. I have no excuses...I disagree with you only on your understanding of what constitutes didactic verse....this piece is opinionated in my opinion but should in no way be considered informative! Do you write poetry, by the by?
Best,
tectak

yah, for nouns I just mean abstractions. I love nouns. Strong concrete nouns. There aren't a lot of those here. All of the abstraction makes it hard for me to relate.

I do write poetry, thank you.

milo

Hi milo,
I think I shall wait until I can establish your credentials through your poetic efforts...otherwise I may shout dilettante too soon
I confess, when you said nouns I thought you meant nouns...but you meant, er, well um? I am no longer sure of anything. When I said sure I meant uncertain. Huh?
You are still right on the "nor" point. I will change it.
Best,
tectak

(03-18-2013, 08:19 PM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 09:24 AM)milo Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:27 AM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 07:46 AM)milo Wrote:  

(03-17-2013, 10:30 PM)tectak Wrote:  Time cements and paralyses, through due consideration.
Once what was impulse now is thought
and circumstance. Weighed, tested, tried then stamped…
approved. The assay mark says fit for use;
suitably bland, confirmed now good for public health.

Who cares a damn for what is clean or what is safe to swallow?
Once what was novel now but few delights,
or offends the many mild and voiceless;
who nonetheless obstruct us with their faint and feeble fears.
Bandage up your weeping words and walk your way to freedom!

Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice.
What then was theory now is hard-edged fact,
so argue if you will; polemics push us to the edge
of new and fearsome heights. Some will fly whilst others
hurtle downwards:martyrs to their sweet, enlightened death.

Offend you? No, unless you think I can; but nor you, me.
Once what was comment now becomes a slight against small souls.
Can we who speak say nothing anymore? What do you want,
you who slyly crave the bow and curtsy of respect?
Is there more of value than the naked truth? You would say, yes.

Wouldn't you?

tectak
2013

Hello there.

I like "Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice". THe rest has so much abstraction and not much imagery. Of course I am not a fan of didactic poetry but still:

time, consideration, impulse, thought, circumstance, health, many, theory, fact, polemics, freedom, etc. So many nouns so little to chew on if you know what I mean.

other than that, the "whilst" seems too archaic and the "nor" is if not grammatically incorrect at least awkward enough.

Thanks for sharing.

milo

Hi milo,
Many thanks for the insight though I would argue Poe's corner in denying you the didactic definition Nonetheless, if you felt informed by the piece I guess it is an unwanted bonus for you and a revelation for me!
Nouny? Yes, I concur but many is one less. I could trawl through this and scoop up the red herrings but I think I may catch too many sprats....the bigger fish are usually adjectival; I over fished them long ago. Fuck these rubber metaphors, they won't leave me alone.
Sorry...sorry..what were we saying...ah yes....the whilst and the nor. Again, I can take your point, but what was it? The useage is correct but awkward? I will look to change both....a challenge...what to do? Incorrect but facile, perhaps
You have given me some great insight to my own failings in this one...thank you. I have no excuses...I disagree with you only on your understanding of what constitutes didactic verse....this piece is opinionated in my opinion but should in no way be considered informative! Do you write poetry, by the by?
Best,
tectak

yah, for nouns I just mean abstractions. I love nouns. Strong concrete nouns. There aren't a lot of those here. All of the abstraction makes it hard for me to relate.

I do write poetry, thank you.

milo

Hi milo,
I think I shall wait until I can establish your credentials through your poetic efforts...otherwise I may shout dilettante too soon
I confess, when you said nouns I thought you meant nouns...but you meant, er, well um? I am no longer sure of anything. When I said sure I meant uncertain. Huh?
You are still right on the "nor" point. I will change it.
Best,
tectak

I stated abstractions early in the post then listed the abstract nouns. If there was confusion the fault was mine. mea culpa.

I meant abstract nouns. abstractions.

As far as credentials, I wouldn't think you would need credentials to read and comment?

milo

(03-18-2013, 08:28 PM)milo Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:19 PM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 09:24 AM)milo Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:27 AM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 07:46 AM)milo Wrote:  Hello there.

I like "Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice". THe rest has so much abstraction and not much imagery. Of course I am not a fan of didactic poetry but still:

time, consideration, impulse, thought, circumstance, health, many, theory, fact, polemics, freedom, etc. So many nouns so little to chew on if you know what I mean.

other than that, the "whilst" seems too archaic and the "nor" is if not grammatically incorrect at least awkward enough.

Thanks for sharing.

milo

Hi milo,
Many thanks for the insight though I would argue Poe's corner in denying you the didactic definition Nonetheless, if you felt informed by the piece I guess it is an unwanted bonus for you and a revelation for me!
Nouny? Yes, I concur but many is one less. I could trawl through this and scoop up the red herrings but I think I may catch too many sprats....the bigger fish are usually adjectival; I over fished them long ago. Fuck these rubber metaphors, they won't leave me alone.
Sorry...sorry..what were we saying...ah yes....the whilst and the nor. Again, I can take your point, but what was it? The useage is correct but awkward? I will look to change both....a challenge...what to do? Incorrect but facile, perhaps
You have given me some great insight to my own failings in this one...thank you. I have no excuses...I disagree with you only on your understanding of what constitutes didactic verse....this piece is opinionated in my opinion but should in no way be considered informative! Do you write poetry, by the by?
Best,
tectak

yah, for nouns I just mean abstractions. I love nouns. Strong concrete nouns. There aren't a lot of those here. All of the abstraction makes it hard for me to relate.

I do write poetry, thank you.

milo

Hi milo,
I think I shall wait until I can establish your credentials through your poetic efforts...otherwise I may shout dilettante too soon
I confess, when you said nouns I thought you meant nouns...but you meant, er, well um? I am no longer sure of anything. When I said sure I meant uncertain. Huh?
You are still right on the "nor" point. I will change it.
Best,
tectak

I stated abstractions early in the post then listed the abstract nouns. If there was confusion the fault was mine. mea culpa.

I meant abstract nouns. abstractions.

As far as credentials, I wouldn't think you would need credentials to read and comment?

milo

Hi milo,
No. You are quite right, you do not need credentials to comment...but you do if you want to be taken any notice of
Best,
tectak

(03-17-2013, 10:30 PM)tectak Wrote:  Time cements and paralyses, through due consideration.
What once was impulse now is thought
and circumstance. Weighed, tested, tried then stamped…
approved. The assay mark says fit for use;
suitably bland, confirmed now good for public health. -- that which is in stasis, should not be. After not nearly enough deliberation, the wrong decision has been made. Those who cannot see the foundations choose instead to copy the shape of the skyscraper in miniature -- or those who have no tongue serve us banquets that look the part, but have no spice.

Who cares a damn for what is clean or what is safe to swallow? -- I would suggest you can do without the damn -- maybe even do with making this a statement, rather than a rhetorical question.
What once was new, now is clichéd or obscure. -- for me this is too obvious, but subtlety may not serve for the wider audience, given the subject matter
Perhaps the silent thousands take offence; a hope, but not a prize.
They nonetheless obstruct us with their wounded, feeble fears.
So bandage up your weeping words , freedom is your write! -- we're mixing quite a lot of metaphors by this point -- perhaps this is a statement in itself

Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice.
What once was theory now is hard-edged fact,
so argue if you will; polemics push us to the edge
of new and fearsome heights. Some will fly as others
hurtle downwards:martyrs to their sweet, enlightened death. -- and many more will hurtle downwards because those who could not fly will try to elevate themselves by stepping on the shoulders of those who might have grown wings

Offend you? No, unless you think I can; but nor you, me. -- this is a key point -- those who take offence generally do so because the arrow has hit home and they won't admit to the score
What once was comment now becomes a slight against small souls. -- how dare you tell me I'm not perfect?
Can we who speak say nothing anymore? What do you want,
you who slyly crave the bow and curtsy of respect? -- respect might just be too lofty -- adulation will do for the crowd you address
Is there more of value than the naked truth? You would say, yes.

Wouldn't you?

tectak
2013

(03-18-2013, 09:16 PM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:28 PM)milo Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:19 PM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 09:24 AM)milo Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:27 AM)tectak Wrote:  Hi milo,
Many thanks for the insight though I would argue Poe's corner in denying you the didactic definition Nonetheless, if you felt informed by the piece I guess it is an unwanted bonus for you and a revelation for me!
Nouny? Yes, I concur but many is one less. I could trawl through this and scoop up the red herrings but I think I may catch too many sprats....the bigger fish are usually adjectival; I over fished them long ago. Fuck these rubber metaphors, they won't leave me alone.
Sorry...sorry..what were we saying...ah yes....the whilst and the nor. Again, I can take your point, but what was it? The useage is correct but awkward? I will look to change both....a challenge...what to do? Incorrect but facile, perhaps
You have given me some great insight to my own failings in this one...thank you. I have no excuses...I disagree with you only on your understanding of what constitutes didactic verse....this piece is opinionated in my opinion but should in no way be considered informative! Do you write poetry, by the by?
Best,
tectak

yah, for nouns I just mean abstractions. I love nouns. Strong concrete nouns. There aren't a lot of those here. All of the abstraction makes it hard for me to relate.

I do write poetry, thank you.

milo

Hi milo,
I think I shall wait until I can establish your credentials through your poetic efforts...otherwise I may shout dilettante too soon
I confess, when you said nouns I thought you meant nouns...but you meant, er, well um? I am no longer sure of anything. When I said sure I meant uncertain. Huh?
You are still right on the "nor" point. I will change it.
Best,
tectak

I stated abstractions early in the post then listed the abstract nouns. If there was confusion the fault was mine. mea culpa.

I meant abstract nouns. abstractions.

As far as credentials, I wouldn't think you would need credentials to read and comment?

milo

Hi milo,
No. You are quite right, you do not need credentials to comment...but you do if you want to be taken any notice of
Best,
tectak

I missed the suggestion to post credentials before commenting somehow. Thank you for pointing this out. I suppose all of those many, many abstractions are now concrete until I link a resume?

Thank you for your assistance.

milo

(03-19-2013, 05:52 AM)milo Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 09:16 PM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:28 PM)milo Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:19 PM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 09:24 AM)milo Wrote:  yah, for nouns I just mean abstractions. I love nouns. Strong concrete nouns. There aren't a lot of those here. All of the abstraction makes it hard for me to relate.

I do write poetry, thank you.

milo

Hi milo,
I think I shall wait until I can establish your credentials through your poetic efforts...otherwise I may shout dilettante too soon
I confess, when you said nouns I thought you meant nouns...but you meant, er, well um? I am no longer sure of anything. When I said sure I meant uncertain. Huh?
You are still right on the "nor" point. I will change it.
Best,
tectak

I stated abstractions early in the post then listed the abstract nouns. If there was confusion the fault was mine. mea culpa.

I meant abstract nouns. abstractions.

As far as credentials, I wouldn't think you would need credentials to read and comment?

milo

Hi milo,
No. You are quite right, you do not need credentials to comment...but you do if you want to be taken any notice of
Best,
tectak

I missed the suggestion to post credentials before commenting somehow. Thank you for pointing this out. I suppose all of those many, many abstractions are now concrete until I link a resume?

Thank you for your assistance.

milo

Hi milo,
No...it is less complex than that. You show me yours and I'll show you mine!
Best,
tectak

(03-19-2013, 06:08 AM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-19-2013, 05:52 AM)milo Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 09:16 PM)tectak Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:28 PM)milo Wrote:  

(03-18-2013, 08:19 PM)tectak Wrote:  Hi milo,
I think I shall wait until I can establish your credentials through your poetic efforts...otherwise I may shout dilettante too soon
I confess, when you said nouns I thought you meant nouns...but you meant, er, well um? I am no longer sure of anything. When I said sure I meant uncertain. Huh?
You are still right on the "nor" point. I will change it.
Best,
tectak

I stated abstractions early in the post then listed the abstract nouns. If there was confusion the fault was mine. mea culpa.

I meant abstract nouns. abstractions.

As far as credentials, I wouldn't think you would need credentials to read and comment?

milo

Hi milo,
No. You are quite right, you do not need credentials to comment...but you do if you want to be taken any notice of
Best,
tectak

I missed the suggestion to post credentials before commenting somehow. Thank you for pointing this out. I suppose all of those many, many abstractions are now concrete until I link a resume?

Thank you for your assistance.

milo

Hi milo,
No...it is less complex than that. You show me yours and I'll show you mine!
Best,
tectak

Is there a specific style, form or subject you would like to stipulate in your challenge?
I once bragged I could write a functional sonnet on any subject in 10 minutes or less but I was much younger then. Still . . .

milo

Sweet baby kumquats, y'all need to consolidate these doggone replies.

I hear a squirrel in my attic.

(I'm going to read the thread now)

Squirrels and sonnets aside... there's a poem in here somewhere, let's try getting back to that. This is Serious Critique, after all.

Don't make me bring out the red pen.

(03-19-2013, 04:22 AM)Leanne Wrote:  

(03-17-2013, 10:30 PM)tectak Wrote:  Time cements and paralyses, through due consideration.
What once was impulse now is thought
and circumstance. Weighed, tested, tried then stamped…
approved. The assay mark says fit for use;
suitably bland, confirmed now good for public health. -- that which is in stasis, should not be. After not nearly enough deliberation, the wrong decision has been made. Those who cannot see the foundations choose instead to copy the shape of the skyscraper in miniature -- or those who have no tongue serve us banquets that look the part, but have no spice.The time reference is poorly defined. I meant to imply the long passage of time (age) rather than time spent on analysis. Your point is well made. Needs changing.

Who cares a damn for what is clean or what is safe to swallow? -- I would suggest you can do without the damn -- maybe even do with making this a statement, rather than a rhetorical question.gives a fuck, perhaps? I don't give a fuck? Better?
What once was new, now is clichéd or obscure. -- for me this is too obvious, but subtlety may not serve for the wider audience, given the subject matterI changed it to this for that very reason...who is this rant aimed at?
Perhaps the silent thousands take offence; a hope, but not a prize.
They nonetheless obstruct us with their wounded, feeble fears.
So bandage up your weeping words , freedom is your write! -- we're mixing quite a lot of metaphors by this point -- perhaps this is a statement in itselfQuestion. Which is worse? A single stretched metaphor or a myriad of mini-metaphors. Answer: Well...it's like this.....

Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice.
What once was theory now is hard-edged fact,
so argue if you will; polemics push us to the edge
of new and fearsome heights. Some will fly as others
hurtle downwards:martyrs to their sweet, enlightened death. -- and many more will hurtle downwards because those who could not fly will try to elevate themselves by stepping on the shoulders of those who might have grown wings

Offend you? No, unless you think I can; but nor you, me. -- this is a key point -- those who take offence generally do so because the arrow has hit home and they won't admit to the score
What once was comment now becomes a slight against small souls. -- how dare you tell me I'm not perfect?
Can we who speak say nothing anymore? What do you want,
you who slyly crave the bow and curtsy of respect? -- respect might just be too lofty -- adulation will do for the crowd you address How did this lofty thing start? I want to get back down.
Is there more of value than the naked truth? You would say, yes.

Wouldn't you?

tectak
2013

In truth, sometimes a hammer blow is required

If two grown up metaphors get together and love each other very much, mini-metaphors may soon abound...

And when the targets burrow in the earth like Morlocks, even the ground is a lofty perch.

(03-17-2013, 10:30 PM)tectak Wrote:  Time cements and paralyses, through due consideration. in this first line I don't really agree with how authoritative you are about this, as though it is fact when it is merely opinion
What once was impulse now is thought
and circumstance. Weighed, tested, tried then stamped… right here, i've seen this before:
approved. The assay mark says fit for use;
suitably bland, confirmed now good for public health.

Who cares a damn for what is clean or what is safe to swallow?
What once was new, now is clichéd or obscure.
Perhaps the silent thousands take offence; a hope, but not a prize.
They nonetheless obstruct us with their wounded, feeble fears.
So bandage up your weeping words , freedom is your write! i enjoy this little quip here, it's cute (right and write)

Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice. i notice a double space -- this is a nice segway into the violence that is spoken word
What once was theory now is hard-edged fact,
so argue if you will; polemics push us to the edge
of new and fearsome heights. Some will fly as others
hurtle downwards:martyrs to their sweet, enlightened death.

Offend you? No, unless you think I can; but nor you, me. i don't think you need the "but nor you, me" part
What once was comment now becomes a slight against small souls.
Can we who speak say nothing anymore? What do you want,
you who slyly crave the bow and curtsy of respect?
Is there more of value than the naked truth? You would say, yes.

Wouldn't you?

tectak
2013

Tectak, your pretensions are showing ;]

Best,
S