and he loves me while i you
and you love her,
but she left you and
you me.

This is a simply stated but convoluted little piece and it's loaded with emotion -- as if it's too painful to go into more detail. Clever!

very clever, but you still have him and he loves you, I think,
took a couple of reads to get it but thats me.

Mmm. It seems there's always something to complain about.

(02-20-2013, 08:44 AM)Leanne Wrote:  This is a simply stated but convoluted little piece and it's loaded with emotion -- as if it's too painful to go into more detail. Clever!

thank you. getting complimented by someone who knows how to write poetry makes me all gushy inside.

(02-20-2013, 08:42 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  and he loves me while i you
and you love her,
but she left you and
you me.

a case of kissing him and crying for you, enjoyed muchly,less is definatley more here

(02-20-2013, 08:42 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  and he loves me while i you
and you love her,
but she left you and
you me.

Apposite. This needs nothing adding or taking away. Does what it says on the tin and covers me in one coat. There is a captured adolescence in the language used and though I may baulk at the small "i" I dare not suggest it is a typo in case it has some teen-talk to which I am no longer privy
I reminds me of:
Said him to me,"Is that you?"
Said I,"Who?"
Said he,"You."
Said I, "No."
Said he, "My,
It's awfie' like you."

Scottish mother poem.
Best,
well done,
tectak

(02-21-2013, 03:26 PM)newsclippings Wrote:  

(02-20-2013, 08:44 AM)Leanne Wrote:  This is a simply stated but convoluted little piece and it's loaded with emotion -- as if it's too painful to go into more detail. Clever!

thank you. getting complimented by someone who knows how to write poetry makes me all gushy inside.

does this mean i'll never make you gushy

clever seems to be the word of choice and i agree.
i'm just glad i wasn't drunk when i read it.

(02-21-2013, 09:39 PM)tectak Wrote:  

(02-20-2013, 08:42 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  and he loves me while i you
and you love her,
but she left you and
you me.

Apposite. This needs nothing adding or taking away. Does what it says on the tin and covers me in one coat. There is a captured adolescence in the language used and though I may baulk at the small "i" I dare not suggest it is a typo in case it has some teen-talk to which I am no longer privy
I reminds me of:
Said him to me,"Is that you?"
Said I,"Who?"
Said he,"You."
Said I, "No."
Said he, "My,
It's awfie' like you."

Scottish mother poem.
Best,
well done,
tectak

I used all lower-case because the situation seems insignificant to me. Thank you for the 'pliments do.

---

(02-21-2013, 10:04 PM)billy Wrote:  

(02-21-2013, 03:26 PM)newsclippings Wrote:  

(02-20-2013, 08:44 AM)Leanne Wrote:  This is a simply stated but convoluted little piece and it's loaded with emotion -- as if it's too painful to go into more detail. Clever!

thank you. getting complimented by someone who knows how to write poetry makes me all gushy inside.

does this mean i'll never make you gushy

clever seems to be the word of choice and i agree.
i'm just glad i wasn't drunk when i read it.

Everything I write seems to be situational with you.
and you can make me gushy smush smush adkladjsf whatamidoing.

Miss Clippings is known for her sad, lonely misanthropic poetry.

And I own the copyright for the word "situational". You owe me a sandwich the next time I'm homeless on those harsh, uneven sidewalks of New Jersey.

perfect.
Well, of course you could throw out one "and" and one "love" but why should you?

(02-22-2013, 06:05 AM)rowens Wrote:  Miss Clippings is known for her sad, lonely misanthropic poetry.

And I own the copyright for the word "situational". You owe me a sandwich the next time I'm homeless on those harsh, uneven sidewalks of New Jersey.

I'm a pretty happy gal, despite these quips.

You send me a bus ticket next time you're home alone, and I'll fix my own sandwich.

Don't you know that song that goes "...Nobody loves no one." The model in the video said it made her sick to roll in the sand with the singer. But she rolled in the sand with him didn't she?

Somebody's always leaving somebody who's being left by someone.

This poem will always have current common currency.

(02-22-2013, 11:01 PM)rowens Wrote:  You send me a bus ticket next time you're home alone, and I'll fix my own sandwich.

Don't you know that song that goes "...Nobody loves no one." The model in the video said it made her sick to roll in the sand with the singer. But she rolled in the sand with him didn't she?

Somebody's always leaving somebody who's being left by someone.

This poem will always have current common currency.

shrug.

(02-22-2013, 08:27 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  perfect.
Well, of course you could throw out one "and" and one "love" but why should you?

as though brevity was an issue!

I was kidding. I like it as is.