Posts: 32
Threads: 7
Joined: Jan 2013
I call these "Back Pocket Poems" because I put them in my back pocket so other people don't see them after I've written them. They're the ones I'm most embarrassed about, though more for the content than skill (or lack thereof).
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Free Verse
Yellow Flower
Yellow flower, newly blossomed
You grew into eye-glasses
You like to laugh, but hardly talk
(or so they tell me)
Are we then
peas in a pod?
One drained to white from sheltered living
The other golden-brown from dancing in the sun?
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Natural Beauty
Your voice is honey,
Your eyes big brown bears
Peeking through window slats,
Your hair falls softly down
flows like the creek,
Your skin is China silk,
(Without the worms, thank God)
Your nose a pebble
Rounded in the river of your hair
(I know, I know, I used a bunch of metaphors. I never said I wouldn't, just that I didn't like it!)
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Seeing Hope
Sometimes
I think
There is no joy
Sadness reigns
And
Hunger boasts.
But then
I see
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Not Over You
Her face a picture
Her mind a maze
Her voice is like
Sweet Summer's rain.
Try I must,
So try I do,
But still, my dear,
Not over you.
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Rhymed Poetry
The Suitors
Be still, my dear,
and bend an ear,
to hear the words I say:
"Starlight Beckons,
A sign, I'll Reckon."
--Not so fast, not so soon!
First hear the whispers of the Moon!
"Hold me closer, hold me tight!
"I, the Moon, am restless tonight!"
Perhaps they're not your cup of tea?
Listen then, my dear, to the sea:
"Swift, sweet dear, I'll rescue you!
"Jump in the waters blue!"
Now, my dear, to make your choice.
Though Ocean may have sweeter voice,
(Fine, fine, far more than mine)
His rough hands, marred by salt,
Know kindness not!
Luna, my sweet, darling she may be,
Good Girl, she's on your team!
Though friendly stars are bubbly,
You'll find none of that in you or me.
I make you laugh, you make me cry,
But I don't mind, 'round you I'm high!
(No, no, I'm not that kind of guy!
Your love, my sweet, is what gets me by!)
Now, cast your eyes in mine,
See the dark, dark Moon, Ocean's sea with Star's bright shine?
My tired eyes travel, never ceasing,
Safe haven they are seeking.
Perhaps in yours they'll find their rest?
Who cares, my girl, about a chest?
Darling, I always knew
That finding something new
Is frightening.
But love, sweet girl, is tightening.
Hold your hand?
That'd be grand!
But not, dear sweet, my dream.
That, Yellow Flower, is a scream!
Because
I
Want
To
Make
You
Smile
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Well, I hope y'all liked those. I'll probably be posting loads of these things on Sundays.
And yes, they're all about a girl. That's one of the reasons I keep them in my pocket, I don't want anyone to know I write poems about her.
Won't be seeing you through the field of tears I left behind
I let anybody know if I make a poem about them. They might not like it; and they might not even like poetry. But I've never been one to hide my feelings from a woman, or poems or songs or anything like that. I find it much harder to be quiet about it. If I want a woman, I want her. If she doesn't want me, I just have to live with it.
This is for fun, not to edit. But did you mean it when you said: "that's be grand"?
Posts: 32
Threads: 7
Joined: Jan 2013
(01-14-2013, 04:39 AM)rowens Wrote: I let anybody know if I make a poem about them. They might not like it; and they might not even like poetry. But I've never been one to hide my feelings from a woman, or poems or songs or anything like that. I find it much harder to be quiet about it. If I want a woman, I want her. If she doesn't want me, I just have to live with it.
This is for fun, not to edit. But did you mean it when you said: "that's be grand"? It's more that I can barely find words when I'm around her. I'd love to tell her how I feel, though.
Well, she might know. Well, my friend who knows has some trouble keeping quiet. He keeps trying to help, and he's gotten a few of his other friends to sorta help. Apparently, he didn't realize that could make it obvious to her. Since then, though, she seems to be a bit more at ease around me. Apparently, she's also really shy.
But yeah, that was a typo. It's supposed to be "That'd" as in "that would." I'm fixing it now.
Oh, and I'm open to criticism. If there is an issue, I need to know about it. If there's any bones you have to pick, you are obligated to let me know.
Won't be seeing you through the field of tears I left behind
I always have the words, it's just that the girl usually doesn't know what the fuck I'm talking about. And the very intelligent girls are...well smart enough to be in a position where it would be foolish to be seen with a bum like me.
But anyway, it's not too hard to simply ask her if she wants to hang out with you somewhere, sometime; without all the friends around trying to help out. You seem to already know each other well enough for that simple question.
It's a better idea than being up all night forming stomach ailments over time wasted and missed chances. If she says no, there'll be plenty more time for that quiet desperation.
Posts: 32
Threads: 7
Joined: Jan 2013
Right. Your advice is extremely helpful, and likely perfectly correct. I'd follow it in a heartbeat if it was applicable.
It isn't. Unfortunately, I'm not you or anything vaguely resembling normal. Maybe if you were to squint and you had your ears blown off you wouldn't notice. It's... I am the closest person to being a hermit that I have ever met.
Won't be seeing you through the field of tears I left behind
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
01-14-2013, 05:23 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-14-2013, 05:24 PM by billy.)
(01-14-2013, 03:23 AM)Card Wrote: I call these "Back Pocket Poems" because I put them in my back pocket so other people don't see them after I've written them. They're the ones I'm most embarrassed about, though more for the content than skill (or lack thereof). i like the idea of back pocket poems. sadly i never write on anything but the pc :9 i am going to start using my tablet a bit more though.
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
Free Verse
Yellow Flower yellow flower twice feels a bit too much
Yellow flower, newly blossomed
You grew into eye-glasses
You like to laugh, but hardly talk
(or so they tell me)
Are we then
peas in a pod?
One drained to white from sheltered living
The other golden-brown from dancing in the sun?
i seriously like the last 2 lines.
_______________________________________________________________
Natural Beauty
Your voice is honey, syrupy cliche, but hell, it's a for fun poem.
Your eyes big brown bears
Peeking through window slats,
Your hair falls softly down
flows like the creek,
Your skin is China silk,
(Without the worms, thank God)
Your nose a pebble
Rounded in the river of your hair
(I know, I know, I used a bunch of metaphors. I never said I wouldn't, just that I didn't like it!)
_______________________________________________________________
Seeing Hope
Sometimes
I think
There is no joy
Sadness reigns
And
Hunger boasts.
But then
I see
_______________________________________________________________
Not Over You
Her face a picture
Her mind a maze
Her voice is like
Sweet Summer's rain.
Try I must,
So try I do,
But still, my dear,
Not over you.
some clichés
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
Rhymed Poetry
The Suitors
Be still, my dear,
and bend an ear,
to hear the words I say:
"Starlight Beckons,
A sign, I'll Reckon."
--Not so fast, not so soon!
First hear the whispers of the Moon!
"Hold me closer, hold me tight!
"I, the Moon, am restless tonight!"
Perhaps they're not your cup of tea?
Listen then, my dear, to the sea:
"Swift, sweet dear, I'll rescue you!
"Jump in the waters blue!"
Now, my dear, to make your choice.
Though Ocean may have sweeter voice,
(Fine, fine, far more than mine)
His rough hands, marred by salt,
Know kindness not!
Luna, my sweet, darling she may be,
Good Girl, she's on your team!
Though friendly stars are bubbly,
You'll find none of that in you or me.
I make you laugh, you make me cry,
But I don't mind, 'round you I'm high!
(No, no, I'm not that kind of guy!
Your love, my sweet, is what gets me by!)
Now, cast your eyes in mine,
See the dark, dark Moon, Ocean's sea with Star's bright shine?
My tired eyes travel, never ceasing,
Safe haven they are seeking.
Perhaps in yours they'll find their rest?
Who cares, my girl, about a chest?
Darling, I always knew
That finding something new
Is frightening.
But love, sweet girl, is tightening.
Hold your hand?
That'd be grand!
But not, dear sweet, my dream.
That, Yellow Flower, is a scream!
Because
I
Want
To
Make
You
Smile
meter not great in places, quite a few clichés,
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_______________________________________________________________
Well, I hope y'all liked those. I'll probably be posting loads of these things on Sundays.
And yes, they're all about a girl. That's one of the reasons I keep them in my pocket, I don't want anyone to know I write poems about her.
i wouldn't touch them (as in do edits) i left a few comments but in truth the comments i left are bull poo. i think they pretty great.
sometimes a poem is more about the feeling you put into it, and not the feeling we the reader gets out of it. of course anyone would love to get poetry off another person, thanks for sharing the moments with us.
if you really want crits on them put them in one of the feedback forums, personally i'd put them here and make people smile for the sake of it.
(01-14-2013, 10:35 AM)Card Wrote: Maybe if you were to squint and you had your ears blown off you wouldn't notice.
Ah... women like ugly men. Men don't have to be pretty and delicate like a girl. Girls just want to be the most smart, the most beautiful, and the most interesting person in the room. They don't like to be upstaged.
But if you want to be a hermit, it's best not to look at girls. They'll get to you. Make you do things you don't want to do. And have poems tucked away in your pockets, drawing attention to the wrong bulge. Thus spoke Zarathrustra.
Posts: 32
Threads: 7
Joined: Jan 2013
(01-14-2013, 05:23 PM)billy Wrote: if you really want crits on them put them in one of the feedback forums, personally i'd put them here and make people smile for the sake of it. Yeah, I get nervous in crowds. Four things calm me down: Reading, Drawing, Writing or Good Company. Lacking access to the last, and not feeling much for the first two, I turned to number three.
Also, the italics are supposed to be the title. I had them underlined at first, but thought the italics looked nicer. Reminded me of handwriting.
(01-15-2013, 12:22 AM)rowens Wrote: (01-14-2013, 10:35 AM)Card Wrote: Maybe if you were to squint and you had your ears blown off you wouldn't notice. Ah... women like ugly men. Men don't have to be pretty and delicate like a girl. Girls just want to be the most smart, the most beautiful, and the most interesting person in the room. They don't like to be upstaged.
But if you want to be a hermit, it's best not to look at girls. They'll get to you. Make you do things you don't want to do. And have poems tucked away in your pockets, drawing attention to the wrong bulge. Thus spoke Zarathrustra. You made me explode into laughter with that last bit. I... really, that's gotta be some of the best advice to give someone.
But it's not as if I wanted to separate myself, there were... circumstances that really didn't affect anything but my mood. I got nervous around groups, and... well... yeah. Read. Which led to me being --speaking modestly here-- more intelligent than anyone else in my school, excepting teachers. Naturally, that led to more self-exclusion, which started to lead to exclusion by others.
But, hey, I've gotten a lot better. My face lends itself to others as a clown's (to put it delicately). When I'm in smaller groups, I can manage to be one of the funniest people in the room. Which is great, because I get satisfaction out of getting people to laugh (especially certain people).
And my voice is akin to Bozo's horn, so that "helps."
Anyways, I do believe I'll put some poems in the "For Fun" section. Later, though. I seem to have caught some nasty kind of bug.
Won't be seeing you through the field of tears I left behind
Wherever I go ends up turning into something out of a Marx Brothers movie, if anybody irritates me in the slightest. That's why I've so often been stuck here using the Internet lately.
Truthfully, if I pray for anything it's for a spaceship to come down one night and take me away from this place long enough for me to adjust to another world.
If it wasn't for emotions and nervous irritation, everything would be a joke and this world would be a blank slate for me to thrash around in.
Most girls will like intelligent, funny men, no matter how they look or sound. As long as they have some sense of social safeness. There are plenty of girls that don't even give a shit about that; but you seem to want a classy girl.
But society and safeness are so awfully boring aren't they? I think a group of one is comfortable. A group of two is ideal. Whenever I'm in a group, and I can feel them merging into a group mentality as they so often do, my savage blood boils, and I sense trouble. And I react.
That's my sense of fun anyway. But a partner in crime is ideal. At least for me.
Posts: 32
Threads: 7
Joined: Jan 2013
Eh, the only emotion I'm good at is whatever it is that can make people laugh.
Also, what makes it seem like I want a classy girl? I mean, you're pretty spot on, but I don't think I said so anywhere. You're also not the first to say so, either.
'Course, I know about three classy girl, and only one Klassy girl.
Won't be seeing you through the field of tears I left behind
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