I've never peeled an onion
never julienned a carrot
but I've been in situations
that'd scare a sickly parrot.

I've been chased by heebee pumpee's
as down the Amazon I flew
though the dirty little fuckers
could never get me in their stew.

Oh they tried it on with blowpipes.
They'd blow their pointy poison darts,
the tiny buggers never hit,
though i could hear their running farts.

Overnight in Kuala Lumpur
while playing dice; I had two throws
to bed Malaysian bedroom girls
or to forgo a foot of toes.

She drizzled jam upon my ham
it stood proud, it wasn't picky
and after she had licked it off
she was awfully wet and ...

---

not sure if saying "for Ash" sounds right but i promised to give her one

the title the poem is based on is from here

Hey Billy,
Aww shucks, it was a hilarious and solid read.
My 2 nits are a comma after "They'd blow their pointy poison darts" and "the tiny buggers never hit"

I like the transition from running from being dinner to being a dessert
"She drizzled jam upon my ham/it stood proud, it wasn't picky" very good innuendo, which made it that much more funny.
This had adventure, escaping from stew and a happy ending all in one, who could ask for more? Entertaining read, but also clever.

"but I've been in situations
that'd scare a sickly parrot."

this seems forced -- as though you needed a rhyme

(01-09-2013, 08:26 AM)arbil_poieo Wrote:  Hey Billy,
Aww shucks, it was a hilarious and solid read.
My 2 nits are a comma after "They'd blow their pointy poison darts" and "the tiny buggers never hit"

I like the transition from running from being dinner to being a dessert
"She drizzled jam upon my ham/it stood proud, it wasn't picky" very good innuendo, which made it that much more funny.
This had adventure, escaping from stew and a happy ending all in one, who could ask for more? Entertaining read, but also clever.

thanks for the feedback ash will sort it out in a minute

---

(01-09-2013, 05:32 PM)newsclippings Wrote:  "but I've been in situations
that'd scare a sickly parrot."

this seems forced -- as though you needed a rhyme

thanks for the feedback NC i'll see if i can improve it.