This is the harp of the world,
with a song that died before stars
dimmed, vibrating its tiny filaments,
choices filtered through harmony.

There is no possibility
that does not collapse,
as cancer consumes you
like a thousand hungry worms.
We too burrow

to places thought firm. The Earth
remains hollow,
an apple without core,
our minds scooped clean.

The cycle repeats:
infinity to infinity
world without end,
as the theologians say--
like the graying sky,
light suffused with darkness,
shadows on a bright mirror.

~~~

Edit: Made some slight edits from Leanne's comments

From Leanne's surrealist exercise here: Thread

I just love "the harp of the world"

Maybe "as cancer consumes" and get rid of "your body"? Great line/stanza break on burrow. Would "apple sans core" on a line by itself be a bit too pretentious?

What about (as the theologians say) ?

Beautiful closing lines -- there's definitely a mood here, a little futility, a little liberation at the thought of not being actually that important in the scheme of the universe. Sorry to be brief, I'm in a bit of a rush, but I really enjoyed this.

Cool Leanne thanks. I think it's still pretty rough so I'll definitely consider the changes. It would take a lot for me to use "sans" though

Your exercise caused me to work in an entirely different way. It was a lot of fun.

Thanks for the comments.

---

I like the consumes and the as the theologians better...let me make those changes.

(12-13-2012, 07:02 AM)Todd Wrote:  This is the harp of the world, great opening line. wondered if harp of worlds would be better?
with a song that died before stars would dying work better? or are the vibrating filaments on a corpse?
dimmed, vibrating its tiny filaments,
choices filtered through harmony.

There is no possibility
that does not collapse, ive read this and the line above and i have no idea if it means they do or don't i love it. i know it says "all possibilities collapse" but i had to think about it
as cancer consumes you
like a thousand hungry worms. great line when used with the next. it does give an image of wormholes
We too burrow

to places thought firm. The Earth
remains hollow,
an apple without core,
our minds scooped clean. this feels cerebral but i'm not sure why

The cycle repeats:
infinity to infinity
world without end, reminds me of my rosary when i was child
as the theologians say--
like the graying sky,
light suffused with darkness,
shadows on a bright mirror.

~~~

Edit: Made some slight edits from Leanne's comments

From Leanne's surrealist exercise here: Thread

i liked how you tied fact/theory to religion but i got a bit lost in the 3rd stanza. wish i could have been of more help

I know Billy, me and double negatives. I appreciate the time and the comments.

"The harp of the world" is probably the most awesome way I've seen string theory described.

I think it's pretty great as is. The only thing that mildly stuck out for me was "a thousand hungry worms"... given the scales you've been dealing with throughout the poem, one thousand actually seems like a deliberate understatement by comparison. Maybe it's just me

Thanks Addy, I never would have come up with The harp line without Leanne's exercise. I'll give some thought to that thousand.

I appreciate the comments.

(12-13-2012, 07:02 AM)Todd Wrote:  This is the harp of the world,Sorry, leanne et al. Not for me. Furniture World, Leather World, World of Windows, Harp of the World. No.
with a song that died before starsPeople-song.....instrument-tune
dimmed, vibrating its tiny filaments,What?
choices filtered through harmony.What, what?

There is no possibility
that does not collapse,This is a Boris about which I could not fail to disagree with you less
as cancer consumes you
like a thousand hungry worms.A sudden leap from what was looking like a metaphysical start. You are being led by your Muse and she leaves a trail of discarded old near-cliches which yiu are greedily picking up and trying to use. The "thousand worm" death is much used....often by me!
We too burrowWe two burrow or we,too, burrow?

to places thought firm. The Earth
remains hollow, What! Who sez? A metaphor MUST clarify not obscure by mistruths.
an apple without core,
our minds scooped clean.Connect the following. A hollow earth, a coreless apple and a mind cleaned by scooping. It is not easy, todd. Not easyat all.

The cycle repeats:What cycle? I see no cycle
infinity to infinity
world without end,Gobbledygook to the end. Turtle on turtle all the waydown
as the theologians say--
like the graying sky,
light suffused with darkness,
shadows on a bright mirror."Turtle"

~~~

Edit: Made some slight edits from Leanne's comments

From Leanne's surrealist exercise here: Thread

Now I know a thing or two about surrealism....OK, the marijuana and Dali kind, but when it comes to poetic interpretation of the oftimes uninterpretable it is important that you make clear what you are CLEAR about. Imagery cannot be left entirely to the reader without simply dispensing with the poet. I was not left whimsically in thought reading this but was acutely aware that it was "formula" verse. I can speak freely on this because most of my efforts in this genre were GREAT when written but by just after breakfast were binned. Please remember that I am commenting on JUST this piece and NOT on your efforts, todd. The subject is difficult to handle.....E A.Poe struggled with it all his life and nly managed a couple of convincingly readable works in this genre. LIGEIA comes to mind.
But see, amid the mimic rout
A crawling shape intrude!
A blood-red thing that writhes from out
The scenic solitude!
It rithes!-It writhes!-with mortal pangs
The mimes become its food,
And the seraphs sob at vermin fangs
In human gore imbued.

Oh hell tectak, I know you're just commenting on the piece. I appreciate it. This was a different way to write something, and I know I'll be tweaking it for years if it survives.

Thanks for the time spent and the feedback.