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my bad October suicide poem
I cling to a crag with anxious hands,
balanced on cliffs aloft forlorn lands.
The ugly world beneath me calls,
I watch atop the mountain walls.
If I leaped, and like a rock should fall,
would I truly make a sound at all
with no one nearby
to hear?
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
Posts: 2,351
Threads: 228
Joined: Oct 2010
Chris,
I know we're all writing to theme, but I do like this. I think your poem though starts with S3. That is actually a great observation. The tree falls in the woods meets suicide. I think I'd cut the first two strophes and rename the poem:
Does It Make a Sound
or
Do I Make a Sound
Nice write,
Todd
(10-16-2013, 09:43 PM)ChristopherSea Wrote: my bad October suicide poem
I cling to a crag with anxious hands,
balanced on cliffs aloft forlorn lands.
The ugly world beneath me calls,
I watch atop the mountain walls.
If I leaped, and like a rock should fall,
would I truly make a sound at all
with no one nearby
to hear?
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
Posts: 845
Threads: 57
Joined: Aug 2013
(10-16-2013, 10:34 PM)Todd Wrote: Chris,
I know we're all writing to theme, but I do like this. I think your poem though starts with S3. That is actually a great observation. The tree falls in the woods meets suicide. I think I'd cut the first two strophes and rename the poem:
Does It Make a Sound
or
Do I Make a Sound
Nice write,
Todd
(10-16-2013, 09:43 PM)ChristopherSea Wrote: my bad October suicide poem
I cling to a crag with anxious hands,
balanced on cliffs aloft forlorn lands.
The ugly world beneath me calls,
I watch atop the mountain walls.
If I leaped, and like a rock should fall,
would I truly make a sound at all
with no one nearby
to hear?
Thanks Todd. I tried to put some sort of hook on the end of my silly suicide poem. Perhaps, I'll take your advice and develop this into something more serious.
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris