Poetry and Seduction

[tectak]

We were children, short on life. We knew you well, we heard you name.
D’Annunzio! D’Annunzio! We called out like the geese disturbed; and then the soldiers came.
We ran to papa, climbed the steps, in white soap-scented gowns, we leaned
out from our ballatoio of black-cracked iron … to see you leave. We seemed
to sense the air turn thick; the clamour from the crowds fell still. A fusillade!
The clatter threw us back into our shuttered rooms… and there we stayed.

We heard the cheers yet hid beneath the pillows of our beds.
D’Annunzio, d’ Annunzio! What crimes you carried high that day; the Heads
of State were turned away. Then they looked, through eyes of goats, and saw a slit of war.
Our papa stumbled to your side; the stairs were leapt, the call to arms, a roar.
Fiume sucked away our breath, while he your crimson chariot chased;
heaped with flowers, people say, more like a hearse, but for its haste.

The straggled cortege clustered close to “touch the greatness”, mama said.
What good, we thought, had come from this, our father gone, as good as dead?
We thought we heard the church bells chime and knew we’d lost you to Cockaigne.
That night we hugged, how mama cried, we never saw papa again.

D’Annunzio, d’Annunzio! We shed our tears to purge your lie!
Forgiveness waned with learning years;
though words you gave the world in rhyme,
rose high above our infant fears.
I lived in anger, cursed your time,
I curse your name…now I can die.


Tectak
2013

[Truerenigma]

We were children, short on life. We knew you well, we heard you name.Good oppening, it allows the reader to relate to the characters.
D’Annunzio! D’Annunzio! We called out like the geese disturbed; and then the soldiers came. I like this, now we know the name, and get an idea as to what this is about.
We ran to papa, climbed the steps, in white soap-scented gowns, we leaned The enjambments/line breaks of this line (and the following line) feel forced, and the rhymes are swallowed up, unless I break rhythm when reading out loud (pausing mid-thought to emphazise for rhyme).
out from our ballatoio of black-cracked iron … to see you leave. We seemed
to sense the air turn thick; the clamour from the crowds fell still. A fusillade!
The clatter threw us back into our shuttered rooms… and there we stayed.

We heard the cheers yet hid beneath the pillows of our beds. I like this good image, it's easy to relate to, hiding your head under the pillow to muffle the noise outside.
D’Annunzio, d’ Annunzio! What crimes you carried high that day; the Heads here I can pause, heads can go so many different ways, are heads gonna roll? Might these crimes be executions?
of State were turned away. Then they looked, through eyes of goats, and saw a slit of war. Slit? Goats? Maybe eyes half closed, like slits, but I don't know how goats hold their eyes, so I don't know if it works both ways.
Our papa stumbled to your side; the stairs were leapt, the call to arms, a roar. the "call to arms", although cliche, works here I think, but is it really the ony/best option?
Fiume sucked away our breath, while he your crimson chariot chased; Now you KNOW I love the word choice to start this line. Was that a typo, or fancy word for fumes? Brilliant. But I don't know about "while he your crimson chariot".
heaped with flowers, people say, more like a hearse, but for its haste.

The straggled cortege clustered close to “touch the greatness”, mama said.
What good, we thought, had come from this, our father gone, as good as dead? I think "fathers" plural would be stronger, the cries of the people, rather than just person(s).
We thought we heard the church bells chime and knew we’d lost you to Cockaigne.
That night we hugged, how mama cried, we never saw papa again.
that is, if you could integrate it here. Trust me, if you could accomplish this, it could be very powerful...
D’Annunzio, d’Annunzio! We shed our tears to purge your lie!
Forgiveness waned with learning years;
though words you gave the world in rhyme,
rose high above our infant fears.
I lived in anger, cursed your time,
I curse your name…now I can die.
"..We lived in anger, cursed your time,
I curse your name..now I can die."

Tectak
2013

Well structured in its form and progression. I like it.
Yes, I know Fiume is not a typo, or a fancy word for fumes.

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I would like to add though, that I don't really understand the title. I feel like I'm missing something, but I have a small idea (of what it may mean) that interests me.. Would it be possible to get you to explain it to me?

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[tectak]

We were children, short on life. We knew you well, we heard you name.Good oppening, it allows the reader to relate to the characters.
D’Annunzio! D’Annunzio! We called out like the geese disturbed; and then the soldiers came. I like this, now we know the name, and get an idea as to what this is about.
We ran to papa, climbed the steps, in white soap-scented gowns, we leaned The enjambments/line breaks of this line (and the following line) feel forced, and the rhymes are swallowed up, unless I break rhythm when reading out loud (pausing mid-thought to emphazise for rhyme).
out from our ballatoio of black-cracked iron … to see you leave. We seemed
to sense the air turn thick; the clamour from the crowds fell still. A fusillade!
The clatter threw us back into our shuttered rooms… and there we stayed.

We heard the cheers yet hid beneath the pillows of our beds. I like this good image, it's easy to relate to, hiding your head under the pillow to muffle the noise outside.
D’Annunzio, d’ Annunzio! What crimes you carried high that day; the Heads here I can pause, heads can go so many different ways, are heads gonna roll? Might these crimes be executions?
of State were turned away. Then they looked, through eyes of goats, and saw a slit of war. Slit? Goats? Maybe eyes half closed, like slits, but I don't know how goats hold their eyes, so I don't know if it works both ways.
Our papa stumbled to your side; the stairs were leapt, the call to arms, a roar. the "call to arms", although cliche, works here I think, but is it really the ony/best option?
Fiume sucked away our breath, while he your crimson chariot chased; Now you KNOW I love the word choice to start this line. Was that a typo, or fancy word for fumes? Brilliant. But I don't know about "while he your crimson chariot".
heaped with flowers, people say, more like a hearse, but for its haste.

The straggled cortege clustered close to “touch the greatness”, mama said.
What good, we thought, had come from this, our father gone, as good as dead? I think "fathers" plural would be stronger, the cries of the people, rather than just person(s).
We thought we heard the church bells chime and knew we’d lost you to Cockaigne.
That night we hugged, how mama cried, we never saw papa again.
that is, if you could integrate it here. Trust me, if you could accomplish this, it could be very powerful...
D’Annunzio, d’Annunzio! We shed our tears to purge your lie!
Forgiveness waned with learning years;
though words you gave the world in rhyme,
rose high above our infant fears.
I lived in anger, cursed your time,
I curse your name…now I can die.
"..We lived in anger, cursed your time,
I curse your name..now I can die."

Tectak
2013

Well structured in its form and progression. I like it.
Yes, I know Fiume is not a typo, or a fancy word for fumes.

---

I would like to add though, that I don't really understand the title. I feel like I'm missing something, but I have a small idea (of what it may mean) that interests me.. Would it be possible to get you to explain it to me?

---

............

Hi true,
We visit Lake Garda often. D'annunzio's self-obsessed memorial hillside is out back of the Grande Hotel, where we stay. I talked a whole lot about d'annunzio when in Italy. Feelings are very mixed. The two most significant characteristics of the man, from a very typical italian male perspective are that he was a great seducer and a great poet. That he was a bastard, a war-mongerer, a fascist and a serial rapist, abuser and bully is of no consequence now.
The "crimson Chariot" is his scarlet Fiat which he rode in arrogant triumph into Fiume. It was loaded with flowers. Ironic, really.
He "converted" Fiume into a "dukedom" of Xanadu proportions where for a while the anarchists, cocaine addicts, prostitutes, poets and facists had a gay old time...until the Italians blasted the shit out of the place!
It is a great story.
I actually wrote the outline for this sitting on the deck of a land trapped MTB sort of thing , in his garden. You can google it. Why now? Well, they've just arrested Stuart Hall
Goat eyes, "orbo de Capra" or "occhio di capra" is my slant on the Italian insult to government officials; they are all goats, they see through the eyes of goats. A goat's eye has a horizontal slit of a pupil which makes them seem to see only a slit of the world around them. That is all but it is work in progress. Thank you for your comments. Rest assured all will be considered. I think there is a way to go with this, particularly with the stitching in of the enjambments. I usually start a rhyming piece with rhymes....then tackle everything else. It can take months
Best,
Tectak

[tectak]

Seducer

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http://m.guardiannews.com/books/2013/feb...phy-review

Thanks for the mini-eulogy, true. Not deserved but well received
I will look particularly at that inversion. I keep thinking I can get away with the device because I speak that way, sometimes.
Best,
tectak
PS I read The Pike when it was first released this year but did not find it an easy read. It is opinionated and long...the two characteristics I normally avoid in written work. D'annunzio's story is, regardless, worryingly fascinating. I tried in this to create the antidote to the book

[Truerenigma]

Yeah. I'm not a fan myself, but, yes, in the interest of being historically aware, it was just one of those things that had to be read.