coughing up blood in the morning

[serge gurkski]

(I won't say a word. Billy scares me shh Milo: we must talk the poem. I'm off and out ,-))

[heslopian]

Coughing up Blood in the Morning

Bleak extracts of morning I love the phrase "bleak extracts".
ushered out of smoky lungs, "Ushered" is great too. This poem's success, I think, rests on its simple but perfect word choice.

to exit via lips,
and fall no lower than the ground. A clever, subtle line, emphasising hard reality.

Small metallic streaks of red
among the normal junk. What is the "normal junk"?

Mortality in mucus, Great line.
washed away by tears of clouds. I think the poem would be more effective and memorable if it ended on "mortality in mucus". This last line feels a bit fancy and self-indulgent somehow.

The second half of the poem is more abstract than the first, and the first has a stronger impact, I think. All critique is JMHO, of course. Thanks for the read