a pleaser

[orisa1991]

Never could have said no,
Emotional reflex,
Ever a pleaser.

Suspicious eyes,
For rapists are everywhere,
I can't even refuse the cashier's
Sales of the day.

I have shrunken into a little ball.
Gravity and the kicking of children
Have made my path,
Down the boulevard.

I found a way to make it
Less scary,
Discovered that if I gaze downward,
People just don’t notice.
So I became best friends with the ground.

I have shrunken into a little ball.
Gravity and the kicking of children
Have made my path,
Down the boulevard.

[Ehud]

The idea of gravity ruling a withdrawn and submissive person is good but I do not see where the kicking of children plays in.

[heslopian]

Never could have said no,
Emotional reflex,
Ever a pleaser. Good punchy rhythm in this verse. Are the capitals at the beginning of each line needed?

Suspicious eyes,
For rapists are everywhere, "Rapists" pops up out of nowhere and comes as a real shock, given the lulling rhythm so far, which I'm not sure is a good thing. Maybe a less aggressive word, like "assailents", would fit in better?
I can't even refuse the cashier's
Sales of the day. I have trouble refusing them too, though as I'm po' white trash I have no choice

I have shrunken into a little ball.
Gravity and the kicking of children Woah woah woah, why is the narrator kicking children?
Have made my path, Is this comma needed?
Down the boulevard.

I found a way to make it
Less scary,
Discovered that if I gaze downward, Is this comma needed?
People just don’t notice.
So I became best friends with the ground. Great line. Funny, yet poignant.

I have shrunken into a little ball. Good use of repitition, though the repeating of the rest of S3 is less effective. Maybe the poem would be stronger if it ended on this line?
Gravity and the kicking of children
Have made my path,
Down the boulevard.

My critique is, of course, JMHO. This poem conveys the pain of crippling shyness with genuine power. Thanks for the read

[serge gurkski]

fine stuff. I mostly agree with Heslopian ( re capitals e.g and also re "rapists").

Concerning the "kicking of children", I think the poet meant to say that the children are being kicked.
Maybe just an unfortunate phrasing?

The formatting of the text (center) distracts a bit from the message / content.

cheers
serge

[orisa1991]

hey everyone, thanks for your coments. english isn't my mother tongue so as for the capitals ill take your word for it that its not nessecary
Gravity and the kicking of children - i ment to say that i became a ball, without any control over my life, and my path was made by gravity and some children who ciked me one way or the other, as if it was a game.
as for ther rapists - i ment to describe the filling that everyday normal exprienses to other fills like rape to me when i cant even refuse the cashier, so i want it to shock u because thats how it fells like

[KICKBACK]

Never could have said no,
Emotional reflex,
Ever a pleaser.

Suspicious eyes,
For rapists are everywhere,
I can't even refuse the cashier's
Sales of the day.

I have shrunken into a little ball.
Gravity and the kicking of children
Have made my path,
Down the boulevard.

I found a way to make it
Less scary,
Discovered that if I gaze downward,
People just don’t notice.
So I became best friends with the ground.

I have shrunken into a little ball.
Gravity and the kicking of children
Have made my path,
Down the boulevard.

I imagine this poem is about a babysitter, someone like that. only thing the babysitter is afraid to take the kids out anywhere. maybe because of some sort of trauma the babysitter has, holding her away from the outside world, especially other adults. Perhaps she was raped before, and she can't trust anyone. In fact, now that I think about it, maybe she blames herself for a rape because she never could tell the person, "no." "Ever a pleaser."

"Gravity" I feel could be that she wants to take the kids out to the park or down the boulevard, because kids want to play. But the babysitter is too afraid. But it seems she has found a way to be there for the kids. She has no self-confidence, but she loves the children so much, that the only way she could take them out to play is by staring at the ground, so no one notices her and turning into a little ball so the children can kick her around and on down the boulevard. She does it for the kids so that they can play. Basically the kids are saying "take us this way! or I want that!" and she can't help but tell them, "okay. yes."

Well that's my interpretation. As always, keep writing.

[orisa1991]

Never could have said no,
Emotional reflex,
Ever a pleaser.

Suspicious eyes,
For rapists are everywhere,
I can't even refuse the cashier's
Sales of the day.

I have shrunken into a little ball.
Gravity and the kicking of children
Have made my path,
Down the boulevard.

I found a way to make it
Less scary,
Discovered that if I gaze downward,
People just don’t notice.
So I became best friends with the ground.

I have shrunken into a little ball.
Gravity and the kicking of children
Have made my path,
Down the boulevard.

I imagine this poem is about a babysitter, someone like that. only thing the babysitter is afraid to take the kids out anywhere. maybe because of some sort of trauma the babysitter has, holding her away from the outside world, especially other adults. Perhaps she was raped before, and she can't trust anyone. In fact, now that I think about it, maybe she blames herself for a rape because she never could tell the person, "no." "Ever a pleaser."

"Gravity" I feel could be that she wants to take the kids out to the park or down the boulevard, because kids want to play. But the babysitter is too afraid. But it seems she has found a way to be there for the kids. She has no self-confidence, but she loves the children so much, that the only way she could take them out to play is by staring at the ground, so no one notices her and turning into a little ball so the children can kick her around and on down the boulevard. She does it for the kids so that they can play. Basically the kids are saying "take us this way! or I want that!" and she can't help but tell them, "okay. yes."

Well that's my interpretation. As always, keep writing.

thank you so much for letting me see this side of the poam

[serge gurkski]

hey everyone, thanks for your coments. english isn't my mother tongue so as for the capitals ill take your word for it that its not nessecary
Gravity and the kicking of children - i ment to say that i became a ball, without any control over my life, and my path was made by gravity and some children who ciked me one way or the other, as if it was a game.
as for ther rapists - i ment to describe the filling that everyday normal exprienses to other fills like rape to me when i cant even refuse the cashier, so i want it to shock u because thats how it fells like

"rapists"
Yes, that's understood, but you use the word metaphorically. well heslopian can it explain to you surely betterthan I. ,-)

(just let me add: yes, it is very painful and traumatizing to be treated like that)

cheers

serge

[orisa1991]

so i made some changes, i didn't change rapist to assailant because when you do somwthing aginst yporwill its not an a assault its a rape.

ever a pleaser

Never could have said no
emotional reflex
ever a pleaser

Suspicious eyes
for rapists are everywhere
I can't even refuse the cashier's
sales of the day

I have shrunken into a little ball
gravity and the kicking of children
have made my path
down the boulevard

I found a way to make it
less scary
discovered that if I gaze downward
people just don’t notice
so I became best friends with the ground.

I have shrunken into a little ball

[serge gurkski]

it differs from language to language. Would you write in German, I would agree with your definition. In English: no idea. Native speakers of English must respond to that and you.

cheers
serge

---

hey everyone, thanks for your coments. english isn't my mother tongue so as for the capitals ill take your word for it that its not nessecary
Gravity and the kicking of children - i ment to say that i became a ball, without any control over my life, and my path was made by gravity and some children who ciked me one way or the other, as if it was a game.
as for ther rapists - i ment to describe the filling that everyday normal exprienses to other fills like rape to me when i cant even refuse the cashier, so i want it to shock u because thats how it fells like

"as for ther rapists - i ment ...": you are aware of the fct thst this is a pun (does not mstter if it was so phrased intentionally.

ok, as to capitalising: you do not have to take anyone's word. who
told you that and why would it matter you, anyway?

whatever ,-)