Mirrored Hearts

[jonathan1787]

I speak to you
in the mirror
I am standing
here looking at you
looking endlessly
without a thought
without your soul
with a frozen heart
emotionless and blank
gazing even deeper
from that mirror
with no fire in those eyes
losing your life essence
with each breath you take
losing your grasp
the last of your hope
slips away like the wind
with each tear you shed
yet you continue
to stare at me
from the mirror
and I stare back
from my world
expecting to learn
your thoughts
your emotions
but I get nothing
you don’t speak
you just stare at me
with a blank face
listening to me
and I stare back
waiting for a response
something to go on
but nothing
not even a whisper
you are still here
looking at me
as if you are waiting
but why?
There is no one here
only us
we only have each other
we are here and yet
you push me away
my words fall before
reaching your ears
my fiery heart
unable to free yours
from its frozen grasp
my kiss
cannot reach your lips
and breathe new life
the light within me
fails to renew the hope
that you have lost
for me
for yourself
for us
what more can I do?
What more can I offer?
I have given you my all
we are two opposites
seeking to join as one
but this mirror
curses our souls
to be so close
and never
be able to merge
with one another
now the day is over
and there you are still
just as empty
and I’m still here
in front of you
waiting patiently
just as you are
we are never alone
we continue to meet again
everytime we look within
from inside our mirror.

[Heartafire]

I speak to you
in the mirror
I am standing
here looking at you
looking endlessly
without a thought
without your soul
with a frozen heart
emotionless and blank
gazing even deeper
from that mirror
with no fire in those eyes
losing your life essence
with each breath you take
losing your grasp
the last of your hope
slips away like the wind
with each tear you shed
yet you continue
to stare at me
from the mirror
and I stare back
from my world
expecting to learn
your thoughts
your emotions
but I get nothing
you don’t speak
you just stare at me
with a blank face
listening to me
and I stare back
waiting for a response
something to go on
but nothing
not even a whisper
you are still here
looking at me
as if you are waiting
but why?
There is no one here
only us
we only have each other
we are here and yet
you push me away
my words fall before
reaching your ears
my fiery heart
unable to free yours
from its frozen grasp
my kiss
cannot reach your lips
and breathe new life
the light within me
fails to renew the hope
that you have lost
for me
for yourself
for us
what more can I do?
What more can I offer?
I have given you my all
we are two opposites
seeking to join as one
but this mirror
curses our souls
to be so close
and never
be able to merge
with one another
now the day is over
and there you are still
just as empty
and I’m still here
in front of you
waiting patiently
just as you are
we are never alone
we continue to meet again
everytime we look within
from inside our mirror.

Hi Jonathan, I think this has potential but could be condensed and a little "fire" added to hold the interest. Thank you!
best,
Heart

[jonathan1787]

Thank you for the insight...i will work on that...^_^

[YaMarVa]

The structure was too choppy for me to have kept reading it farther along, even though the theme of 'yourslef reflected in the mirror' is interesting.

[jonathan1787]

The structure was too choppy for me to have kept reading it farther along, even though the theme of 'yourslef reflected in the mirror' is interesting.

Ok...so less chopping...got it...thanks...^_^