Society

[LeKoda]

Huemans

The truth back then,
Is that colors were under a tense rein.
All were separate and divided,
Like a simple math question was provided.
Today though people can express their hues,
Even to the people in the pews.
We should be known as huemans,
The new and improved version that conquered the ruemans.
The outlook of us today is ajar,
Instead of a tight foundation of tar.
Our old brothers and sisters were tormenting,
But today our individuality is relenting.
The colors today aren’t just of skin,
Or what you do to represent kin.
They are bright blues and greens,
For the wonderful new clean.
While dark blacks and reds,
Make life wake up the dead.
Our history can be represented in orange,
While purple represents the opening of a new door hinge.
Huemans radiate many hues,
Even the ill show specific cues.
The colors also help show that all people are the same.

[allykat727]

This was an interesting read! I thought it conveyed a vibrant message. My favorite line was "The colors today aren’t just of skin." Many of the lines besides this one, however, were a bit wordy. I think the piece can be improved if the ideas are expressed more concisely. For example:

Back then, colors
were under a tight rein.
All simple and divided,
a math question provided.

Other than that, there were places where I felt you only used a turn of phrase because it would rhyme. I LOVE how you rhymed orange with door hinge. I thought it was very clever. But the ideas didn't quite connect for me.

Also, I missed the ruemans reference. Only thing I can think is that you were referring to the Romans? Could just be my loss for not getting it

Overall a good job. Thanks for the read

[philoinlove]

I think your poem is too wordy. You are rhyming words that dont go together and sound forced... Also not enough concrete imagery.... I am not sure what you want me to feel when you say purple or blue... these words are subjective and can mean many different things to many different people.

[Volaticus]

I love the subject of the poem and some of the lines worked really well. But it's all a bit abstract. Many of the colors mentioned didn't make much sense to me. Maybe add some depth, some imagery to go with the colors, so it gets clear what you mean for them to represent.

[LeKoda]

Thanks for the tips! I will take these in consideration with next poem.