NaPM April 23 2013

[milo]

Rules: Write a poem for national poetry month on the topic or form described. Each poem should appear as a separate reply to this thread. The goal is to, at the end of the month have written 30 poems for National Poetry Month.

Topic 23: Write a "recipe" or "instructions" poem.
Form : any
Line requirements: 6 lines or more.

Questions?

[Todd]

How Not to Open Champagne

Place on a counter
kissed by summer.

Let dry like
fallen leaves.

Take James Bond's advice
on alcoholic agitation.

The bottle is like a telescope.
Look into the cork. Pretend to see guests.

Clench cork between incisors and pull
Teeth are nature's pliers.

[billy]

Preserves.

Strawberry's:
Cut 'em like emo,
boil 'em like lobster.
Sugar 'em like women,
cool 'em like Luke.
Eat em like jam.

[milo]

Cooking Rocks

The first step is to pace your nervous haste;
there's soda, spoons, and lighters in that box.
Mix water coke and soda in a paste;
(stop shaking now and calm your nervous haste)
if you can't wait, just make a little taste.
Melt. Then cool, then melt. Inhale the rocks.
Now close your eyes and feel your nervous haste.
There's soda, spoons and lighters in that box.

[NakedBear]

How to always get along with your spouse:

1) Interview all your prospective parents:
Do they have a five year plan?

2) When once you’ve grown and go to school,
attend your lessons and repeat, repeat, repeat
your lists until you’ve learned it all.

3) Go to college, or go to university
(are they the same? I wouldn’t know).
Or go to trade school, if you have good hands.

4) Party.

5) Get a job that pays well; one that can maintain
your (rather) expensive hobbies
(like collecting vintage dildos).

6) Laugh with friends and fuck often.

And when all these conditions are in place, then:

7) Don’t get married.

[cidermaid]

This one has been driving me nuts. For some reason I cannot get beyond making a list.

This one has not even made it as far as an ideas poem...sort of a pre-poem ideas list. Sorry will try and come back later, but want to try for 24th and now only have half an hour before work.

When your man is on a mission …
Make sure that you stand well clear of the immediate area.
Note, when the red mist has descended; Never make any attempt to obstruct.
The media has misled us all,
mission man will not stop mid mission to offer a tender embrace,
nor will he want to kiss when he only has so few hours to save the earth.
Do not try to distract or deter him… he is likely to flatten you as he runs past.
If in any doubt of status, offering praise and applause is standard safety procedure.


Mission man is convinced,that firstly,
any reasonable wife will know that this is an essential and perfectly proper proposition.
That secondly, it will be obvious, to any sensible person, to know that the implications of his project will be of national and probably international importance and that there in no doubt, that he is about save the entire known world from certain doom.

If in doubt of mission status, indicators are shown below:

Mission status yellow:
Does not make eye contact.
Underpants showing.
He is carrying anything*.

Mission status Orange:
Inability to focus on immediate area.
Increased activity in the shed or garage.
He has had a recent crew cut / Tattoo.
Reconnaissance is required at the D.I.Y store.
He is disassembling his favourite sports vehicle.

Mission status Red:
Totally glazed or a wild eyed look.
Excessive internet orders to a supplies company.
Desire to handle or hold highly flammable material.
He is reassembling a sports vehicle in the living room

*
A common mistake is to assume that mission man is in sleep mode,
if he is not exhibiting any obvious yellow status signals.
Any object can trigger a mission – never underestimate the simple.
An extra piece of cutlery requested for the table,
can, in extreme cases, be stimulus enough.

[milo]

This one has been driving me nuts. For some reason I cannot get beyond making a list.

what, you didn't want to just write a triolet about how to smoke crack?

[cidermaid]

I'm a simple country girl, if you mention smoke and crack in the same sentence I think I need to ring a builder to fix my fire place.

[milo]

yah, uh, me too . . .

[justcloudy]

The rule of ten

Use arm strength
to shake the bottle.
Unscrew, apply, 1 x 10
blow a bit, then ten again.
It’s okay to color
outside the lines.
Wrap kleenex strips
around tooth picks
and dip in remover,
erase colored skin.
Fingertip test—
if it comes back wet
you’ve a ten minute wait
before leaving your place.


can you guess what I did this morning? ;D

[cidermaid]

[/quote]

what, you didn't want to just write a triolet about how to smoke crack?
[/quote]

Just for you Milo...in my lunch break so sue me if not perfect IP, also not in keeping with the prompt for today

Getting the builder back to fix the smoking crack

Some smoke is drifting out a widening crack.
My efforts with expanding foam seem sad.
With nothing left except to ask him back;
Caus’ smoke is drifting from my widening crack.
I’ll ask him ‘De-coke and poke my black-
end burner’. Just the once, is not all bad.
Some smoke is drifting out a widening crack,
My efforts with expanding foam seem sad.

[milo]

what, you didn't want to just write a triolet about how to smoke crack?
[/quote]

Just for you Milo...in my lunch break so sue me if not perfect IP, also not in keeping with the prompt for today

Getting the builder back to fix the smoking crack




Caus’ smoke is drifting from my widening crack.
I’ll ask him ‘De-coke and poke my black-
end burner’.
[/quote]

this would have been worth it for these two lines alone. uproarious.