Better off Gone.

[Graemsay]

There’s the ones that you love, and the ones that you hate
There’s the people who care, and the people who fake
The people who hate, they hate cause its fun
But it always seems, the ones who love want to run
I’ve always tried, to keep all that I have
But in the end, my friendships get cut in half
The ones who say they love, just want a break
Because they’re fed up with you, and had all they can take
And sometimes you wonder, is this really the best
Or would your friends’ lives be better, if you packed up and left
You say to yourself, you need to be strong
You pack up and leave, because you’re better off gone

Any constructive criticism is appreciated

[Volaticus]

Hi there,
I think the poem has good potential, and I like what you want to convey.

L1-L3: Had a good flow, but then L4 threw me a bit off the flow. It seems a bit clumsy. The flow is kind of on and off, throughout.
L3: Should be 'it's'. Generally, I think the poem would benefit with some full stops here and there.
L7: Maybe a 'you' after 'love'. For better cohesiveness with the next line.
L8: Maybe a 'have' before 'had'.
L11: "you need to be strong" to me, sounded more like the person didn't leave. But then does so in the next line.

I think it could also benefit with some really strong images.

Some of your rhymes I enjoyed a lot

I hope I'm not sounding too critical. I really think this poem has potential And please take my comments with a grain of salt, as I'm only a novice poet and critic, so other people might have other opinions

Thanks for the read

[phrvshtumblr]

I liked the poem and the idea that you were expressing.
I felt as if the beginning of the poem flowed and just ran through my mind a lot easier than the middle where it kind of fell appart. I think it's because the first 4 lines rhymed so it was just skated through my mind.
I think that you could probably expand your vocabulary a bit more, because even though it was a little poem, i got a bit bored with the lack of variety.
I don't really know if I'm being too mean or not aha. I don't really know much about poetry so this is all opinion and no knowledge.
Good luck with your poems.

[sunfury]

I enjoyed your poem and the feelings expressed therein.

I felt like between lines 5 and 6 the flow of the poem was obstructed.

The poem has a fun rhyming scheme, but the subject matter isn't really cheerful. I think that can be fine and a good way to change perspective, but I think you could perhaps go a little deeper.

[Ajax]

I have to say that the rhyming scheme is really quite peculiar. That's not saying its bad, however it kind of threw me for a loop and (I feel) took away from the flow of the poem.