Mathematics for life

[Snags]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Below is a minor edit that incorporates the ones that chimed with my own ...


Minor edit

It is commonly held
that one plus one
equals two;
from two, three will
(usually)
follow, perhaps leading
to four or more.

Yet I would posit
done well
one plus one
becomes one
just bigger
and what may follow
is another day.



Original

It is commonly held
that one plus one
equals two
And from two three will
usually
follow, oft leading
to four or more

Yet I would posit
done well
one plus one
becomes one
just bigger
and what may follow
is another day

---

OK, I suppose I ought to chuck my hat in the ring. This was just a little plaything dashed off whilst working on something else a few weeks ago, so suitable for a toe in the water here

[Snags]

Thank you

[Volaticus]

Hi,
I adore your poem. It is so simple, and strong in execution. And I love the title :-)
- Volaticus

[UnicornRainbowCake]

This is one of those poems that you get to the end and think, 'wow, that has really made me think differently' - (Or is that just me?)

I'd make a few minor changes - I don't think that 'oft' and 'posit' fit in very well. Your poem works in the simplicity of explaining a deep idea with simple wording - I don't feel you need such words to keep the impact.

The title is great btw

My other criticism is perhaps adding full stops at the end of your stanzas, but that's just my viewpoint.

[Snags]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the feedback. Especially on the title, as that was something I was really unsure of; one of those "crap, it needs a title" things!

Amy interestingly the 'original' had full stops, and I took them out when I posted it here, based on a gut-feel moment; I think they'll work their way back in.

"Oft" and "posit" - I'll have a good think about those. I can see what you mean, although for me they do serve quite specific purposes of both rhythm and tone. I'll go away and play with some alternatives, see if I can find something that conveys the same meaning without being too long-winded or too prosaic. Thank you - just goes to show that there's always something you could tweak, even in a short piece

[karinane]

I really like this poem. Personally my favorites are usually short and simple in their structure, but convey a much bigger meaning and I think that this accomplishes that wonderfully. Like the other I, too, love the title. I also am not a huge fan of "oft" but I think that "posit" fits in with the mathematical/ academic theme. Maybe oft fits with that, too....I don't know. I don't have much critique though. You could tweak it a bit if you want, but personally I like it as is.

[Snags]

Thank you. I've been wracking my brain for an alternative to "oft" that doesn't change the meaning or upset something intangible - it is a bit poncey (but I can be a bit poncey in normal speech, so ...). Perhaps a "maybe"; "often" feels to close to "usually". I shall away to my garret with a stub of candle and sweat out some inspiration!

[rowens]

I agree with the sentiment here. Only that today is all the same day. It's just dark sometimes. From two, three will usually; if you want that comma.

Sometimes I'd like to rid the world of numbers. Destroy the mathematical imprint. Because math is never done well. But that's a war the fanatics will fight at some point.

[UnicornRainbowCake]

Thank you. I've been wracking my brain for an alternative to "oft" that doesn't change the meaning or upset something intangible - it is a bit poncey (but I can be a bit poncey in normal speech, so ...). Perhaps a "maybe"; "often" feels to close to "usually". I shall away to my garret with a stub of candle and sweat out some inspiration!

What I love about this poem is the simplicity of the idea, but the deep meaning it has. Swop 'oft' to 'as a rule'? 'generally?' Something not too complicated. It's in the simplicity of your words and structure that makes the real impact with the idea, I think.

[Sam33lynn]

I liked this poem! Although it is short, this poem makes deeper connections