Untitled haiku

[Volaticus]

This is my first attempt, so please bear with me :p


Decrepit woman,
Lifting sacks of the ample,
Cold is her splendor.

[milo]

This is my first attempt, so please bear with me :p


Decrepit woman,
Lifting sacks of the ample,
Cold is her splendor.

generally avoid any modification if you can. These depends on absolute perfect word choice so if you can distill, you do.

crone
lifts sacks
cold splendor

not a bad attempt though

milo

[billy]

This is my first attempt, so please bear with me :p


Decrepit woman,
Lifting sacks of the ample,
Cold is her splendor.

what is an ample

we all started with a first attempt so don't worry

[milo]

This is my first attempt, so please bear with me :p


Decrepit woman,
Lifting sacks of the ample,
Cold is her splendor.

generally avoid any modification if you can. These depends on absolute perfect word choice so if you can distill, you do.

crone
lifts sacks
cold splendor

not a bad attempt though

milo

now that I think of it:

crone
lifts sacks
august

this is better as crone is a seasonal reference to fall and august already means splendor.

[Volaticus]

Thanks for the response In not sure I quite understand what modification really means here. English is not my first language, and it seems to be a bit of an obstacle for me at times. Does modifications mean like ehm.. that it's not so good to use adjectives for nouns and verbs? Or am I way off here?

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I thought I had my seasonal reference in the word 'cold'..

[milo]

Thanks for the response In not sure I quite understand what modification really means here. English is not my first language, and it seems to be a bit of an obstacle for me at times. Does modifications mean like ehm.. that it's not so good to use adjectives for nouns and verbs? Or am I way off here?

---

I thought I had my seasonal reference in the word 'cold'..

as for the 'cold' I was referring to mine. I introduced crone which is fall.

actually, more true to the original

crone
heaves sacks
august

heaves implies both the lifting and the ample

Modifying - yes, describing your nouns and verbs, usually best to find a different noun or verb if you can.

[Volaticus]

Thanks, now I get it