Passion - Sonnet 3

[RobertWayne]

Passion makes this demanding foundation,
These bricks, often quite egotistical,
They stand without divine Supervision,
Although the Thought would be quite whimsical.

"But how?" They ask, as if They are in awe,
"You must," They say, "Submit," or "You are damned:
To the fire of its justice filled maw;
Or the sure aimlessness of a man, freed."

My response is that I am quite assured,
For confidence holds these bricks together,
But not faith, no, that had come and flowered
Long ago, and now I can move further.

Passion makes this demanding foundation,
And love, is good enough motivation.

Note: I wrote this in a sonnet form because the sonnet form is like a base (a foundation if you will) that I can just pour myself into, and make things like this. Any criticisms are greatly appreciated.

[Todd]

Hi Robert Wayne, welcome to the site!

I like your imagery around the bricks and building a foundation.

Here are a few comments for you to consider:

L8: your rhyme seems off here.

L11: flowered seems wrong for the building metaphor you're working with.

Ending couplet: love seemed to come out of nowhere. The sonnet needs to build more toward the conclusion.

You also have some phrasing that feel more like prose than you probably want like "my response is that.

There's more to get into, but I don't want to be overwhelming.

It's a good concept. I'd just look to stick with your guiding metaphor and substitute prosey elements with more imagery. After nailing the content you can work on smoothing the form.

Hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd

Passion makes this demanding foundation,
These bricks, often quite egotistical,
They stand without divine Supervision,
Although the Thought would be quite whimsical.

"But how?" They ask, as if They are in awe,
"You must," They say, "Submit," or "You are damned:
To the fire of its justice filled maw;
Or the sure aimlessness of a man, freed."

My response is that I am quite assured,
For confidence holds these bricks together,
But not faith, no, that had come and flowered
Long ago, and now I can move further.

Passion makes this demanding foundation,
And love, is good enough motivation.

Note: I wrote this in a sonnet form because the sonnet form is like a base (a foundation if you will) that I can just pour myself into, and make things like this. Any criticisms are greatly appreciated.

[softlyfalling]

It intrigues me that you chose your form to accentuate your intent...often that is satisfying even if too esoteric for most readers realize with a first reading.
I was expecting something about the Passion of Christ so I had to reorient from the outset. But, because you speak of the passion of love, the language is oddly impassioned and antithetical to the theme. The thoughts are insightful but so very detached from a state of fervor...unless this detachment is exactly what you intended. If this is true, then the denouement might actually be more focused on steadfast love juxtaposed to reckless passion.
In terms of the form and technicalities...I am going to hop on Todd's coattails and beg the issue.

[milo]

Passion makes this demanding foundation,
These bricks, often quite egotistical,
They stand without divine Supervision,
Although the Thought would be quite whimsical.

"But how?" They ask, as if They are in awe,
"You must," They say, "Submit," or "You are damned:
To the fire of its justice filled maw;
Or the sure aimlessness of a man, freed."

My response is that I am quite assured,
For confidence holds these bricks together,
But not faith, no, that had come and flowered
Long ago, and now I can move further.

Passion makes this demanding foundation,
And love, is good enough motivation.

Note: I wrote this in a sonnet form because the sonnet form is like a base (a foundation if you will) that I can just pour myself into, and make things like this. Any criticisms are greatly appreciated.

You could turn it into an actual sonnet easily enough like so:

A Passion makes this cosmetic foundation,
These bricks, are often egotistical,
They stand without divine interpretation,
Although the Thought would be quite whimsical.

"But how?" They ask, as if They are in awe,
"You must," They say, "Submit," or "You are damned:
It's "To the fire" or "justice filled my ma";
Or "yes, I know the copier is jammed."

But my response is that I am assured,
For confidence will hold these bricks together,
and faith is not a fish that can be lured.
nor strapped to boats and anchored with a tether.

Passion is a messy demonstration,
And love is not enough for motivation.

As to the meaning? I can't tell as the poem is filled with abstractions. Try to pick a single concept and develop imagery to draw your reader in.

HTH

HAND

milo