From dirty kitchens to hospital beds.

[newsclippings]

I actually thought about this one. Help a sista out.

Fifteen seconds ago I thought we were all hard, viscid,
red water spewing deteriorating sink membranes
through golden, amber, caramel, mahogany remains.

.

Reacquainted with death, I am
seeking daylight in folded shades
plucking voices, eardrum to spades.

[NakedBear]

I actually thought about this one. Help a sista out.

Fifteen seconds ago I thought we were all hard, viscid,
red water spewing deteriorating sink membranes
through golden, amber, caramel, mahogany remains.

I can see everything but the sink. How does that fit? Otherwise very vivid, and grotesque too (in a good way). EDIT: duh! kitchen! Still, sink and membrane seems a weird image to me, but may just be an unfamiliarity with such a thing.

.

Reacquainted with death I am,
seeing daylight in folded shades
plucking voices, eardrum to spades.

Speaker is in the grip of death, and is fading out fast? But maybe she'll recover, since this isn't her first brush with man's old friend?

That's the impression I'm getting.

You could drop "I am", I think, and end S2 L1 with a period. Or, put a period between 'death' and 'I'. As it is, "I am" sounds a bit hokey to me.

It's a well painted picture of death and dying, I think. Short, and effective.

Mikey.

[Leanne]

I agree with Mikey about "I am" sounding odd as it is -- although if you stuck a comma before it, you would actually get some meaning shift with the enjambment (it could be read "reacquainted with death, I am/ seeing daylight" or "reacquainted with death, I am seeing daylight".

The colours of the remains -- such unusual adjectives for body bits, this works really well for me.

The last line is terrific.

[newsclippings]

I like the suggestion with the comma, it makes much more sense.

thank you guys

[Keith]

I actually thought about this one. Help a sista out.

Fifteen seconds ago I thought we were all hard, viscid,
red water spewing deteriorating sink membranes
through golden, amber, caramel, mahogany remains.

.

Reacquainted with death, I am
seeing daylight in folded shades
plucking voices, eardrum to spades.

hi Newsclippings
I read this as the loss of an unborn child perhaps a second miscarrage and waking in a hospital bed listening to the muffled voices. the fist stanza is gritty and spits out the lines as though in pain, the last is quiet and soft as though in bed, very well crafted and a great ending. Hope I'm not too far off track.

or and accident at home realising your own mortality watching the blood mingle in the sink in the flow of the tap then waking in a hospital bed listening to the muffled voices. I prefer the first one so thats how I will read it. Thanks TOMH

[NakedBear]

The colours of the remains -- such unusual adjectives for body bits, this works really well for me.

I agree. Beautiful colours that evoke the sense of cleanliness when on their own, yet are also perfect in capturing the colour of human decay.

Is it odd that I've returned to read this verse over and again?

Mikey.

[newsclippings]

I like how you guys are imagining the colors.
But really I was describing different skin tones.


Having them explain decay, well that's just more than I can hope for... I love having other people interpret my poem. :]

-S