Doe

[softlyfalling]

I am not permitted to delete, it seems

[cidermaid]

Hi,
I liked the initial read for the gentle nature images, but then when it came down to savouring the individual words and lines I found myself faltering on a couple of the lines.

For example L2, to my reading, fleshed out says; The [her] rhythmic flow, makes a swift comment, or observation [concerning] her heartbeat. I'm sorry but this line has not reached me in terms of presenting an image I can get hold of.
Then again in L4 I struggled because I did not understand the reference to the Mandela moon. Of course this might just be me being dense...it happens ...frequently. I was trying to make this an image of being free in body and spirit, but was not convinced I had this right.
So to sum up I really wanted to like this one as I'm a sucker for any nature images. I liked lines 1& 3. Loved L 5. I enjoyed the sound of L4 and the idea of the image, but was left a little lost as to the meaning.
Thanks for sharing and value & appreciate all the other posts you have been making on the site.
All the best AJ.

[softlyfalling]

Thank you AJ...I could write a lengthy explanation of the imagery I used, and the vocabulary and syntax I used to create my chosen images, but, in the end, if I have to explain it...well, the whole endeavor devolves into a frustrating and decidedly disillusioning state. For instance...cadence remarks her heartbeat means, precisely...the rhythm of her footsteps matches the rhythm of her heart...remarks being used to connote a reflective observation. THEN, comes the argument about whether this infrequent connotation is viable (I stand by it)...THEN comes the same trouble with my interpretation of cadence etc etc etc
Mandela moon is just the moon, the moon that makes her fur glisten that is shaped like a mandala...
sigh

[cidermaid]

All's good...don't worry and no need to sigh.
When I first joined I got awfully frustrated about people / readers having to understand exactly what I wrote and why and to argue the case for every jot and dot. (I often still want to). However, there was a spate of discussions concerning this obsession and compulsion and following this I was won over to the idea that once a poem is made public it is in the eye, ear and understanding of the reader to interpret the poem.
It might well be that I was being slow here, (so for example Oh!...the instrument not the person!, this is now obvious, but reading it cold this did not come to me), or it might be the case that the images do not translate as well on the page as they do in the mind of the writer. (As a reader I actually liked the image of the doe being free in body and spirit as she picks her way through the covering shadows to avoid being seen in the moonlight...this has a stronger resonance for me in terms of my knowledge of watching the roe deer on the farm, than that of the relevance of the shape of the moon. I was happy in this image and enjoyed the read based on this).
So I suppose this is an ongoing question for all poets to wrestle with:- Is it essential that I (the reader) need to subscribe to the image you (the write) had in mind when you wrote the poem or should we allow the words to be set free from our own limitations and stand or fall on the power they contain to convey an image or an idea to each individual reader?)

This comment is not made in anyway as an aggressive or snippy comeback but rather I hope, as i intended it to be, is simply passing on what for me was an enlightening and positive thought about the art of poetry, on my path of discovery and pleasure that has been my experience on this site.
At the end of the day I am still new to all of this. (Todd recently commented that he had been at this poetry lark for some 22yrs...on that basis, what do I know, I'm still a poetry puppy!)...all I can do is offer an opinion or what I hope is constructive feedback. So in this spirit, it is my hope that I have managed to comunicate with grace and clarity the help that was offered to me concerning the delicate subject of what others make, or in some cases don't make of your poems.
All the best AJ.

[softlyfalling]

Thank you AJ....your words are comforting and enlightening....I had to stop and wonder, after reading this, why I feel so vulnerable and defensive when I sincerely believe in the right of every human to hold whatever thoughts and emotions they desire- whatever defines and guides them. As usual, it all flows backward, back into that personal Hell I thought I had banished.
BUT
Knowing this is like wearing armor. Inside the armor, I remain steadfastly me and always safe, so let the comments roll!

[cidermaid]

Hi,
I always find stories like yours truly inspirational; I am rooting in your corner. (I think you will find many others on this site who have had unfortunate experiences and have found a place to call home in this community where they are allowed to be themselves....the Mods are generally very good at steering the ship when the crew gets a little uppity with each other, so everyone can be themselves relax in this, the only rule is that we play nice!).

Re the last line of your message...that sounds like a poem working its way out if you ask me. Perhaps when you are ready to hold the pen (or give your fingers free rein over the keyboard - whichever is your creative medium) this will be another healthy release and possibly a fine poem. To my ear its is called "Let the comments roll" (or was it "Knowing this"). What do I know...this will be your poem to name and launch down the slipway.

All the best AJ.

[softlyfalling]

Hi,
I always find stories like yours truly inspirational; I am rooting in your corner. (I think you will find many others on this site who have had unfortunate experiences and have found a place to call home in this community where they are allowed to be themselves....the Mods are generally very good at steering the ship when the crew gets a little uppity with each other, so everyone can be themselves relax in this, the only rule is that we play nice!).

Re the last line of your message...that sounds like a poem working its way out if you ask me. Perhaps when you are ready to hold the pen (or give your fingers free rein over the keyboard - whichever is your creative medium) this will be another healthy release and possibly a fine poem. To my ear its is called "Let the comments roll" (or was it "Knowing this"). What do I know...this will be your poem to name and launch down the slipway.

All the best AJ.

This whole message lightened my world! It brought a thought into my head...perhaps inspiration is like happiness, and forms an eternal circle, perpetuating and self-perpetuating.