Awaiting

[softlyfalling]

I am not permitted to delete, it seems

[NakedBear]

Consecrated, sanctified: I thought this was a betrothal to Jesus, at first. But unless you fancy him more peppy than I do, I think not. Rather she's waiting for someone she's bound to in the eyes of God?

'endures beyond the advent of palest morning'

At first 'rite' seems obvious in meaning, but then this line makes its meaning a little more uncertain. But only till the last line, which I like quite a bit. Modest, yet not at all. Romantic, but alluding to baseness.

You could put a colon at the end of L3, and a period at the end of L6.

All in all, I thought it pretty good. To me, there doesn't seem anything to add or remove (possibly I'm a naive critic with not enough experience).

Mikey.

[softlyfalling]

Mikey...thank you. You are absolutely right about those punctuation errors...I appreciate that a lot. I love how you so "got" it!

[newsclippings]

I feel like you can do better with the ending.
The last two lines aren't as jarring as I'd expect them to be. The content at first made me want something terrible or happy to happen. I don't know I may be just babbling.

[softlyfalling]

newsclippings: um, naked is pretty nice and "dance" is euphemistic for sex...kinda a happy thing, don't you agree?

[newsclippings]

not happy enough. more action. put some pictures in my head.

[softlyfalling]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm......I will post one of those, just for you....look for it, the title is Comme Un Violon