03-19-2013, 07:44 AM
So I haven't written a real poem before, last time I wrote any poetry was 3rd grade. However my girlfriend has asked me to write her a poem so I gave it a whirl. Does this even sound anything like a poem?
From the moment your eyes catch glimpse of gods stunning creation
You have an instantaneous and overwhelming feeling
A feeling that you might not understand at first
But one day you will realize this feeling has made you love her
More than you ever thought possible, a love so deep that it will
Always be in your heart, her love makes you feel more than lucky,
It makes you feel invincible and your only kryptonite is the fear of
Ever losing her from your life.
Sometimes you might even wonder if she really is an angel, how else could
Someone be so sweet, so caring, so positive and let’s not forget so beautiful.
She is like a girl from a song; her eyes truly are as magnificent as a million diamonds
Reflecting in the sunlight, when she stops and smiles the whole world truly does stop
And stare for a while; every little thing that makes her who she is, is beautiful
She is the eighth wonder of the world, an angle from heaven, a blessing in my life and
Everyone’s lives she touches.
Over time your love will grow so strong with her that you will do anything for her,
You will love her like god does, unconditionally.
This love will grow so strong you will become addicted to it, there will be nothing
In the universe that can break this addiction so you just pray every night that you
Can continue to love her till your very last day.
Edit:
Grace
From the moment your eyes catch glimpse of gods stunning creation
You have an instantaneous and overwhelming feeling
A celestial feeling that you cannot quite apprehend at first
But one day, one moment, one event, will cause you to realize,
That this very feeling has made you love her
More than you ever dreamed possible, a love so deep and magnificent that it will
Always be in your heart, her love makes you feel more than lucky,
It makes you feel invincible and your only kryptonite is the fear of
Ever losing her from your life. The thought of spending your lives together
Brings you more happiness than any feeling on earth, a smile that you can
Never rid yourself of, your heart starts beating uncontrollably like driving down an old dirt road.
Sometimes you might even wonder if she truly is an angel, how else could
Someone be so sweet, so caring, so positive and let’s not forget so beautiful.
She is like a girl from a song; her eyes truly are as magnificent as a million diamonds
Reflecting in the sunlight, when she stops and smiles the whole world truly does stop
And stare for a while; every little thing that makes her who she is, is beautiful
She is the eighth wonder of the world, an angle from heaven, a blessing in my life and
Everyone’s lives she touches.
Over time your love will grow so strong with her that you will do anything for her,
You will love her like god does, unconditionally.
This love will grow so strong you will become addicted to it, there will be nothing
In the universe that can break this addiction so you just pray every night that you
Can continue to love her till your very last day. She’s on your mind every moment of
Every day, you wish you could be with her every second of your life. You may start out dating
But you quickly realize that you have to have a relationship, a lifelong bond,
You can no longer imagine a future without her.
From the moment your eyes catch glimpse of gods stunning creation
You have an instantaneous and overwhelming feeling
A feeling that you might not understand at first
But one day you will realize this feeling has made you love her
More than you ever thought possible, a love so deep that it will
Always be in your heart, her love makes you feel more than lucky,
It makes you feel invincible and your only kryptonite is the fear of
Ever losing her from your life.
Sometimes you might even wonder if she really is an angel, how else could
Someone be so sweet, so caring, so positive and let’s not forget so beautiful.
She is like a girl from a song; her eyes truly are as magnificent as a million diamonds
Reflecting in the sunlight, when she stops and smiles the whole world truly does stop
And stare for a while; every little thing that makes her who she is, is beautiful
She is the eighth wonder of the world, an angle from heaven, a blessing in my life and
Everyone’s lives she touches.
Over time your love will grow so strong with her that you will do anything for her,
You will love her like god does, unconditionally.
This love will grow so strong you will become addicted to it, there will be nothing
In the universe that can break this addiction so you just pray every night that you
Can continue to love her till your very last day.
Edit:
Grace
From the moment your eyes catch glimpse of gods stunning creation
You have an instantaneous and overwhelming feeling
A celestial feeling that you cannot quite apprehend at first
But one day, one moment, one event, will cause you to realize,
That this very feeling has made you love her
More than you ever dreamed possible, a love so deep and magnificent that it will
Always be in your heart, her love makes you feel more than lucky,
It makes you feel invincible and your only kryptonite is the fear of
Ever losing her from your life. The thought of spending your lives together
Brings you more happiness than any feeling on earth, a smile that you can
Never rid yourself of, your heart starts beating uncontrollably like driving down an old dirt road.
Sometimes you might even wonder if she truly is an angel, how else could
Someone be so sweet, so caring, so positive and let’s not forget so beautiful.
She is like a girl from a song; her eyes truly are as magnificent as a million diamonds
Reflecting in the sunlight, when she stops and smiles the whole world truly does stop
And stare for a while; every little thing that makes her who she is, is beautiful
She is the eighth wonder of the world, an angle from heaven, a blessing in my life and
Everyone’s lives she touches.
Over time your love will grow so strong with her that you will do anything for her,
You will love her like god does, unconditionally.
This love will grow so strong you will become addicted to it, there will be nothing
In the universe that can break this addiction so you just pray every night that you
Can continue to love her till your very last day. She’s on your mind every moment of
Every day, you wish you could be with her every second of your life. You may start out dating
But you quickly realize that you have to have a relationship, a lifelong bond,
You can no longer imagine a future without her.
What you have here is something I would call prose, having said that I do sense emotion behind the piece which is nice, but it is just nice- I want it to take my breath away. Think metaphor, simile, personification and how would you describe such love in a concrete image- goodluck.