Cosmic Drowning

[softlyfalling]

I am not permitted to delete, it seems

[tectak]

Siren soul-stealers whispered in her melancholy ear,
“Come out, come out. My little child, come here.”
In such a darkness, cremation flames appeared as hearth-
The wingless angel stepped off of the earth.
On distant beach, the sea cast mermaid shadows as she drowned;
With gentle judgment, lay her body down.

Hi softly.
There are a lot of threads tangled up in this and I don't have an even number of ends.
The purpose of the piece gets very quickly lost in the labyrinth...and because I want purpose, I also am lost.
It is just too much kitten with a ball of wool.
OK. Sirens...yep...I know those bloody Sirens, they'll have me on the rocks. Hang on, whispering Sirens. That's a first. Where's my ordinary ears...misplaced them...have to use the melancholy pair. Just one thing...what is a melancholy ear. I don't see it.
Third line ends abruptly. Missing word? Who cares. The last three lines make the missing word irrelevant.
I am not sure you knew where this piece was going....careful now, because if you say you did, it sure beats the shit out of me. If you say you say you didn't then it shows.
On the plus side, and using line 3 as an example, it is very-
Best,
tectak
PS. The title in some strange way helps. I think you need to clarify then expand the concept to justify the title. Seriously, good luck.

[Keith]

Siren soul-stealers whispered in her melancholy ear, [b]Tells me she’s vulnerable, soul stealers gives the game away early was this your intention ?
“Come out, come out. My little child, come here.” I like the build up in this
In such a darkness, cremation flames appeared as hearth- hearth as in centre of the family home ?
The wingless angel stepped off of the earth. do you need of ?On distant beach, the sea cast mermaid shadows as she drowned;
With gentle judgment, lay her body down. [/b] really like these last two lines, great images

Hi softlyfalling
Your opening grabs me but gives the game away, you could start with whispers and I really like melancholy ear. The build with voices in her head adds to the mystique of the whispers, not sure about hearth but that probably just me and anyway the line works ie tricked into feeling secure. the angel reference spoils the line for me, you could leave it at wingless and I would have enjoyed the falling imaged, could be spiraling? just a thought. The last two lines are great and do your poem justice. Hope this helps and I wont be offended if you ignore all thats said because I enjoyed the read. Thanks TOMH

[softlyfalling]

Thank you. Interesting thoughts.