Public Service Announcement

[emilylundquist]

Public Service Announcement
Hide anywhere—
Behind quiet
Behind darkness
Behind books, papers
To-do lists
Television and computer screens
Behind dogs and cats and horses
Mother, father, sister, brother
Behind lover(s)
Behind makeup, beards
Glasses, hats, hair, tattoos
Pounds of muscle
Or fat
Behind money, behind degrees
Behind great paintings and sculptures
A grand piano
Behind empty bottles
Cigarette smoke
Behind Bibles, babies, guns
Behind the mountains, valleys, trees
Underwater if you can manage
Behind anything
—So that the world may not suck you down like an oyster on an August evening
Smacking its lips at the briny taste.

[Todd]

Hi Emily, welcome to the site. I really like this. Its clever. It reads well. The final two lines pop really well. I'd consider paring it down just a bit for impact keeping only the most interesting parts. Maybe cut a third. The thing is while the list goes on it puts more and more pressure on the final lines. I may also want to see some hint of the briny end somewhere earlier to give the end some additional surprise resonance. These are just my initial thoughts. I hope they help some. Again, I really like the poem.

Best,

Todd

[newsclippings]

Novice poet? You should put this in for mild critique.