Beloved

[Aphroditeny]

Would love your thoughts on this, I'm not entirely happy with this piece I think it can definitely use some improvement. Also as far as punctuation goes, feels a little odd to me in this piece. Looking forward to your critic.

It has been months, but I still think of you
Not a day passes when I don't wonder how you do
You've carved a seat within my heart
I still can't tell your lies apart
I walk tormented on ahead
Replaying everything we've said
The want I've felt I can't describe,
An overwhelming sweeping tide
What we would do, I did not care
So long as time we would just share
I loved to simply breathe you in,
Absorbing you right through my skin
One time I felt that me you loved
And for your care you were beloved
And yet somehow it fell apart,
To love another is an art
I was too much for you I know
The care I wanted you could not show
I cried and wept,
As you just slept
You did not know the pain you caused,
To glimpse within you hadn't paused
And when I left, you just let go
And to this day my blood wont flow

[newsclippings]

your rhymes seem like a fumbling of ideas about this person -- they are not steady but forced
another problem with this poem is that i feel like i've read it many times before

if you're going to write about love, be genuine and original, eh?

[Heartafire]

Hi Aphroditeny, a sad love story of which there are many, as has been pointed out. I know I have done my share. There are a number of grammatical errors that interfere with the messsage, I think you could work on that to improve flow and perhaps review where you have forced rhyme for rhymes sake. Hope I have been of help. I enjoyed reading this.
Heart

[karinane]

Hi Aphroditeny. I agree with the other comments that the rhyme scheme seems a little forced. Maybe try to open it up a bit. I like the content though.